Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Enhanced Preseason NFL

On-Field Transactions
  (+7, -4)
(+7, -4)
  [vote for,

There's no reason to watch, much less to go to, a pre-season football game. The stars play a quarter or so at half-speed and then a bunch of mullets who will never get beyond five years on the special teams (if that) comes in. The only drama resides in the fact that these guys are literally playing for their jobs. Unfortunately for the viewing public, those that don't make the grade are cut from the team several days after the game.

I propose that they instead be cut then and there, on national tv. If a reciever drops a pass, out comes a golf cart from the sidelines to whisk him off forthwith to a stadium parking lot job fair. If a lineman blows an assignment, a black-clad assistant coach (perhaps done up as the Grim Reaper) could stalk off the sideline, rip the errant lineman's helmet off, cast it to the ground, and set it afire. There could be a little quasi-military, samurai-type ceremony, maybe even a ritualized seppuku (for players of honor) wishing to atone for a muffed punt or blown coverage. I'm not saying the guy should literally kill himself, but he should make life easy on the coach and everyone else by setting his own helmet on fire rather than forcing somebody else to do it for them. Think of the old veteran gone to seed, realizing he can't cut it anymore, setting his helmet on fire and walking off the home field to the tearful cheers of one last ovation...

Now *there's* quality tv

novamax, Jul 17 2000


       I hate football. I wish the goblins _would_ come and take it away. Right now.
centauri, Jul 18 2000

       Why does this oddly remind me of Stephen King's story, 'The Running Man'? Is this what the world is really coming to? Watch hockey!
dagrrl, Nov 19 2000

       Same here, Centauri. I work across from one of the nests, and it can take me an hour to drive the four miles to get home when the sheep are milling...
StarChaser, Nov 19 2000

       Overweight men in too tight clothing, what more could we ask for as Americans? Centauri, StarChaser, I salute you.
cletusboy, Dec 31 2000

       It could never work. The logistics are astounding. Wait a minute, it's called the XFL.
Tito San Dimas, Mar 02 2001

       Better get Bobby Knight in to coach some of these games.
Wes, Mar 02 2001

       I have to admit that I only saw it on replays, the sight of those two goofs knocking themselves out running for the quarter or whatever at the beginning of the XFL game was wonderfully amusing...If that had prospects of doing it more often I might actually watch it...
StarChaser, Mar 03 2001

       How about making the cheerleaders run for the ball at the beginning of the game?   

       Maybe a mud or cream-corn wrestling match amongst them to determine kick-offs?
Wes, Mar 03 2001

       Am I missing something here?
rattler, Aug 26 2001

thumbwax, Aug 26 2001


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