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Ex-lover Radar

Warning when you are about to see (or be seen by) an ex-lover
(+3, -3)
  [vote for,

When you end a relationship, you programme the radar with an ID so that in the future, when your ex-lover is around the same pub or club as you, you are warned of his/her presence.

This enables you get gorgeous, sober and in close proximity to someone better looking than they are - all before the ex catches sight of you.

You could also programme it to warn you when bosses, spouses, old classmates, etc are about to hove into view, thereby giving you a chance to adjust your behaviour/looks/sobriety before they spot you.

It would be a small device that can be inserted into your cellphone and the warning would be in the form of a text message.

Snippity, May 03 2001


       WIBNI, unless you can explain how the device identifies the individual. Tri-corder, perhaps?
globaltourniquet, May 03 2001

       Both these objections can be solved by one solution: your ex-lover's radar unit sends out a signal which yours picks up.   

       From this we see that this is a variation on the "love-getty", "gaydar", etc. devices: see the "love PIN" and "lust-detecting clothes" ideas.
wiml, May 04 2001

       No, No, NO! It would then be too easy to continuously torture myself with where he is and show up just to accidentally run into him....to see his eyes once again....to watch him walk..... Damn. My night's ruined.
Susen, May 04 2001

       Uh, let's not see "lust-detecting clothes". Thanks.
iuvare, May 04 2001

       *sigh*... it seems that we have some difficulties here dealing with the consequences of terminating our mutually-exclusive relationships. Regardless of who called it quits, that other person who has no further intention of being involved with you is not deserving of your preoccupation; it's over, get on with it. What for would you *want* to look sober or gorgeous in front of that person? It wouldn't do either one of you any good.   

       (sorry. ... honestly, I'd use and appreciate this device, and I suspect so because I suppose that I have some unresolved emotional issues with one of my ex-lovers... but I also realize that such things are not productive, and I try to bury them way down deep. Susen, you have a way of reconnecting me very directly to bitersweet sentiments long since past, and I get so messed up I can't decide whether to react in indignation and tell you to get over it [textbook-classic transferrence], or to just curl up all weepy and hope for a brighter future in the heterosexual relationship arena. Either way, I think the rest of my day is now ruined. ... pbbt.)
absterge, May 04 2001

       two truths: 1) It is a basic human need to be loved 2) Some days it sucks to be human
Susen, May 04 2001

       there's an alternative to being human???? What? Being British? :-)
Susen, May 04 2001

       hey-what?why am i annotating this?
technobadger, May 04 2001

       hahaha... that's /terrible/, waugs! :D yer skin gets just a little bit thicker every time, in preparation for the *next* disappointment, right? hahaha...
absterge, May 04 2001

       Oh, absterge, you would want to look gorgeous because then they'd realize what fools they were to let you go!   

       I once reduced an ex-lover to tears using this technique (I had a friend who warned me he was at the party). Seeing as how he dumped me in a really shitty fashion, it felt so excellent to grind his emotions into the dirt. Especially because, when we broke up, I predicted it would happen some day.
clynne, May 04 2001

       You pick up the pieces...and you move on. So many pieces...so very many broken parts. Each carefully retrieved and each painstakingly glued back into place. The glue sometimes splatters back at you, and some pieces are resistant no matter how hard you try. Some pieces are so shattered that they have to be discarded. Then you look at your creation...seeing holes and cracks...and you wince and say, "Good As New".
Susen, May 04 2001

       Snippity, could this "small device" be implanted into the ankle or wrist of the ex-lover in question? And perhaps a proximity alarm could sound when he intrudes within a half-mile of my current location? Could such an alarm signal the local police, who would then surround and apprehend the ex-stalker (excuse me: ex-lover) before he could commit any dangerous, or pointless and annoying, act?   

       Just wondering.
1percent, May 04 2001

       *low, ponderous murmur/grumbling, lasting a long time* ... man, Susen... maybe you should write. I don't know whether I'd rather throttle you or burst out laughing... (well, throttling would probably be bad, huh? :) but I can't quite bring myself to laugh, either...)   

       And, clynne, no, I'd rather not appear gorgeous, I think. I can't enjoy demolishing other peoples emotions, no matter how much they've injured me; call it a character flaw if you will, but I don't enjoy *anyone's* pain. Besides, pallid WASP males generally don't *ever* get looking 'gorgeous', unless there is something, uh, out of sorts. ;)
absterge, May 04 2001

       meant neither to evoke laughter nor rage... meant merely to share a moment of emotion which more fully examines the typical phrases of "picking up the pieces" and "moving on".   

       //maybe you should write//   

       :-) perhaps someday
Susen, May 05 2001

       Peter, be a dear and explain that? With the exception of the very wealthy nightclub owner who asked me out several months ago and I only went once....I don't believe you can substantiate that I go through multiple relationships weekly..... (oh, and check your e-mail, I had a technical question for you)
Susen, May 05 2001

       I'm against the idea as it promotes neurotic behavior. Excuse me while I sniff my armpits and check my breath. Back.
Onward: I've known the sorrow of love lost - my/her/our decision so on and so forth and am reasonably qualified to offer this sage bit of wisdom... when the person you meet is meant for you and vice versa, it doesn't matter if you're standing kneedeep in manure or looking as glamorous as you ever will in your life - though not likely both at the same time. Nevertheless, the invisible maze of life and love not only keeps you from finding all the frogs it also guides you to your prince(ss) who is also in the same maze - though coming from a direction unseen. That is the crux of it - rather than waste time looking for a shortcut to/at/for that person - know in your heart of hearts that you will bump into that person at the time and place that fate has determined. Which is when you least expect it. Bottom line: The best preparation is none, just be and know thyself.
thumbwax, May 05 2001


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