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Fail-O-Matic

If it's going to fail, let it fail...
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I suppose this is true for many companies that test items for a third party - sometimes they turn up with a sample and expect it to fail. Why they do this is a ministry as it involves a large and expensive cycle of waiting, testing, waiting, report, waiting, repeat.

As a solution to the tedium that this can sometimes bring. I propose a machine that has a large wheel (spun by a pretty girl) with a clicky pointer and numerous ways of destroying said sample.

Such a machine would bring variety to the smiting that a sample would receive while avoiding having to spend several days setting up the test equipment (methods of doom stored in memory). Of course it should automatically print a report detailing the smiting with a before and after picture.

No method of doom is allowed to be anything like the test methods stipulated in standards / procedures / test plans. They should all be inventive, over the top, spectacular and still have some scientific merit.

For example, a sample scheduled for electrostatic discharge testing could instead have it's spectral lines measures as it combusts in an atmosphere of pure chlorine.

saedi, Apr 18 2010

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       I was thinking you meant something like "crushed by falling piano".
CaptainClapper, Apr 18 2010
  

       //Why they do this is a ministry as it involves a large and expensive cycle of waiting, testing, waiting, report, waiting, repeat.// I think you meant "mystery," but in fact it makes very good sense as it stands.
Also, if this is ever implemented, competition will be fierce, among halfbakers, for the position of Director.
mouseposture, Apr 18 2010
  

       // it's spectral lines measures as it combusts in an atmosphere of pure chlorine //   

       We like your style. Are you Cardassian ?
8th of 7, Apr 18 2010
  

       See what I mean?
mouseposture, Apr 18 2010
  

       Indeed "mystery". I find wine doesn't help spelling. Especially on this small and rather naff laptop. Perhaps it could be the first test sample for the machine.   

       Maybe the wheel would stop at "Measure temperature rise as sample is pelted with hypersonic garden implements"?   

       No, not Cardassian, I live in Wales, not some funny and most pointless backwater somewhere out in space.
saedi, Apr 18 2010
  

       Aha - Cardiffian.   

       I am curious as to the background behind your opening sentence.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 18 2010
  

       Should have seen that coming. Cardiff indeed. Though only been here for 3 weeks.   

       The background to the first sentence is from a long, long time ago (4 weeks) - in my last job. It was as an engineer / scientist testing parts (mostly aircraft) to see what happens to them in extreme conditions.   

       Some companies appeared to be doing tests so they could tick a box to say they had reached the milestone of testing. More sensible companies tested parts when they though they would work.   

       The Fail-O-Matic is more appropriate for the first type of company.
saedi, Apr 18 2010
  

       // Though only been here for 3 weeks //   

       It just 'seems' like a lifetime.   

       // what happens to them in extreme conditions //   

       They break, the aircraft stops working, and the people on board die. We knew that. And you got paid for that job ?
8th of 7, Apr 18 2010
  

       I get paid to walk around in a desert and look for old stuff.
ye_river_xiv, Apr 19 2010
  

       Failure is always an option.
Minimum mechanical standards should not be.
  
      
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