Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fight-Starting Bottlecaps

For those too dumb to figure out how to start one on their own
  [vote for,

These bottlecaps, presumably for beer bottles (or soda bottles in predominantly non-drinking communities such as Islamabad (or water bottles in predominantly non-drinking caffeine-free communities such as Salt Lake City)) contain statements that, when read out loud, will encourage the nearest short-tempered lady or gentleman to desire to strike you.

In bottles of Budweiser, you might find the statement, "Man, your girlfriend/wife/mistress sure is ugly."

In bottles of Stella Artois, you might find, "I'm not saying Leibniz was right, I'm just saying that maybe Kant isn't all he's cracked up to be."*

In bottles of Tennent's, you might find, "Wow, whacking a tiny ball with a stick and putting skirts on men. Who's the genius who thought this one up?"

All for the sake of livening up what might otherwise be a rather boring drinking experience.**

*I'm not aware that philosophy arguments ever devolve into fisticuffs, but it might be fun to watch.

**If your experience is fine so far, these are all, of course, optional.

shapu, Jan 16 2008

Jim Breuer: Party In The Stomach http://www.youtube....watch?v=h4sfJr10wFs
This story may be somehow related. Fast connection required. [Amos Kito, Jan 17 2008]


       I thought the essential ingredient for starting fights was already right there, inside the bottle?
DrCurry, Jan 16 2008

       Some of us are quiet drunks.
shapu, Jan 16 2008

       // philosophy arguments ever devolve into fisticuffs //   

       Interestingly, more often than you'd think ....
8th of 7, Jan 16 2008

       If someone was to think that I have a girlfriend, a wife and a mistress, I'd take it as a compliment. Seriously, no Bud drinker is ever going to use the word "mistress"--"girlfriend" is the acceptable term.
baconbrain, Jan 16 2008

       Unless it's Jessica Alba in which case I'd call her whatever she wanted.   


       I've never been to a bar where patrons drink beer which comes from bottles. Is it something foreign? Do bars in the US not serve beer from a barrel / keg?
vincevincevince, Jan 17 2008

       Here we call beer bottles stubbies or tallies. And yes, a lot of pubs will serve in the bottle. Especially for boutique or rarer beers for which it is not worthwhile keeping a kegload of. I'm surprised by your comment... Do you have available so small a range of beers that there are always kegs available for each brand on hand?   

       Pubs are sadly phasing out the use of bottles because people had an irritating habit of hitting each other with them. Just like the glass ... er,. glass is being phased out as well. I think there is actually a law here somewhere about no glass glasses after a certian time.   

       ...As to the idea, meh [].
Custardguts, Jan 17 2008

       sp. Tennent's.
calum, Jan 17 2008

       sp. "sp. Tennent's, ya Bam!"
Jinbish, Jan 17 2008

       //Do you have available so small a range of beers that there are always kegs available for each brand on hand?// Probably. My local has about a dozen beers.
vincevincevince, Jan 17 2008

       That's what your mom said last night. Might want to give her a tip, $5 seems about right.
Noexit, Jan 17 2008

       //people had an irritating habit of hitting each other with them//

Ancillary product: Fight Starting Bottles. These should easily break when smashed on the edge of the bar, leaving one holding a menacing jagged half, for increased taunting purposes.

       Thomas Paine : “When men yield up the privilege of thinking, the last shadow of liberty quits the horizon.“
Socrates: “Be as you wish to seem.“
(fisticuff ensues)
Amos Kito, Jan 17 2008

       // girlfriend/wife/mistress //   

       Well, which one are you referring to?
RayfordSteele, Jan 17 2008

       Give a pom an inch and that makes an inch and a half.
Custardguts, Jan 17 2008

       //[Amos] sp: Ancilliary.//
bigsleep, thanks for the sp!
(philosophy ensues)
Amos Kito, Jan 18 2008

       sp: Leibniz (or Leibnitz). Same ai sound as in "tripe".
jutta, Jan 18 2008

       I understand that in Europe they got all kinds of different languages. They used to fight with each other all the time over there, but now they are even sharing the same money. I bet in Belgium they sometimes have trouble insulting a guy, both because of language barriers and general senescent peacability. One could have language specific insults in these bottle caps. For example, Flemish "yo mamma" jokes. The bottle caps would come out with one language per issue, so the Flems presented with a barrage of insults and jokes would have no recourse to, say, Lichtensteinese bottle caps to reply in kind. The only solution: a duel! Later the Lichtensteiners would get their turn with the Lichtensteinese language issue and unless they had saved up some of those Flemish bottlecaps from earlier, they likewise would have to respond with force to defend drunken honor. Merriment!
bungston, Jan 18 2008

       //I thought the essential ingredient for starting fights was already right there, inside the bottle?//

No, that's just the essential ingredient for having a drink. The essential ingredient for starting fights is 'being an aggressive thug'.
angel, Jan 18 2008

       Watch it, angel. I aint tellen ya again, reet.
skinflaps, Jan 18 2008

       //sp: Leibniz (or Leibnitz). Same ai sound as in "tripe".// Why I oughta...
shapu, Jan 18 2008

       Oi! Are you looking at my Plato?!
theleopard, Jan 18 2008

       // one holding a menacing jagged half, for increased taunting purposes. //   

       Baked. There's a design for taking a standard bottle design, casting it in an engineering glass, then heat treating and laser etching it so that when held by the neck and the base is struck hard, it falls away cleanly to leave the user holding a useful (and very sharp) dagger.   

       They were designed as a stealth weapon for easy deployment against civil aircraft. Not sure how many were produced but we had half a dozen, we still have the dagger bit in a drawer somewhere. They even got hold of real labels from the brand manufactures, so they were indistinguishable from geniune product.
8th of 7, Jan 18 2008

       /easy deployment against civil aircraft./   

       Would one hurl the bottle into the sky to strike the aircraft, or wait until the aircraft had landed and slash at the landing gear? Or maybe this is a dirigible-specific weapon? Also, I wonder about the necessity of stealth, as the aircraft I have seen are not especially wily.
bungston, Jan 18 2008

       Nah, just fill those redundant clown cannons full of those bottles and aim (then walk away holding a long piece of yanking string.)
skinflaps, Jan 18 2008

       // as the aircraft I have seen are not especially wily.//   

       You're behind the times ... having developed smart bombs, the next Big Thing is smart aircraft - smarter than most people, anyway.   

       The idea is that you wave the spiky bit of glass at the 'plane and shout "Just think what a mess this will make of your paintwork !"   

       The idea seemed to be along the lines of "Well, if we've got this, we (The Good Guys) could use it on board an aircraft belonging to Them (The Bad Guys - see list of whoever are The Bad Guys at any given time, the one constant is the French are always at the top of the list) and of course it is OK for us to have this technology as we are The Good Guys and will not use it for any wrong or immoral purpose due to our high ethical standards, unless of cousre we really want to or it seems like a good idea at the time, and besides we can aways hide behind plausible deniablility because being The Good Guys we would only ever develop something like this so that we could work out conutermeasures in case the The Bad Guys (whoever they are right now - see list) also develop this, or just happen to be previous friends of ours who aren't friends anymore.   

       Does that answer your question ?
8th of 7, Jan 18 2008

       This reminds me of one of my all time favorite HB ideas, now sadly deleted - alternate approved weapon uses for common household objects. The author worried that if soldiers ran out of weapons they would be at a loss for how to carry on the war.
bungston, Jan 18 2008

       Things are never that bad, they can always throw rocks (and often do).
8th of 7, Jan 18 2008

       What's with the philosophy discussion on bottles of Stella? In London, a place I think consumes more Stella then the rest of the world combined, the beer is known as 'Wife Beater' and nobody who reads a bottle cap like that would pronounce any of the names correctly or even know who Kant was.   

       For Stella, there should be an action, such as 'Slap the nearest person next to you', or 'Shove anyone in a dress' or 'Yell in someone's ear', 'Dry hump something/someone', 'Call any girl a slag/chav/etc...'.   

       Keep it simple...
mylodon, Jan 19 2008

       //sp: ancilliary//   

       Ancillary is correct, although I had to look it up to be sure.
bnip, Jan 19 2008

       Fart-sighting cottlebaps.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 19 2008

       //Ancillary is correct//
Of course it is [bnip], although not worth a fracas. It would be different if I were quoted an incendiary phrase from the underside of a beer bottle cap.
Amos Kito, Jan 19 2008

       //What's with the philosophy discussion on bottles of Stella?//   

       In the states (my misspelling of Tennent's should be proof of my location) Stella is a high-falutin' midrange beer. Not quite Fin du Monde, but well over the head of Dos Equis.   

       And it's ferrin'. From another nation.
shapu, Jan 20 2008


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