Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fly-killing artillery

Tracking searchlights and a miniature cannon
  [vote for,

Killing flies is hard work. The brainless things are either wobbling through space or have abruptly landed and vanished.

Tracking their erratic flight is key. So what about a set of auto-tracking searchlights with the agility to keep up? These could be paired with a laser, a spring-loaded salt cannon, or a focussed ultrasound emitter.

Whatever the gun, it would have to look like an AA cannon. Crucially, it would also have a gun camera linked to your PC or phone. It would track automatically, but you'd get the satisfaction of pressing fire.

david_scothern, Aug 19 2020

Beam combining https://www.laserfo...n-boost-total-power
[kdf, Aug 19 2020]

Mosquito Laser https://en.wikipedi...er#Expert_criticism
Has only been tested in lab, doubts about effectiveness in field [kdf, Aug 19 2020]

VIDEO of mosquito laser https://www.youtube...watch?v=vGjP9SE7tsM
QUOTE: "Lasers are always a fun answer to most things" [kdf, Aug 19 2020]

Pump-Action_20Salt-Gun [tatterdemalion, Aug 19 2020]

German 8.8 Flak https://en.wikipedi.../File:Flak18-36.jpg
Acht-Acht [kdf, Aug 20 2020]


8th of 7, Aug 19 2020

       It should be possible to track a fly with multiple lasers from all corners of the room, such that each laser on its own is not powerful enough to char your soft furnishings, but the simultaneous combination of all the lasers on the fly results in its speedy evaporation in a puff of smoke.
hippo, Aug 19 2020

       You're no fun any more ...
8th of 7, Aug 19 2020

       Maybe add pre-charred soft furnishings to the range of tie-in merchandise for this product then?
hippo, Aug 19 2020

       No. It's just not the same.
8th of 7, Aug 19 2020

       I can picture [8th] loading a charge of salt into his full-size acht-acht. Then I picture an extra-annoying fly landing on the breech block, just to vex him.   

       Bzzzz ...   

       [+] for the idea.
pertinax, Aug 19 2020

       “...multiple lasers ... simultaneous combination ... results in its speedy evaporation ...“
-hippo, Aug 19 2020

       I like it, but ... It’s difficult enough to combine multiple lasers into a coherent beam right at the emitter (link). Getting multiple lasers to converge effciently on a distant, moving target multiplies the difficulties.
kdf, Aug 19 2020

       Add an air raid siren on this sucker and you've got a winner. [+]   

       Occurs to me, don't need this anyplace else than at the windows. Easier to target, you're basically targeting on one plane as they bounce against the window over and over in a dance of celebration of how stupid they are. Plus you just have a tray at the bottom to collect the wreckage so you don't have dead flies all over the floor.
doctorremulac3, Aug 19 2020

       There is a laser that seeks out and gets rid of mosquitos already, last I heard it was even being prepared for commercial introduction, so you idea is looking good but has pretty much been developed.
beanangel, Aug 19 2020

       Does it have the gun cannon?
david_scothern, Aug 19 2020

       [+], though one may have to wear mirrored glasses to cohabit the room.
whatrock, Aug 19 2020

       "Does it have the gun cannon?"
-david_scothern, Aug 19 2020

       I think appearance (like sound effects) can be added later. Get the thing to work first and then work the facade.
kdf, Aug 19 2020

       We can tell you've never worked for a government, [kdf]; you've got that completely the wrong way round...
8th of 7, Aug 19 2020

       Guess again.
kdf, Aug 20 2020

       You're no fun any more ... -8th of 7, Aug 19 2020   

       Either the gun cannon is baseline, or I resign, effective immediately.
david_scothern, Aug 20 2020

       We were addressing our comment to [hippo] ... we like the idea as originally stated.   

       // Guess again. //   

       As you wish... "You are Gideon Gono, and we claim our 5 Zimbabwe dollars... oh, wait, six dollars... ten dollars... fifty... eight thousand.... four millon... oh, just give us a pound for a cup of tea."
8th of 7, Aug 20 2020

       “(obscure history reference to hyperinflation) ... give us a pound for a cup of tea “
-8th of 7, Aug 20, 2020

       Oh, you clever dickie, you’re so cute when you show everybody what you’re learned in school. Tell you what, I’ll make tea for both of us, and you can sit at the grown up table while you tell me ALL about the cat you dissected in Biology class today.   

       What, it wasn’t in class? It was a stray cat, out on the playground? Well, at least your Biology teacher saw more humor in it than the cafeteria lady did...
kdf, Aug 20 2020

       “Either the gun cannon is baseline, or I resign...”
-david_scothern, Aug 20 2020

       Well, we’d certainly hate to see you leave the program after so many valued contributions. How about if we promise the first demo at trade shows will look EXACTLY like a German Acht-Acht ? (link). But even keeping the exterior look, bringing it to market and getting it past the consumer product safety bastards will require that it couldn’t hurt a fly.   

       It’s not all bad though ... sell the neutered civilian model off the shelf, make the big money by selling aftermarket (highly lethal) add-ons from the back pages of select publications, for civilians who’d prefer to not be neutered.
kdf, Aug 20 2020

       //You're no fun any more ... -- 8th of 7, Aug 19 2020//

//We were addressing our comment to [hippo] -- 8th of 7, Aug 20 2020//

Your statement appears to be based on a false premise that I was, at some point in the past, 'fun'.
hippo, Aug 20 2020

       /like a German Acht-Acht/ And just like that, I'm back on board...   

       And it wasn't a stray cat, it was Schroedinger's. Now the poor thing isn't sure whether it's dead or alive.
david_scothern, Aug 20 2020

       It wasn't Schroedinger's either. It was Wigner's friend's next door neigbhor's cat. Which must have known if it was dead or alive, even if it hadn't let its people know.
kdf, Aug 20 2020

       [+] Because I want a full creeping barrage moving through my house to finally get that cheeky fly I've been dealing with for days.
bs0u0155, Aug 20 2020

       Doesn't everybody?
kdf, Aug 20 2020

       Strangely, no. Our attempts to market a "drumfire" version of the "singing telegram" using several regiments of Krupp 75mm field guns gained very limited additional interest (it turned out that our existing customers were quite satisfied with the non-musical version).
8th of 7, Aug 20 2020

       I wonder if you could broadcast secret messages with a morse code encoded artillery bombardment
hippo, Aug 21 2020

       "secret messages with a morse code encoded artillery bombardment"
-hippo, Aug 21 2020

       Wait, I think that's a message! Let me decipher that... got it ... it says they're trying to kill us, sir!
kdf, Aug 21 2020


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