Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Frameless Sunglasses

Suck out your eyes for total UV protection
 
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I note that the glass eyebaths supplied with antique bottles of Optrex can be firmly attached to the face by forcing out some of the air trapped between eyeball and receptacle. So, in my continuing quest for 24-hour evenings, I suggest this.

The product consists of two polarised, UV filtering, shaded or photochromatic sunglass lenses shaped to rest neatly in front of the eye sockets, a tube of some latex or silicon style gel that will form an airtight seal against skin, and a hypodermic plunger attached to a short, thin plastic tube. They are moulded to the individual face by lying down with lenses in place, piping sealant around the edge, and leaving to dry, then worn by holding in position whilst sucking out a comfortable volume of air using the plunger, and removed by means of comical facial contortions and squishy noises.

The advantages over framed shades are that they totally block peripheral dazzling and harsh overhead lighting, do not impede the occasional use of regular spectacles for reading or driving, and of course make you look like a Grey and/or the cyborg character in Neuromancer.

If no-one manages to dissuade me with hideous medical warnings, I'm going to hunt down the parts and bake this one. The only viable alternative appears to be moving somewhere further from the sun.

Mharr, Oct 05 2002

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       Would these be like those plastic, shell-shaped, protective glasses for the solarium?
FarmerJohn, Oct 05 2002
  

       Further from the sun? I think that moving to Mars is a little bit of an extreme solution!   

       That said, I've always fancied some photochromatic contact lenses.
dare99, Oct 05 2002
  

       You're going to be really pissed off the first time you get an eyelash in your eye.
yamahito, Oct 05 2002
  

       Yeah, especially what yamahito said after you've spent all that extra time (and now you're running late) having re-sanitized and picking all the grit out of it because in haste, it popped from your fingers, hit the floor and got batted by the cat behind the toilet...
hollajam, Oct 05 2002
  

       Wait, hold the press. I'm having trouble with this one now. I can't possibly finish re-reading sentences due to visionary (mental) distractions..
I thought you were describing taking the orb out of the socket to put it in you pocket for
<voice of God> "TOTAL UV protection"...
  

       You are?
hollajam, Oct 05 2002
  

       It's just a shame that your eyes need oxygen really. Contact lenses have streemly little holes to allow the eye to "breathe". Without a ready supply of oxygen, you eye would slowly die. That seems rather an extreme sort of UV protection to me.   

       Also, how exactly would you take them off?
PeterSilly, Oct 05 2002
  
      
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