Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Free Food Gourmet Restaurant

With Targeted Advertizing
  [vote for,

That's right! Absolutely ***FREE*** Five Star Gourmet Restaurant Food, and you pay NOTHING!! It even has a world renowned fussy French Master Chef named Maurice and a snooty Maitre d'!!

To make reservations, simply fill out the registration form. All manner of questions about your personal life, home, family, work, relatives (whether still breathing or living impaired), pool and patio preferences, income level, fetishes, hobbies, casual interests and sexual preferences will be collected, then furiously analyzed by our staff for every nuance of meaning.

On the day of your meal, usually about one week later (unless you are a return customer) you and your guests will be seated at a large table with comfortable chairs and place settings with real silverware, fancy napkin rings, the drinks of your choice, and those little bowls of soapy water to cleanse your fingers.

You will be seated in front of a large screen, upon which targeted advertizing full of subliminal messages and soothing music loops constantly. Several chairs are arrayed on the opposite side of the table, upon which sit representatives of companies carefully chosen based on your interests or sordid proclivities; they are there to regale you with rich stories of the benefits of their products and services, and live demonstrations.

(Note: Firearms salesmen will only be shooting blank rounds. Hookers will be appropriately dressed, however scantily. Awning salesmen have promised that their products will not obstruct the diners view of the screen. Underground lawn sprinkler system salesmen have promised to stop gouging channels into the tables. Lawyers will be standing by to notarize long term contracts.)

Bon Apetit!

Grogster, Feb 23 2013


       // meal // // seated in front of a large screen // // targeted advertising // 4 of 5 families already do this everyday at home at their own expense.   

       Baked in some way at conventions and meetings with catering, sponsored for some business company.   

       Business:advertising would be a more suitable category.
piluso, Feb 23 2013

       Maybe not a gourmet restaurant, because the bottom line would be far too high for this business model. But a soup kitchen, MacDonaldson's like assembly-line restaurant for the destitute could educate on the ascetic values of hard-work, saving money, repentance, homunculous, forced systemic reproduction with indigenous, predestination, etc. This would ultimately save the donors money on a reduced tax-rate for minimal welfare state support.
rcarty, Feb 23 2013

       One year at the state fair my family agreed to something exactly like this. Two chefs came to our house and cooked us a gourmet meal, in the process they pitched their cookware for 2.5 hours. Like a time share presentation.
DIYMatt, Feb 23 2013

       [rcarty], the destitute have no money. Though the bottom line is higher, I think the gourmet version would be more profitable.
pocmloc, Feb 23 2013

       [pocmloc], how does having a gourmet menu ensure that the customers aren't destitute? Poor people like food that tastes good too. It seems like for this to work you would need to have some mechanism to ensure that the customer were capable of buying the stuff being pitched to them. For example, there could be a large fully refundable deposit. That would of course also make it very simple to purchase things since you don't need to get your wallet out again. You just get a smaller refund at the end.
scad mientist, Feb 24 2013


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