Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Time Auctioned Ordering

Bid to have your food made first
(+7, -7)
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“First Come, First Serve”: the golden rule of the dining world, correct? Well, not at my restaurant.

Have you ever been so hungry when you eat out that you just want your food right now? Are you so famished that you would be willing to pay more just to have your order expedited? Screw the ten others in line ahead of you, you are starving and you deserve your order first, right? Well, at Tasty's Amalgamated Outlets of Comestibles (TAO's Comestibles or “Tasty's”) we have the solution for your malnourished soul, if you can afford it.

Let me introduce Tasty's new 'TAO' restaurant principle: 'Time Auctioned Ordering.' When you order, you are given the option by the server to have your order bumped to the top of the list so that it is the next one to be prepared by our illustrious, world renowned chefs, for a modest price. The diners with orders ahead of you have the option, however, to pay more to defend their spot, and this starts the bidding.

Example: You enter Tasty's with a group of friends in the middle of the afternoon rush. Your young, attractive, and scantily clad jailbait server gets your table its drinks with an enticingly suggestive smile. She offers to take your order and the group makes their selections, a few of them stuttering while she scrawls on her pad since they are staring at our infamous logo, “TASTY” stretched across her voluptuous, tight bosom on a very low-cut t-shirt that is two sizes too small (standard Tasty's uniform).

“Okay fellas. That's quite an order but I bet you're all very, very hungry.” She says, bending a little at the waist and pushing her arms together in front of her.

She gets a few nods from your crowd; they're all looking at her cleavage.

“Well guys, I think I just might be able to, uh, do something for you there. You see, for just $15 I can push your to the tippity toppity top of the list.” She continues, using Tasty's patented “giggle 'n' jiggle” technique.

Your table agrees and quickly forks over the cash. She smiles and then runs off to the other side of the room only to return a few minutes later.

“I'm so sorry guys but Deidre's table just outbid you at $20. She has just been so mean to me today.” she says with a small pout “I know you guys are just so hungry and you deserve it so, so much more since you're all just so big and strong.” ...giggle 'n' jiggle... “For another $10 I can still squeeeeeze you into the top of the order. With all these people here I'm just terribly afraid you would have to wait just so, so long for your food otherwise.”

What's $10? your table decides and hands the lovely lass a ten. She makes a giddy little squeak and hugs the guy that hands her the bill. She runs back to the server desk but returns again, nearly in tears.

“I can't believe it guys. Deidre got her table to bid again. They're up to $30 and I don't know what to do.” she starts to whimper, with a tear falling down her soft cheek. “I feel so bad for you fellas. I just know you are all just so hungry and really just want to eat. It will be another $10 dollars to outbid them. I don't want you guys to have to wait. I just feel so awful.” And she breaks down in tears.

Your table, wanting to console this ravaged young damsel, hands another $10 over.

“Oh guys, that's wonderful. But you know, I bet I can almost guarantee your spot on the top if you bid another $15. I don't think they will bid again and you can forget about anyone else coming in taking the spot you all deserve.” She says with another giggle 'n' jiggle.

The $15 finds its way to her and she runs off and comes back with your food in less than 15 minutes. She brings out two heaping trays of delicious Tasty's food and places it down on a stand. She hands the plates out to everyone by leaning deep, deep across the table and in front of somebody new each time.

“Oh, make sure you leave room for Tasty's legendary custard for dessert. I had some last night and it was absolutely delicious. I just had one little lick and I couldn't control myself!” She says and slowly licks her thick, ruby-red lips. “I delved right in and the next thing I knew its sweet stickiness was all over my face and even in my hair.”

(Note: If you do not particularly care for the chauvinistic example, please just consider the concept of bidding on the order in which your food is prepared. That, and please know I'm really not this shallow. Really. I swear.)

Ethnotica Ethnotica
I think your waitress used to work over here. [zen_tom, Aug 04 2006]

(??) Hooters Casino http://www.hchvegas.com/
Requires flash. Has no flashing. [shapu, Apr 30 2008]


       Can't help thinking that with all the time spent outbidding other tables (consider a crowded restaurant full of famished customers) it would be quicker just to go about things the normal way. Another alternative could be to offer a price discount to customers who are willing to wait a little longer for their food, which would allow time for chatting or watching the saucily dressed waitresses rushing around.
Mr Phase, Aug 03 2006

       As much as I like saucily dressed jailbait... umm, that's not a great way to start an anno... I don't see any way to prove that the table actually has been outbid, making this system easy for the waiters and restaurant to abuse.   

       I think I'll stick with the currently acceptable "tip at the end of the meal if the service was good" method, in which "Good" depends significantly on the time it takes to get the food to me.   

       Bone for suggesting a way for Restaurants to milk us... but if you describe how the system avoids abuse, I might change that vote.
ye_river_xiv, Aug 03 2006

       <maybe a little unfair, but here is how I feel about it...>   

       <culture-specific rant> Queueing is fundamental to civilized society. The only time when it would be OK to //Screw the ten others in line ahead of you// is when you're forming a conga line at an orgy (as you do). So I'm boning this idea (no bun intended) </culture-specific rant>
pertinax, Aug 04 2006

       If I'm in no particular hurry, I'd cheerfully take a 5 or 10% reduction in the cost for waiting a little longer. Conversely, I might pay more for quick service. If the system started to suffer abuse, I'd go somewhere else; if everyone did so, the abuse would stop.
angel, Aug 04 2006

       That is already how it works in the States --- only you pay the time before with a tip... (:P)
madness, Aug 04 2006

       //Why on earth would anyone want to knowingly pay more for something?//

To get it sooner. If your time is more valuable than the premium for quick service, it would be economically efficient to pay more.
angel, Aug 04 2006

       Now take away the Jiggle 'n' Giggle, make it a Knockout competition, and put celebrities against each other and I think you have the makings of a great gameshow (with all profits going to charity of course!)

"Oh my god Bert! Did you see that crazy move by Affleck? That's the third time this series Cuba Gooding Jnr has had his starter stolen from under his very nose, Man I'd hate to be a celeb down on the floor right now, things are going to start getting ugly pretty quick!"
"Absolutely Sarah, it looks like things could get very fired up when the mains come out, in fact.... Yes, I think I see Madonna going in for the Kill as she not only ordered the same starter as Affleck, but has diverted it en-route to his table with an Audacious $1,000 Dollar bid, stay tuned folks and we will be right back after the commercials!"
The_Englishman_Abroad, Aug 04 2006

       That will work fine until the Ayn Rand Burger Bar moves in next door where everyone stands around in grey suits trying to pay less for their food than the guy next to them.
Galbinus_Caeli, Aug 04 2006

       ...so it's a Hooters Casino?
xandram, Aug 04 2006

       I like this. I am alsways chroncially late for everything, and when I make plans for 'meal and theatre/cinema/gig' it always turns into a nailbiting experience - will the food arrive before we have to be at the place? Are we ever going to eat again? To go in and pay a Speed Surcharge would be good for these occasions. bun.
moomintroll, Aug 04 2006

       This restauraunt sounds awaful! It exemplifies everything I hate about the human race.
mecotterill, Apr 29 2008

angel, Apr 30 2008

       //..so it's a Hooters Casino?//   

       There already is one. See link.
shapu, Apr 30 2008

       I've seen jukeboxes that work like this. You put in your money, select your song and it asks you if you'd like to put in an extra dollar to have your song played next.   

       I really don't see how this would work successfully in a restaurant. I could imagine a lot of people getting mad, demanding their money back and walking out. I could also imagine fights breaking out among waitresses, cooks, customers...
jaksplat, Apr 30 2008


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