Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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French kissing prevents birth defects

Human cytomegalovirus prior to pregnancy blocks the most frequent cause of abnormality at birth
  (+20, -2)(+20, -2)
(+20, -2)
  [vote for,

A young lady visits a physician to go on the pill

Physician: ah then, well if you like now is time to start french kissing people, lots of them

Young Lady: Go on with you

Physician: Human cytomegalovirus is historically amongst the top causes of congenital birth defects yet if you get it prior to pregnancy your baby is protected

more than half of people have human cytolomegalovirus prior to age 7 almost all senior aged folks have it Now is the time to get cytomegalovirus

Young Lady: will I feel sick

Physician: possibly a sore throat but frequently symptomless, furthermore there is as much as a chance per hundred that if you do have kids they could get birth defects unless you have had human cytomegalovirus prior to pregnancy

Young Lady: I think you are right, time to start French kissing people en masse

Physician: you know that thing you hear about folic acid preventing birth defects well French kissing large numbers of people is seven times more effective at preventing abnormality at birth

Young Lady: well, I'm on the pill, but what if I feel timid

Physician: well, there are lozenges as well, but its more fun to tell people on the pill that being sociable is beneficial

Young Lady: if only there were actually a technology then I could put this up at halfbakery.com

Physician: just have the technology be either purposed scraping of tounge against teeth mid date or a toothbrush with special bristles plus a tested surfactant that measurably gives salive a higher virus titer

Young Lady: what about my Mormon friends, they, well...

Physician: They could share sandwiches made with the actually a technology polysorbate Jelly that has been measured to transport human cytomegalovirus well

technology: special bristles on toothbrush that create greater amount of virus particles with saliva

technology: sodium lauryl sulfate is published as causing organic chemicals to pass cytomembranes 40 times more effectively; I think a screen of FDA GRAS surfactants will identify a number that cause viruses to pass membranes more effectively; polysorbate, gelatins, sorbitol are all surfactants or spreading agents published online as part of live virus vaccines

technology: the idea of sharing sandwiches specifically with the idea that your piece should be be part of anothers piece to is a little novel; sorbitol is a sweetener present at live virus vaccines

beanangel, Jul 31 2008

cytomegalovirus http://en.wikipedia...iki/Cytomegalovirus
Seroprevalence is age-dependent: 58.9% of individuals aged 6 and over are infected with CMV while 90.8% of individuals aged 80 and over are positive for HCMV; industrialized countries up to 8% of HCMV seronegative mothers contract primary HCMV infection during pregnancy, of which roughly 50% will transmit to the foetus.[6] Between 22-38% of infected foetuses are then born with symptoms,[7] which may include pneumonia, gastrointestinal, retinal and neurological disease.[8][9] HCMV infection occurs in roughly 1% of all neonates; HCMV is the most common cause of congenital infection in humans and intrauterine primary infections are second only to Down's syndrome as a known cause of mental retardation;However, these risks appear to be almost exclusively associated with women who previously have not been infected with CMV and who are having their first infection with the virus during pregnancy; There appears to be little risk of CMV-related complications for women who have been infected at least 6 months prior to conception [beanangel, Jul 31 2008]

effect of folic acid http://www.ncbi.nlm...es&logdbfrom=pubmed
Denmark the incidence is about 1.4 per 1,000 pregnancies; as compared with 10 per 1000 CMV [beanangel, Jul 31 2008]

Those French - they invented everything! Pretend_20everythin..._20someone_20French
[hippo, Jul 31 2008]

The winner of this scifi context proposed a similar vaccination scheme. http://medgadget.co...dgadget_sci_fi.html
[bungston, Aug 01 2008]


       [+] because I like how you presented your idea. It made me chuckle. And also the phrase "go on with you" brings back pleasant memories of my Irish grandma (though not in conjunction with french kissing, I hasten to add).
imaginality, Jul 31 2008

       [marked-for-deletion] let's all (french kiss), or magic (surfactant).
daseva, Jul 31 2008

       mmm... technology Jelly
jaksplat, Jul 31 2008

       Like mouth jam?
zeno, Jul 31 2008

       Despite the use of capitals, I knew this was Beanie from the title. Yet, despite this, [+]. Though, of the record, I don't believe a word of it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 31 2008

       I think a technology is described I upgraded the description of the surfactant to surfactants that are part of live vaccines   

       [daseva] This is an actual technology   

       not only that but if there were more french kissing a person per hundred might be cured of birth defects, thats dozens of millions   

       7 billion people; 2/3 have birth moms with cytomegalovirus prior to pregancy; 2 billion "at risk" dozen(s) of millions birth defects averted   

       note: just 300k Americans died during WWII; stalin, a government employee, loyal to the state, killed 30 million; rescuing dozen(s) million people with french kissing is of value
beanangel, Aug 01 2008

       Well done that man. I still think you're living in a reality perpendicular to mine, but bun for the delivery regardless.
david_scothern, Aug 01 2008

       Why stop with the French? Why not other nationalities? I would coin the term “transnational deep-kissing”   

       If transnational deep-kissing protects against birth defects, I propose that the UN establish programs for all nations to stop birth defects. A world-wide educational program that teaches transnational deep-kissing techniques as early as possible could be started, with master teachers, both men and women (to avoid gender discrimination charges) using hands-on, kissing techniques with the students, perhaps several times per day to insure proper inoculation and sufficient antibody count. Final tests and passing requirements should be established to make sure that all graduates from high school are competent in transnational deep-kissing techniques before moving on to the University where they can inoculate each other without hesitation or shyness.   

       el dueno
el dueno, Aug 02 2008

       //if only there were actually a technology then I could put this up at halfbakery.com//   

       I don't think that there needs to be "a technology". If the action is performed in a different manner, with a goal in mind, it's more than a "let's all". I'm not saying that right, but this idea could have stopped halfway down, been better, and got my [+].
baconbrain, Aug 02 2008

       bun for considering the Mor(m)ons.
RayfordSteele, Mar 25 2009

       // Despite the use of capitals, I knew this was Beanie from the title. //   

       Me too, but I began to doubt it and had to check when I saw the idea was presented in the form of a dialogue, which is a style I don't remember seeing from him before.   

       // A world-wide educational program that teaches transnational deep-kissing techniques //   

       Now there's a phrase I didn't think I'd ever read…   

       // using hands-on, kissing techniques //   

       Mouth-on kissing techniques, surely?
notexactly, Apr 12 2019

       Bun for the restraint demonstrated by not incorporating Vagina-jam.
RayfordSteele, Apr 12 2019


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