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General Relativity

Confuses faster than the speed of light.
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A distant cousin to everybody, General Relativity has no fixed operating base; instead, he hops from house to house at the places of his many relatives, disguised as a traveling physicist on military assignment. A keen war-strategist, the General uses informational dominance tactics, given at near light speed to confuse his enemies with physics explanations of trains moving towards eachother and time-traveling twins on spaceships. He eventually traps his more Euclidean opponents in a wormhole of confusion, and having completed his job, leaves the previous day.
RayfordSteele, Apr 28 2002

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       missed it, went by car.
po, Apr 28 2002

       His sidekick? Vernon...
RayfordSteele, Apr 28 2002

       Something I never understood about the theory of relativity: lets say you have an accelerating particle of finite size being acted upon by a force. Now, if your reference frame is that particle, then everything is accelerating around you in the other direction. So in your reference frame, there's this monstrously huge force acting on everything else. How does that pair up with the piddly force acting on your particle? Do forces fall outside of general relativity? What am I missing?
RayfordSteele, Apr 28 2002

       RfS: Your reference frame is not inertial.   

       If you choose an accelerating frame of reference, you will have to add fictitious forces to account for the observed phenomena. zB: The Coriolis force in a rotating frame of reference.
neelandan, Apr 29 2002

       Would the general be pitting forces against Quantum Mechanic?
FarmerJohn, Apr 29 2002

       I think a general would command rather more troops than a mechanic.
sadie, Apr 29 2002

       neelanden: May be General Ralativity commands the Coreolis Force, and elit band of spinning commandos, with really short attention spans. Interrupt their relativity explanations for just a split second and they fly off at a tangent...
goff, Apr 29 2002

       Does he have a five-man executive command team of Major Particles?
Are their weapons made out of steel from the iron ore that the Miner Particles dug? (phew, that was tenuous..)
sappho, Apr 29 2002

       UB: He's not a real general. He's just named after one.
beauxeault, Apr 29 2002

       Surely no match for Corporal Punishment and his close friend Major Heart-Surgery.
lubbit, Apr 29 2002

       Well, seeing that General Relativity is away giving advice about a war, let's not let a perfectly wonderful supper get cold on the table, aye?
reensure, Apr 29 2002

       nee.... thanks. I forgot that 'inertial reference frame' bit.   

       What happens if I pick a reference frame that exists inbetween quanta states?
RayfordSteele, Apr 29 2002

       Never *ever* do that!
lubbit, Apr 29 2002

       "Why, what happens?"
"Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."
"Okay, thanks. Important safety tip."
RayfordSteele, Apr 29 2002


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