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Hadrian's Wheels

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I'm concerned about the number of people who make for Devon and Cornwall (at the south west tip of the UK) during bank holidays.

There seem to be so many cars heading down the M5 that I'm becoming worried that the British Isles may begin to tilt, with the obvious consequences that everything to the southwest of Bristol will become submerged, and Scotland will be hoisted into the air, resembling the bow of the Titanic.

For my money, the most sensible solution would be to put Hadrians wall on wheels, so that it could be moved slightly north during the holiday period, to work as a counter-balance.

Fishrat, Jun 04 2004

(?) Broadband in Cornwall http://www.actnowco...dband_campaigns.cfm
[angel, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Traffic Jam http://www.halfbake.../idea/Traffic_20Jam
Feed the tourists this stuff and there'll be no need for them to leave their houses. Thus ensuring the natural balance of the UK is not upset. [DrBob, Oct 05 2004]

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       Alternatively, and perhaps more acceptably to my Scottish cousins than 'shifting the border' northwards, perhaps there could be a government program transferring an equivalent weight in beer and spirits from the south to the north. Before anyone travels to Devon or Cornwall, they must register their intentions at the local council office, who then dispatch the traveller's weight in beer to Glasgow on the projected day of travel. In the north, the grog is distributed at special centres and taken, for safekeeping, into people's homes. On the projected day of people travelling back to their homes from holidays in Devon and Cornwall, the government asks Glaswegians to kindly return the same weight of grog to enable it to be trucked back to Southern England.
ConsulFlaminicus, Jun 04 2004
  

       Every time I go to Cornwall, I attempt to consume at least my body weight in beer. Does this help?
angel, Jun 04 2004
  

       well, I aint going. there's no broadband access from what I am told.
po, Jun 04 2004
  

       Not so, [po]. (linky)
angel, Jun 04 2004
  

       //the government asks Glaswegians to kindly return the same weight of grog to enable it to be trucked back to Southern England.//
Mff! Heh. Haha. Aahahahahahaha!
  

       But yeah, I'm not convinced. The Highlands of Scotland are every year filled with a Volvo driving horde of countless tourists all of whom have at least seven screaming children, most of whom are called Joshua and Emily. On this basis, the weight distribution problem is smaller than is feared by Fishrat.
Anyway, wouldn't it be better if somewhere more central was put on wheels? Somewhere like Birmingham? With any luck, it'd roll into the sea.
calum, Jun 04 2004
  

       The only good thing in Birmingham is the fa... the faaa... the meatballs in gravy.
FloridaManatee, Jun 04 2004
  

       Feel free to submerge the southwest of Bristol... but is there any way to save Devon and Cornwall from the same fate?
david_scothern, Jun 04 2004
  

       SouthWest Bristol is ok by me ... sure, bit rough in places, but not worth terminally submergin'. You some kind of gass'ead*?   

         

       * (local term for a supporter of Bristol Rovers, who prevail from the North of Bristol)
jonthegeologist, Jun 04 2004
  

       Look lets combine our hatred against somewhere we could stand to loose? Birmingham is important without it somewhere else would have to cope with the jokes and the stick.   

       Second thoughts wheels, Engine and flotation system, nowhere is safe from marauding Birmingham... with the possible exception of Walsall who would want to go there?
engineer1, Jun 04 2004
  

       Sounds very Pythonesque, Birmingham creeping up behind you unexpectedly. A sort of giant urban Spiny Norman. BTW, I'm all for moving Hadrians Wall slowly northwards, especially if you are going to make it much taller with no gaps in it, and none underneath either. You can stop at John O'Groats.
unclepete, Jun 04 2004
  

       The roaming Birmingham inspired by Crimson Pearl Assurance.   

       An idea that was kicked round up at Newcastle Upon Tyne uni and supported by both the Scots and the English was The Newcastle-Carlisle ship Canal.
engineer1, Jun 04 2004
  

       You could just tie a rope between Normandy and London, and make sure it's tight - that way, if southern England flops into the sea, at least it takes someone else down with it.
shapu, Jun 04 2004
  

       Young beachgoer on holiday, just arrived and quite bewildered: What’s happened to all the sand?
Old man: It was all sent to Newcastle.
To Newcastle! How, why?
All On lorries. Thousands of them.
But why, What ever for?
Balancing, they said, something about Scotland being thrown up in the air. A bit of foolishness if you ask me.
But we’re in Devon!
Strange, isn’t it? Some berk called himself Fishrat started it all. He wanted to put Hadrian’s Wall on wheels, but they said no, sand was better.
Better than moving the wall?
Actually, better than shipping the grog, like some Flamin lunatic wanted. Of course, they hanged him and that was that.
ldischler, Jun 04 2004
  

       I've just checked my profile, and it doesn't disclose that I'm a Brummie born and bred. You lot have got a freaky 6th sense.   

       I haven't the energy to defend beautiful Birmingham from your totally unjustified comments! I'm too worn out from hanging onto the rope which we've anchored to Coventry to prevent [calum]'s wicked wheels having their way.
Fishrat, Jun 05 2004
  

       angel, No 1 son is in Devon and cannot get broadband and not looking good for some time.
po, Jun 05 2004
  

       It's certainly a bit patchy there. Tell him to move to Cornwall. (The beer's better anyway.)
angel, Jun 05 2004
  

       //The beer's better anyway//   

       Sorry [angel], it's all been shipped to Glasgow.
Fishrat, Jun 07 2004
  

       Fishrat, as you are a fellow Brummie lets just put the wheels on Coventry i think we would even get support from Coventry residents in this idea.
engineer1, Jun 07 2004
  

       I've already headed down the A45 and started campaigning in Hillfields!
Fishrat, Jun 08 2004
  

       Of course, when I look at a map, the north of England is always higher than the South. Especially if I tilt it a bit.
Ling, Jun 08 2004
  

       Fishrat let me know if you survive hillfields you did pack a bullet proof vest, and book the armoured car? or has hillfields got safer recently?
engineer1, Jun 08 2004
  
      
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