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Handy Script

"You can say what you want to say if it's in the script"
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You are sitting at a coffee shop and the person at the next table is talking loud enough in their mobile phone that the entire restaurant can hear. You mutter, "Don't you hate these idiots with cell phones that talk loud and think they are trying to impress us?" The person on the phone stops and says," Excuse me, are you talking to me you jerk?" You calmly raise your head from your reading and reply, " No, I am reading from this script I am studying." The phone caller continues with their obnoxious chatter and you say, "You know, some people just can't take a hint when to shut up!" Infuriated, the loudmouth says, "Okay moron, what the hell is your problem?" You politely open up the script of a play entitled, "Like I said" and turn to the page of the script you are on and show them the lines you just read. The buffoon is red-faced, the rest of the cafe is chuckling and you go back to enjoying your peace. Now available in book stores, it's Handy Script! Handy Script has 200 brad-bound pages of useful everyday phrases imbedded in its script formatted text. There are hundreds of phrases for every day scenarios that allow you to always claim that you are reading words from a script. If you are too timid to speak up for yourself use index to find imbedded passages for such lines as: "Get a room!", "Put out that cigarette you ass----", and "Yes they are real, want a closer look?" Take Handy Script with you wherever you go and always make a handy statement.
wombat, Sep 26 2003

Trigger Happy TV http://www.triggerhappytv.com/frames.htm
[Amos Kito, Oct 05 2004]

[link]






       There's a stunt very similar on Trigger Happy TV (a show that's like Candid Camera on drugs). A man on a street corner yells angry comments, while looking directly at a passerby. When someone reacts, he turns and continues his "conversation on the cell phone", until the target cools off. It's one of their better recurring stunts.
Amos Kito, Sep 27 2003
  

       I like this. Nicely done, wombat.
krelnik, Sep 27 2003
  

       This would come in handy when under cross-examination in court.   

       "Mr Wombat. If, as you claim, you felt no ill-feelings towards the victim, then how do you explain the reports of several witnesses who say that shortly before his death they heard you shouting, and I quote, 'I'm going to kill you, you dirty low down son of a bitch'"
stupop, Sep 27 2003
  

       Saturday Night Live had a skit like this. Their version involved a guitar player in a subway station singing "songs" begging for money, threating to kill people, etc. When confronted, he'd insist he was just singing the lyrics.
phoenix, Sep 27 2003
  

       I read scripts when I (rarely) go to these places alone, so I'm already set.
thumbwax, Sep 27 2003
  

       Hm. I don't really think a person reading insults from a script loud enough to be heard by the room inhabitants is any better than the person talking loud on the phone.
waugsqueke, Sep 30 2003
  

       //Hm. I don't really think a person reading insults from a script loud enough to be heard by the room inhabitants is any better than the person talking loud on the phone.//   

       Well, he's better in that he's funnier, and, in theory, he gets the loud talking cell phone user to stop.   

       Nice one, Wombat.
snarfyguy, Sep 30 2003
  

       There could also be sections of script that let you ask someone you are attracted to out, and then have a perfect escape plan if it all goes south.
wombat, Sep 30 2003
  

       // and then have a perfect escape plan if it all goes south. //   

       No comment.
Detly, Sep 30 2003
  

       "The part where I inform you that I used to be a <opposite gender> was NOT in the script."
Detly, Sep 30 2003
  
      
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