Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Helicopter Enema

For convenient illumination
  [vote for,

This is a combination of luminous neon balloons and luminous lumina.

Insufflate the large bowel with neon. Launch five tiny helicopter drones powered by positronic-electronic annihilation and guide each into a strategic position in the colon: one just before the sigmoid, one at the distal end of the descending colon, one on each side of the transverse colon and one just distal to the caecum. As they hover in position, each shoots a beam of leptons along the line of sight to adjacent drones, thereby causing ionisation and luminous neon. Use the neon to illuminate one's surroundings if one lacks a handy light source of another kind.

Clearly the positrons would have to be very limited in quantity but the problem of not being able to close a circuit would be solved (and I'm not sure that was a real problem because lightning). They can be harvested from the ionosphere during thunderstorms and stored in magnetic bottles inside the drones.


Helicopters are a convenient mode of transport. Rather than having to manufacture them, allow them to reproduce sexually and grow by storing genome-like information in helices of silica units containing extra atoms as codons. This could produce single-piece helicopters which grow in a silicon-rich broth, eat and excrete like animals, and lay helicopter eggs containing more silicon- rich broth gradually being assembled into baby helicopters which then hatch out and grow. These helicopters would spin rapidly like sycamore seeds, but a gimbal-based seat could be used to house passengers.

If something goes wrong with these helicopters, simply diagnose the problem by giving them enemas and inserting endoscopes.

nineteenthly, Mar 12 2017


       This is bad and wrong on so many levels .... [-]
8th of 7, Mar 12 2017

       But is it interestingly wrong on any of those levels, [ of ]?
nineteenthly, Mar 12 2017

8th of 7, Mar 12 2017

       This entire idea simply seems to be an excuse to use the word "enema" a lot.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 12 2017

       Well I could just have posted an idea consisting of the word "enema" repeated a few hundred times but it would've been marginally more annoying than this one.
nineteenthly, Mar 12 2017

       But only marginally.   

       You do know, I presume, that there are people who will gratify almost any desire for a fee? Just in case you're at a loose end.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 12 2017

       So not a screw shaped enema that moves upwards on gut contractions before dissolving
wjt, Mar 14 2017

       Way ahead of you on that one [MB]!
nineteenthly, Mar 15 2017

       I know. I get a percentage.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2017


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