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Holiday Music Dosimeter

My ears! My precious ears!
  (+11, -1)(+11, -1)
(+11, -1)
  [vote for,

Folks at nuclear facilities wear badges that register the number of rays of evil that cross their chests each day. Highly exposed badges are a sure sign of a facility needing discipline, and wearers of highly exposed badges can earn a long or permanent respite from work that exposes them to the creepy bad stuff.

It seems to me that both of these advantages would be welcome during the annual onslaught of forced exposure to holiday audio "cheer".

The holiday music dosimeter would take advantage of the song-recognition technology being developed by our good friends in the recording industry. Dosimeter wearers would benefit from a service that classified holiday music into various genres and attributes, whose severity could be rated in advance by users (at a safely removed span of time before the holidays, to avoid adding the calibration-time dose to the December inundation). My personal dosimeter, for example, would respond most heavily to pop or R&B renditions of carols, and might actually register a negative dose for anything involving actual live human choruses, especially if they were singing something outside of the 8 or so McCarols we all know so well.

Volume would definitely be taken into account, and advanced models might apply multipliers upon detecting the heat and pressure of close crowds.

After a particularly serious exposure, dosimeter wearers could simply refuse to enter certain establishments, pointing gravely at the life-threateningly red levels displayed on their badges.

Large groups receiving more than a year's safe dose on a single day could sue to force establishments to display prominent warnings. Safety-conscious establishments could proudly display signs saying IT HAS BEEN __ DAYS SINCE OUR LAST OVERDOSE. Grouchy crowds in an establishment would have a new tool with which to signal management that a reduction in volume or a change in genre would be welcome, say, right now.

Cashiers at retail outlets could wear dosimeters calibrated to a union-negotiated standard, and receive hazard pay for service that exceeded this standard.

Epidemiologists could stand in parking lots, correlating aggressive and antisocial behavior with holiday music dosage levels.

Awareness, after all, is the first step in harm reduction.

egads, Dec 10 2004

noise dosimetry http://www.etymotic.com/pro/er200.aspx
current state of the art [csea, Dec 14 2004, last modified Jul 06 2009]

Too Loud Tie Too_20Loud_20Tie
Unashamed elf-promotion [csea, Dec 14 2004]

Vexibels Vexibels
[Cuit_au_Four, Dec 14 2004]


       When crap music reaches dangerously toxic levels, the massive backpack-carried speakers start pumping out the portentious "overdose overdose overdose" chorusy bit of "Substance Abuse" by Fuse, it being the least Christmassy tune ever. Unless, of course, you consider "Substance Abuse" by Fuse to be toxic music, in which case the speakers give you "My Young Man" by Kate Rusby, it being the least techno song ever.   

       Basically, the dosimeter should be connected to a speaker system that would allow the overdosing christmas shopper a musical equivalent of the junkie's adrenaline shot.
calum, Dec 12 2004

       This idea appeals to my sense of humor. A lot. +
bristolz, Dec 12 2004

       Great stuff [egad]. My backpack speaker will be kicking out Limp Bizkit's cover of George Michael's "Faith" or Nirvana's "Negative Creep" if (when) I'm angry. To enforce a sense of peace and calm in the chaos, Saint-Saen's organ concerto. [+]
DocBrown, Dec 13 2004

       keep thinking ' dozey-doe '   

       or however you spell it!
po, Dec 13 2004

       "So here it is, Merry Christmas, everybody's having"... music drowned out by machinegun fire followed by peaceful silence, punctuated by the crackle of war-torn speakers.
david_scothern, Dec 13 2004

       + I wouldn't limit this to holiday music - any annoying sound or music should be fair game!   

       I like the customization feature!   

       A couple of [links] for reference...
csea, Dec 14 2004

       My fiancee works in retail management - a high end gift store, currently. I suggested to her that her dosimeter will probably entitle her to a damages claim by the end of December.
normzone, Dec 14 2004

       Sounds like you'd like the 'Santa Cause' cd... maybe... oh, and [+]
ghillie, Dec 14 2004

       A vexibel metre with a festive twist?   

       I like.
Cuit_au_Four, Dec 14 2004

       I'd put off reading this for a bit because I thought it would be about Vacation Music, which would, frankly be a bit weird (i.e. to make sure that you're not exposed to loud music on vacation). Anyway.. I think such a badge would be most useful, as a one-time wearer of the X-Ray version I say bring it on. Music to my ears.
neilp, Dec 14 2004

       Love this idea. Now we just need a monitor that would sense loud cell phone talkers.
WhirlyTwirley, Apr 04 2006


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