Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Hot Underwear Dispensing Machine Gun

Fire rolled up bras and knickers at yourself
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This is inspired by those packets of underwear with rolled up knickers and the hot towels you get in restaurants. It consists of a machine gun with a rotary barrel in which bra and knicker sets are stored, rolled up, in alginate containers for environmental friendliness. After you've worn your underwear, you drop it into a hopper where it gets laundered and air-dried in a dedicated washer/hot air dryer. There are also washing powder and algal gloop hoppers and the gun is plumbed into the bedroom water supply, possibly in an en suite bathroom A system then selects a bra and knickers, folds and rolls them and simultaneously prepares tubes of alginate, into which the rolled underwear is inserted, and heat-sealed before being loaded into the magazine.

When one requires underwear, one presses a button on the remote or gets someone else to pull the trigger on the gun, which uses high explosive to heat and fire the underwear at you. You then bite off the end of the packet, eat the container, which is laced with extra nutrients to get you going on your breakfast, and you don the underwear.

Useful for large families and the morning after a massive orgy.

nineteenthly, Feb 18 2019

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       //those packets of underwear with rolled up knickers and the hot towels you get in restaurants// I have never, ever, ever eaten in a restaurant that gives out packets of underwear. I'm not sure I would.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 18 2019
  

       Possibly in Patpong in Bangkok...
not_morrison_rm, Feb 18 2019
  

       I am for this.
calum, Feb 18 2019
  

       But I have a question: is the underwear as hot as the hot towels you get in restaurants? I fear that may be too hot for wee calum to bear.
calum, Feb 18 2019
  

       The alginate is strong in this one - so much so, I think disposable, alginate underwear should emerge as the dominant notion. Machine-gun schmachine-gun, when there's the option of disposable algae oe even kelp-based hosiery on offer, who can fail to be intrigued?
zen_tom, Feb 19 2019
  

       " Useful for large families and the morning after a massive orgy "...   

       Roll tide ...
normzone, Feb 19 2019
  

       Why a machine gun? Do you wear more than one at a time?
RayfordSteele, Feb 19 2019
  

       I envisage a coordinated turntable occupied by a ring of nakor.
nineteenthly, Feb 19 2019
  

       <pulls white cloth from face only to see the words 'Giorgio Moroder for Men' embroidered on the waistband/>   

       "So sorry sir, we were out of towels"
bigsleep, Feb 20 2019
  

       Yes, italo is actually exactly right. This is a very italo weapon. "Hey Hey Guy" specifically.
calum, Feb 20 2019
  

       This gives me an idea.
doctorremulac3, Feb 20 2019
  

       Isn't this taking admiring 'fan'aticism too far.
wjt, Feb 21 2019
  

       //inspired by those packets of underwear with rolled up knickers and the hot towels you get in restaurants//
This isn't on the menu of any restaurant that I've visited recently. Is this a Japanese thing? It sounds like it could be.

Is it a starter, main course or what? And what kind of a sauce is it served with?

//large families and...a massive orgy.//

I'm told that this is how they keep the wages low at the Rentisham's factory.
DrBob, Feb 21 2019
  

       This idea should be FULLY BAKED. I award you One Fresh Bun. [+]
Grogster, Feb 24 2019
  

       //I'm told that this is how they keep the wages low at the Rentisham's factory// Au contraire. Rentisham's has one of the oldest employee welfare systems in England. Wages have always been substantially higher than those in comparable industries, and the original Rentisham's factory was surrounded by a village built specifically for the employees, modelled on that of Cadbury's. We also have no mandatory retirement age, and indeed our chief gacker is now in his mid- 80's and still going strong.   

       Regarding this idea, though, if it involves alginate sabots, why not simply paint the entire genital region with alginate and then set it with a quick misting of calcium chloride?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 24 2019
  

       Would that be the same calcium chloride of which "main hazards: irritant" (wikipedia)?   

       You first, I think.
pertinax, Feb 25 2019
  

       Yes, and the same calcium chloride that's used as a food additive. It's an irritant as a dry powder.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 25 2019
  

       ... a food additive which "tenderizes meat". And once the misting had settled, wouldn't the residue tend to become a dry powder?
pertinax, Feb 28 2019
  

       I suspect that the classification of calcium chloride as an irritant is in the same vein as the MSDS that lists water as hazardous by inhalation.   

       UPDATE: I just checked the Federal Register MSDS for water. Amongst the many precautions, it advises in the event of skin contact: "Wash hands and other exposed areas with mild soap and water before eating, drinking or smoking and when leaving work."
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 28 2019
  

       But I'm sure, if I keep this up long enough, it will *become* an irritant.
pertinax, Mar 01 2019
  
      
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