Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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House Spouse Olympics

So all you housewives can show up your househusbands
  (+6, -1)
(+6, -1)
  [vote for,

Imagine it! Hundreds of people competing to find out once and for all, on the home front, who the better half really is. Man against wife, tooth and nail, nose against grindstone, teeth bared in a grimmace of defeat/humilation in front of loved-one.

Some catagory ideas (in no particular order):
Washer/Dryer Relay - Lets see who can get the large load of towels into the washer, washed (without mixing colors) and dried fastest. Next round with jeans, third round with reds. *Added difficulty - clothes are mixed together*

Laundry Folding - One basket towels, one basket assorted clothes for full family. Folding has to meet HSOlympic committee standards.

Lawn Care - Who can cut the lawn with the least mistakes and in the fastest time? Pull weeds out of the mulch beds, who has their back give out first? Inculdes clearing obsticles from mower path (large branches, rocks) and gearing up for weed wacking.

100 Meter Hedge Trim - 2 different utensil classes, manual and motorized. Style, grace, and speed are awarded points.

Child Discpline - Who will be the first to break? Starts in a solitary room with toys and 2 children, every 15 minutes another child is added until the breaking point is reached and the parent uses personal preferance of discpline. Points given for amount of children in room and time it takes to settle them down.

Sweeping/Mopping - Sweep and mop same floor space. Least amount of grit and residue and fastest time takes home gold. (and a bottle of Mr. Clean)

Plumbing - We all know the plumbing breaks down and havoc ensues. This is an exercise in fixing simple plumbing problems in bathroom and kitchen, i.e. stopped up toliets, clogged sinks, malfuntioning disposals. Fastest and most correct gets points.

barnzenen, Oct 07 2002

Porta-walls http://www.halfbake...om/idea/Porta-walls
[hollajam]: We need to talk about the movable wall thing. [phoenix, Oct 08 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Discovery Channel: The Great Domestic Showdown http://www.allyourt...ticshowdownthe.html
Didn't quite follow your suggestions; instead focused on more glamourous domestic disciplines like cooking and decorating. Adam Carolla hosted. [jutta, Oct 04 2004]


       One problem - who's the judge?
XSarenkaX, Oct 07 2002

       The HSOlympic committee... and peers.
barnzenen, Oct 07 2002

       Washer/Dryer Relay - Hubby routes 2" intake pipe to washer to reduce fill time, connects furnace duct to dryer intake to reduce dry time.
Laundry Folding - This one's a wash (npi). No man can fold clothes.
Lawn Care - In the bag (npi). Men are experts at getting this job over with ASAP.
100 Meter Hedge Trim - See above.
Child Discpline - Too ambiguous. Need a ruling from the judges that duct tape is not punishment.
Sweeping/Mopping - This is what wet/dry vacs were made for. Just don't tell the wimmin.
Plumbing - Make this more fair by not judging on time but some ratio of blood spilled and/or profanity. Plus the judges will be biased against a man with "plumber's butt" and biased for a woman with the same affliction.
phoenix, Oct 07 2002

       You'd be suprised, phoenix. Personally I think I'm better at folding clothes then wife, but she says I can't do it worth a flying f.... I fold quicker and I know what shirt is what when I'm done. And about the Hedge trimming and lawn care, my step mother does yard work just as good as my dad. I'd be interested in seeing the results of this, if something ever came of it. And about the judges being biased, well, thats why there are an equal number of men and women in the judge section. If the vote ties it goes to the HSOlympic commitee
barnzenen, Oct 07 2002

       Gold medal champ (21 golds) at fill dirt yard leveling (21 two-ton dump trucks alone by hand.)   

       Gold medal for plumbing solder (silver medalist couldn't hold the lead-- I mean make the 'lead' hold...)   

       Gold medal in movable wall events. (No other entrants)   

       Gold medal in all other artistic events bringing good things to life...   

       --Sacked in laundry events and bulk shopping.
hollajam, Oct 08 2002

       If my ex boyfriend's mother competed in this, she'd take home enough gold to erase the US national debt.
madradish, Oct 08 2002

       I've said it before..."Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise".   

       I'd enter every event, but there aren't many that I'd *compete* in. If I turned out to be any good, I'd be expected to do it again - what kind of reward is that?
Jinbish, Oct 08 2002

       Spoken like a GUY!
XSarenkaX, Oct 08 2002

       Indeed. But sex isn't the issue. Laziness is.
Jinbish, Oct 08 2002

       I can foresee two problems:   

       Many of the women would be wanting to enter (at least) two events at the same time.   

       When the starter gun went on many of these events most of the men would just stand around saying, "Yeah, whenever".
TwoSheds, Oct 08 2002

       The dirty diaper discus toss.
blissmiss, Oct 08 2002

       [Jinbish]: Ok, spoken like a lazy-ass, then.
XSarenkaX, Oct 08 2002

       <reclines in office chair, puts feet on desk>
Jinbish, Oct 08 2002

       And can't forget the diaper change/toss. No gaging allowed, if gaging ensues applicant is disqualified. Child should be toddler sized and should have eaten beans, corn, and asparagus a couple of hours before hand. Fastest in the trash container of choice wins.
barnzenen, Oct 08 2002

       I'm with [Jinbish] - this sounds like the kind of thing the Double X Chromosome Mafia tried with shopping - "just think of it as a game, dear" points awarded for quickness, skill etc. No No NO!   

       'Tis a cruel trick, attempting to pervert the male love of sports and competition to further the sinister but cripplingly mundane domestic agenda.   

       I'm all for the chaps doing our fair share, but let's not sh*t in a bun and call it a burger shall we?   

       Domestic chores are boring as hell and always will be unless fundamentally altered (eg. extreme ironing).   

       I note with surprise that [barnzenen] professes to be male [points wildly] "Look, that's not his face, it's a mask!"
DocBrown, Aug 16 2004


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