Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I think this would be a great thing to not do.

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high fashion personal transportation
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Hoop-skirt hovercraft allows the wearer to float as much as two feet off the ground.
FlyingToaster, Nov 25 2009

what's a hoop skirt ? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoop_skirt
though I mean wider ones than pictured at WP [FlyingToaster, Nov 25 2009]

Australian wedding sugarcraft Australian_20wedding_20sugarcraft
Includes a similar idea [nineteenthly, Nov 25 2009]

Hoverbacon http://www.youtube....watch?v=mjatRkpSa5U
Not relevant in the strictest sense of the word. [wagster, Nov 26 2009]

...so hers wasn't working well... http://www.english....l/grahn/monroe4.jpg
[xandram, Nov 27 2009]


       Not to nitpick (OK, yes to nitpick), how did you arrive at the "two feet" elevation?   

       A more realistic dimension would be 2 cm, which if then so +.
csea, Nov 25 2009

       A hoop skirt is suspended from the waist of the wearer on flexible tapes. Can you explain how lift is to be applied to the person? What types of straps, rods, linkages and struts, etc.?
pocmloc, Nov 25 2009

       //straps, rods, linkages// the Hoverdress is self-contained; the wearer rests on a small seat, inside from the waist down.   

       //two feet// two feet... get it ? (okay, marketing made me write that, but I thought it was cute).
FlyingToaster, Nov 25 2009

       //This is gonna take a shitload of beans, to get any meaningful lift.//   

       You may be pleased to know that another name for a hoop skirt is "farthingale". It is not clear whether the "h" is silent.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 25 2009

       Aha, the old "leave out the technical stuff entirely and no-one will notice" ploy - good start though. I hope the otherwise-Victorian dress will be controlled by a pair of futuristic joysticks protruding from the skirt. I'd like to see a ballroom full of them.
wagster, Nov 25 2009

       //the old 'leave out the technical stuff entirely'//
yes, well, about that: the original concept came in the form of a mental image of Victorian era ladies gliding along garden paths, and gliding their way effortlessly through ballroom dances, floating across ponds, etc; all sans technical details.

       Currently I'm leaning towards a hemispherical shell, in which one sits and controls movement via foot-pedals; the actual dress portion would be draped over the shell. But that would make it general-purpose, ie: useable without requiring a skirt. Alternatively pictured is a(n internally reinforced) hoop-skirt which is the actual air chamber.
FlyingToaster, Nov 25 2009

       Ah, now not only have i thought about this but it's part of my whole real meringue joint wedding outfit idea on here whose name has slipped my mind. My thought was that this could be made to work if there was a seat inside the dress on which bride and groom sat and which was part of the frame.
nineteenthly, Nov 25 2009

       IIRC hovercrafts don't actually trap air "under" their skirt, they have two skirts and force the air between them. Maybe you need some sort of twin-skirt approach.
wagster, Nov 25 2009

       [19thly] "Australian Wedding Sugarcraft", though I've more in mind Steampunk flavoured accoutrements.
FlyingToaster, Nov 25 2009

       .. umm... I'd consider the redundancy, but you've got "custard powered engine" and "sugar-glass fans" as well as a dual-wedding dress, so I'm gonna stand on this... still can't decide whether to go for the hard or soft-shell model for "how it works"; given the weight, even the soft-shell model would need some kind of auxiliary support for non-powered or "parked" mode.   

       [edit: soft-shell: hard-shell would simply be a personal-sized hovercraft]
FlyingToaster, Nov 26 2009

       Fair enough.   

       I think there are two different types of hovercraft skirt, and i will look this up in a sec, but i think the difference is to do with the airflow. One goes through the sides, the other down the middle. Could be wrong though.
nineteenthly, Nov 26 2009

       //Fair enough//
makes me want to re-name/write this as "Personal Hovercraft Cozy" to make a small hovercraft look like a large hoop-skirt.
FlyingToaster, Nov 26 2009

       OK, there are three types: bag, finger, and bag and finger. Bag skirts have an inflated loop on the outside and either feed air through them from the fan which then supply the air cushion through holes or inflate it through scoops. The second design is vulnerable to tearing and either don't negotiate obstacles well. Finger skirts have lots of vertical slats or fringes, and if i knew more about fashion i'd be able to tell you what that's called - like grass skirts. The pressure from the air cushion itself holds it in place, so i imagine they sort of interlock somehow as they aren't joined. The problem with that design would be that if movement is inwards in any direction, the air cushion would collapse. This can be solved by having it trail along the ground, so the best thing there would appear to be some kind of train behind the dress which you should never either walk backwards in or (assuming the dress is motorised or pedal-powered) reverse. Are you envisaging more a bubble-car style arrangement here or thinking that the dress should have a reverse gear? If the former, an extended finger skirt won't work, but if the latter and the skirt is pedal-powered, it would take some getting used to.   

       The other kind of skirt is the combined bag and finger skirt, where i think you either have inflatable fingers or a bag skirt with a fringe. These are heavy but combine the advantages of both types of simple skirt. However, if you're thinking of an hoop skirt, that would seem highly appropriate.   

       Right, so given all that, there is another issue. The pressure inside the air cushion will be higher than the ambient pressure or it won't work, unless the skirt just has a ring of smaller skirts around the hem maybe. This raises the possibility of a jet-ski style accident, where air enters the peritoneum per vaginam. Consequently, either the air cushion needs to be in a different compartment, the wearer needs to wear airtight knickers, or, and this last one is interesting, the dress would only be suitable for men. So maybe this is more a hover hoop _kilt_ than a dress or skirt?
nineteenthly, Nov 26 2009

       //jet-ski style accident, where air enters the peritoneum per vaginam//   

       Sorry? Jet-ski? How? Does this really happen?
wagster, Nov 26 2009

       //jet ski//[19thly] I think we've established, both by yourself and [wagster] that the entire undercarriage isn't pressurized, so I don't see how a "fringe only" system would affect the nether regions of the wearer. For safety purposes, the operator would have to be able to stand up in a pinch, so a full plenum is rather contra-indicated, anways.
FlyingToaster, Nov 26 2009

       [+] This is so steampunk.
DrWorm, Nov 26 2009

       [Wagster], yes it does, because the abdominal cavity is open to the outside via the uterine (erstwhile "Fallopian") tubes, uterus, cervix and vagina. There is actually communication between the peritoneal cavity and the external environment, except in men, and it's an occasional occurrence in waterskiing accidents that air penetrates there, presumably with the risk of peritonitis from bacteria (but i don't know about that last bit). You're only talking little bubbles.   

       An air cushion would by its very nature have higher pressure than the surrounding atmosphere or it wouldn't work. You could still stand up if there was an intrinsic pair of tights. If you wanted it to be pressurised, it needn't be a problem.
nineteenthly, Nov 26 2009


       I thought wetsuits would... never mind.
wagster, Nov 26 2009

       Interesting point, [wagster], don't know what the answer to that one would be. Maybe they should put a warning on bikini bottoms or something.
nineteenthly, Nov 26 2009

       Would this pose a problem in kitchens equipped with flying toasters?
outloud, Nov 27 2009

       [UB], that sounds like the kind of thing which is likely enough to have happened in prehistoric times to have favoured some kind of mutation at some point, or maybe it's just impossible or not likely enough to lead to it being eliminated.
nineteenthly, Nov 27 2009

       I like, but I agree with [csea]...I'm a little chubby and just can't see me going 2 feet off the ground..AND then where does the chair attach?
xandram, Nov 27 2009

       I see it as having a plank across the top hoop with a saddle. Pedalling would help you lose weight, so it would get easier.   

       Marilyn Monroe's skirt seems to be of the bag skirt design. Also, the fan is not optimally positioned for lift.
nineteenthly, Nov 27 2009

       fans, plural: 4 of them positioned at what would approximately be knee-level; extensible stirrups; still prevaricating between an actual seat, or a harness.
FlyingToaster, Nov 27 2009

       I just got a visual of RC hovercraft ballroom Barbies. Coming soon to a commercialized holiday near you.   


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