Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I Am the Bird Man

  (+6, -1)
(+6, -1)
  [vote for,

Things you will need:

1) two extra-large bags of light, savory, cheesy snacks, like cheetos.

2) access to an area about 1 km away from the target house, where there is a known abundance of seagulls (sky-vermin).

3) target house (the house of your nemesis).

How to do it:

1) Start in the seagull area about 1 km away. Get the attention of some seagulls by feeding them some cheetos. Ensure that they fight over the cheetos, causing a ruckus and attracting more seagulls.

2) When the sky-vermin flock is uncomfortably large (it will happen unexpectedly) begin walking to the target house, the house of your nemesis. As you walk, throw more cheetos behind you, taking only from the first bag. Try to voluminate the cloud of sky-rats at a controlled rate. Maintain and nurture the bait-to-walking rate so that your personal fear is only somewhat contained for the entire route. When the flock overhead is more than 100 seagulls, and if the noise is intolerable, and if you are running at high speed, you should almost be there. An accurate count may not be critical.

3) When you arrive at the target house, flock-in-tow, quickly empty out the second bag all over the front of the house - the lawn, the house, the garden. Ensure even coverage.

4) If necessary, ring the doorbell to get the attention of the resident. When they come out, stand in the middle of the ruckus and shout your message to your nemesis in an obsolete language.

xrayTed, Aug 04 2022


       In what way is this art? Persuading seagulls by using a junk food snack to shit all over someone's house is not particularly inventive. Meanwhile, seagulls are amazing birds, much maligned and under threat from the effects of man made global warming and habitat destruction. Maybe your own house will become a target of their attention, then what will you do?
xenzag, Aug 04 2022

       //you will need...two extra-large bags of light, savory, cheesy snacks, like cheetos.//   

       hmm. I don't think I need to read any further to take action.
Voice, Aug 04 2022

       If you have 100 seagulls laying about, are you not already in a cheetoless beach wasteland so recrudescent with honeyed cheeto leavings that it looks like a Gaudi peltmeltdown?
4and20, Aug 04 2022

       Replace "seagulls" with "people" and you have a concise summary of current politics, society and cultural affairs.
pocmloc, Aug 04 2022

       I'd do this but Mar-a-Lago probably already has seagulls, and any language would be simply list on the listener.   

       The performance would be much improved if it included a costume of Radagast the Brown.
RayfordSteele, Aug 04 2022

       // Mar-a-Lago probably already has seagulls //   

       And a gigantic Cheeto.
a1, Aug 04 2022

       //trump trump trump// As someone who doesn't carry Trump rent free in my head I'm angry about this because you're turning the halfbakery into a place I have to choose a: pretend to agree with certain politics. b: keep silent on a given topic, but everyone else gets to discuss it. c: make a stink, and frequently. This is not a choice I should have to make. You are harming the halfbakery.
Voice, Aug 04 2022

       Goo goo g'joob.   

       Carry on.
whatrock, Aug 04 2022

       I didn't know seagulls or Cheetos were political. How do they even register to vote?
a1, Aug 04 2022

       Couldn't agree more with Voice. I guess the Trump-hate thing has become a sort of religious cult, which is fine, but do we all have to listen to the incessant chanting day in, day out?
doctorremulac3, Aug 04 2022

       I hear his "bone-saw" golf tour's not going too well. Wonder why that is? hahahaha
xenzag, Aug 04 2022

       All public figures - politicians and celebrities of every stripe - are fair game for mockery. The best ones take it in stride and sometimes even poke fun at themselves. I don't see a joke about someone's fake looking tan as either political nor hateful. But for the sake of balance, here's one unrelated to seagulls, cheetos, golf courses, or Republicans:   

       - Why doesn't Joe Biden want to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery?   

       - Because he's still alive.
a1, Aug 04 2022

       They're all fair game. All politicians are boring fucking wankers, and some even leave their stains to prove it.
xenzag, Aug 04 2022

       I'm not against criticizing politicians, I'm against harping all day every day on the same theme.
Voice, Aug 04 2022

       over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…
doctorremulac3, Aug 04 2022

       You two should get sewn together as Siamese twins.
xenzag, Aug 04 2022

       Just stop bringing up Trump for about a year, and then bring him up no more than any other politician. I don't like Trump, but at this point every time I hear it, it's like nails on a chalkboard. I get it. I understood everything you said about him. Stop repeating it. Am I getting through to you? Stop saying the same thing over and over. I don't want to hear it again. You don't need to say it again. It's the same thing you said already. It's not new information. Are we communicating here? Just don't say the same thing over and over, it gets irritating. It's like an alarm you can't shut off. It's annoying. I don't need to hear about this topic. The topic has been exhausted, so there's no point in bringing up old, tired things. The horse is dead, buried, brought up to live via necromancy, beaten to a third level of undead, then beaten into dust. You're not beating a dead horse, you're beating something that used to be a horse three states of matter and many years ago. It doesn't need to be said again. Can we stop this now?   

       Whatever. This is my last attempt to reason with you. From now on I'm going to assume any post referencing Trump is a troll post and treat it accordingly.
Voice, Aug 05 2022

       //You two should get sewn together as Siamese twins.//   

       You really are just an obnoxious hate filled person. I've tried and tried to be nice to you but you really are a lost cause.   

       Your main goal is to turn this place back into the Hatebakery so you can try to make people as miserable as you are.   

       Oh well, trolls gonna troll.
doctorremulac3, Aug 05 2022

       C’mon [Voice], are you really so OCD that if you see a joke or a topic you don’t like that you MUST respond? Before computers wove their way into your life, did you yell at your TV or just change the channel to watch something else?   

       It’s pretty easy to set up a view / filter so you never see any specific word that bothers you. If I have time this evening or tomorrow I’ll put up a tutorial on how to replace the default “recent” view with a custom filtered one.   

       Because I’m all about making people happy, doncha know…
a1, Aug 05 2022

       //you seem upset. Let me show you how to hide those meanie weenie words//   

       And you seem like a troll. Let me ignore you.
Voice, Aug 05 2022

       I'm not sure what happened here. This post is not about Trump or politics. I guess I'll go back to reddit?
xrayTed, Aug 05 2022

       See what happens with this never ending Trump obsessed bullshit? Lost another one. No wonder the once beautiful Halfbakery is dying.
doctorremulac3, Aug 05 2022

       The Halfbakery has an element of the humourless. It is not helped when those with anal sensitivity proclivity jump on genuinely funny jokes. [a1]'s "Cheeto" comment was hilarious. But then it went downhill when the butthurt chimed in...
4and20, Aug 05 2022

       I find it fascinating now. Read the annotations from top to bottom to see who uses the T word first, then a type of "cancel all T comments campaign" or the poor halfbakery will die begins. It's like an episode of Faulty Towers - "for God's sake don't mention the war". I'm up voting those seagulls +++ hahahaha
xenzag, Aug 05 2022

       As for the idea, it's a bit amusing and original [+] but seems like a meanspirited prank [-]
Voice, Aug 05 2022

       Okay, I'll get on board the fun humor train.   

       //You two should get sewn together as Siamese twins.//   

       I think you Trump cultists are already sewn together as one big human centipede, recycling the same "idea" over and over.   

       Hey, you're right, this is kind of fun! I could get used to this! (Now don't get all butt-hurt and humorless on me, we're just having fun here.)   

       I'll also throw out, (for the millionth time) how about we just try to be nice to each other?   

       As for the idea, pretty mean thing to do to somebody. Clever, but mean so [+] [-].
doctorremulac3, Aug 05 2022

       // for God's sake don't mention the war //   

       I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.
a1, Aug 05 2022

       //Goo goo g'joob//   

       Dang it all! I wanted to say that.   

       Logged in all special like just to say it, not linked my password into the tablet I've been using of late yet so I can only lurk on that.   

       You know I made a special trip all the way from the bedroom to the living room just to use the PC, well that was a waste of time, a whole five minutes I won't be getting back in a hurry, my own fault, should have clicked the idea title and checked the annos before bothering :)
Skewed, Aug 05 2022

       //Dang it all! I wanted to say that.//   

       Dibs on the walrus.
Loris, Aug 05 2022

       //Dibs on the walrus.//   


       Been trying to get him out of the bathroom for ages, not the ideal place to keep a Walrus I know, but where else are you going to put it in a flat, cant remember the last time I had a bath.   

       So, where do I send him?
Skewed, Aug 05 2022

       But could The Walrus raise a ruckus? Could a herd be lured with Cheetos, or would Mrs. Paul's Fish Sticks work better?
a1, Aug 05 2022

       Whole fresh mackerel is probably best.
Skewed, Aug 05 2022

       Only if it has holes.
RayfordSteele, Aug 05 2022


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