Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I am a teletubbymarketer

"It's for you, junior."
  [vote for,

Software inserted in your phone that, at the press of a button, converts the caller's speech into Teletubbyspeak. When a telemarketer calls, simply press the button and

"Hello, Mr. Jones, howareyoutodayI'dliketoofferyouanincredibleopportunity..."


"Uh-oh! Messa Dohne. Owa ooh today! Ah likea offa yoo..."

Hand the phone to your toddler. You're free of the scourge, and the teletubbymarketer is providing a free babysitting service.

beauxeault, Aug 29 2003

Seussian Telemarketing http://www.halfbake...ian_20Telemarketing
Posted prior to teletubbymarketing, but I promise my idea was conceived independently. [beauxeault, Oct 04 2004]


       This is wonderful. In order to render into true Tellytubby speak, shirley it needs to do something like "Hello Po [eh-o Po]. Po has a scooter. [Po has coota] Po's scooter is red. [Po coota is wed] Would you like a red scooter? [parp parp] Oh no. [oh no] Po has crashed the scooter [Po crash coota]".   

       And, if you don't have a toddler any more, does the service incorporate delivering a toddler for telemarketer sitting?
PeterSilly, Aug 29 2003

       Shoot, wish I would've thought of it.
RayfordSteele, Aug 29 2003

       C'est une Bun idée. +
k_sra, Aug 29 2003

       you've all gone laa-laa. I think I will run away, run away...
po, Aug 29 2003

(runs away)
phoenix, Aug 29 2003

       reminds me of a thing that 'translates' your dog's (now they also have a cat version too) barks into speaking. 'Bowlingual'. Or those phones that can translate Russian or something into English.
benlevi7, Aug 29 2003

       "Doo yoo have a cwedit cahd?"
"Ummmm Ah think we have some we pway games wiff..
"Doo yoo certify that yoo are over ate-teen?"
"Duz that come before or after fwee?"
RayfordSteele, Aug 29 2003

       Could you have an adult-translation service going the other way? It could be pretty simple and just repeat the following phrases when the child speaks:   

       "That's very interesting. Could you tell me more?"
"What was that first thing again?"
"I'm sorry, my child was distracting me. Can you start over?"
"Do you have any other products I might be interested in?"
Worldgineer, Aug 29 2003

       Alternate modules do Jar Jar Binks.
bristolz, Aug 29 2003


       (Me-sa don't likes!)
Cedar Park, Aug 29 2003

thumbwax, Aug 29 2003

       > Jar Jar Binks   

       the annoying bloody character in the history of film   

wobbly, Aug 29 2003

       Our teletubbies speak lame spanish and the voices are annoying. Plus, some telemarketers already talk stupidly, but the approach is very cute. I love toddler voices.
Pericles, Aug 29 2003

       /Would you like a red scooter?/   

       No, no red cooter for me, thanks...
X2Entendre, Aug 29 2003

       Hold on: telemarketers know enough about you to figure out just which siren or celebrity accent to employ for your household--this bake could have us all waiting by the phone for a sales call from Walter Cronkite or Catherine Zeta-Jones.
tfangio, Aug 31 2003

       Bill and Ben telemarketing? Clangers? Now that I would love. Apparently the Clangers can be understood in any language so that would be a bonus for international telemarketing peeps.
squeak, Sep 01 2003

       i vote clangers, especially the soup dragon now that would be an idea... a dragon that makes and delievers soup...
engineer1, Feb 13 2004

       This way, you won't buy anything, and you will not become...   

       (wait for it)   

dagonet, Feb 13 2004

       awesome +
ixnaum, Aug 16 2006


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