Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I will follow you home and beat your ass placard

Some people have nothing better to do.
  (+5, -15)(+5, -15)
(+5, -15)
  [vote for,

On my way home up I-95, the other day, some punk-ass kid in a rice-burner with a shoddy body kit and an I-want-attention exhaust system almost clipped my front end as he weaved from lane to lane.

I communicated my displeasure with his driving style by laying on the horn for several seconds.

He answered with an extended middle finger, waved out of his driver's side window in a jaunty manner, whilst expressing tentative actions I could do to myself in my spare time.

I decided to follow him for a while, with the hopes that he would be exiting the highway before my exit, affording me the opportunity to follow him to his house and beat his ass.

He did.

I followed, closely enough and deliberately enough to indicate my violent intentions.

After a labyrinthine route through town, he eventually pulled into the police station parking lot, parked and sat inside his car with windows up, doors locked and looking intently at his lap.

It occurred to me, as I pulled out of the police station and made my way back to the highway, that if I had a placard of sorts that I could affix to my car indicating that I am ready, willing and able to follow you home and beat your ass, then both parties could have saved each other a great deal of time and embarrassment.

MikeD, Jul 11 2010

youtube: Bad Habit, The Offsping http://www.youtube....watch?v=_wMa_t5cBgY
Here's some relaxing driving music to help MikeD keep his cool. [rcarty, Jul 11 2010]

mail-a-car.com mail-a-car_2ecom
[hippo, Jul 12 2010]

old fashioned http://s3.images.com/huge.32.161657.JPG
[xandram, Jul 12 2010]


       all the energy produced by a lifetime of anger would not keep your coffee warm for long ...
po, Jul 11 2010

       Trying hard to see an idea here, but just finding a rant.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jul 11 2010

       It seems to me that being more obvious about your intentions is not the most intuitive approach for someone who actually intends to beat someones ass. Next time don't be so obvious.
rcarty, Jul 11 2010

       How about smiling and waving graciously?
pocmloc, Jul 11 2010

       What did you do when the guy who was following you, after you just about clipped his bumper while attempting to follow the kid who just about clipped your bumper, finally caught up with you? Does your ass still hurt?
jhomrighaus, Jul 11 2010

       yeah, I can think of another way that "parties could have saved each other a great deal of time and embarrassment." and that is to keep your cool next time and spell check your post next time. Are you going to follow me home and beat my ass for pointing out that this isn't exactly respectable behavior?
WcW, Jul 11 2010

       If you want to beat someone up, follow [rcarty]'s advice.
daseva, Jul 11 2010

       ...and the sign said road raged freaky people, speed not me by,
so I tucked my sign up onto my dash, and I stalked him to ask him why.
I said you drive like a blind grandstanding punk man, I think you'll do,
So I took off my hat and I knocked him flat, heh, then I laid the boots to him tooooo


       Sign Sign everywhere a sign...   

       I find it more satisfying to simply ignore stupidity than rise like a fish to its dangling bait.   

       It can also be highly dangerous to follow people home. In my home town you could find your car being rammed; you dragged out and made to watch as it was pounded then burnt; then your fate could be just about as bad as anything you can imagine.   

       I try to avoid that sort of thing as best I can. No point in turning up dumped inside a bin-bag just because some idiot cuts you off in a car. If it happens a lot, get a camera and post films up on youtube. You might end up attracting a following. Have this bun to quell your anger +
xenzag, Jul 11 2010

       [+] and a couple more buns for [2fries]
FlyingToaster, Jul 11 2010

       Lucky the punk was into games theory.   

       As regards the placard idea, I don't like it. I fear the punk will start selectively cutting off cars without placards. Some people, through no fault of their own, aren't willing and able to follow him home and beat his ass, and aren't willing to make empty threats either.
mouseposture, Jul 11 2010

       //Are you going to follow me home and beat my ass for pointing out that this isn't exactly respectable behavior?//   

       [WcW], Admonishments don't put my life at risk. Someone else's road rage does. But if you are offering, I could oblige, I'm sure.
MikeD, Jul 11 2010

       One of two things will happen; you will get your car keyed a lot, or in 6 months everyone will have one and it will be meaningless.   

       But sort of baked anyway because they have rear window displays now that can be programmed to display whatever message you want.
DIYMatt, Jul 11 2010

       Hmmm... it's possible that the sado-masochistic drivers will misread the intent and look forward to it with great relish "...Oooooo, stop it more! Stop it more!!!..."
Grogster, Jul 12 2010

       Hey.  MikeD's gonna follow y'all home and Beat Your Asses!   

       (nice lyric 2fry)
Mustardface, Jul 12 2010

       With "mail-a-car.com" (link) or a similar service, such as a social networking site in which your membership is tied to your vehicle license plate, you would be able to wave virtual placards at errant drivers, and perhaps beat virtual asses.
hippo, Jul 12 2010

       //everyone will have one and it will be meaningless//   

       Actually, I have planned for this contingency, [DIY], there will be a limited number of placards produced, and if you want one, you need only follow someone whom has one home. He can either hand over the placard or fight.   

       //Where'd daseva's anno go?//   

       Don't ask me, [21]. I've never deleted an anno other than my own.   

       //make sure that you're packing heat and layered with body armor//   

       There are times when you are not?   

       <Shakes head disapprovingly>
MikeD, Jul 12 2010

       I'd suggest, as I suggest to my wife, that you relax, realize people are lazy and stupid and let it go and don't allow other people to have that much control of your life. If not, I suggest two options: one, get a Land Rover or similar tank like vehicle and simply allow them to hit your car. I have had six hit my old Disco and I was only out a total of $25 for a broken tail light lens and $75 for the plastic bit at the end of the rear bumper. Whereas one or possibly two of them were totaled. I got WAY more than $100 worth of entertainment from their actions. The second option is to mount camera or cameras to your car and report them to the authorities. The best of all options is to do both. Then when they cut you off and you don't swerve to avoid them, you can submit the video to YouTube and make money off their stupidity.
MisterQED, Jul 12 2010

       Perhaps similar placards could be created for anglers who cast into eachother's waters.   

       They would read "I will follow you home and eat your bass."
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 12 2010

       I like the homrighaus scenario as a short film: enraged and bent on revenge, each in turn wrongs another, and ultimately the last wrongs the first, so they chase each other in a circle. At the end the camera pans back to show the entire circle, then down to the center where there is a dilapidated Chevy Cavalier. On the hood sits the Buddha.
bungston, Jul 12 2010

       21, I deleted my anno. I didn't like it after I posted it. I found myself partaking in idle threats and felt pretty stupid for that. That being said,   

       The anno said something about how, if I were an angry enough person, I would let you follow me home, call my most troubled and troublesome buddies and have them waiting on you with chains and bats and half empty bottles of whiskey. I would lure you into a situation you could not control, beat your own ass for being so presumptuous as to assume I'd follow your lead, then leave you for dead in a ditch somewhere since you and I are perfect strangers in this world and therefore the police will have a hell of a time figuring out it was me who murdered you.   

       But, I'm not that angry so I deleted it.   

       21 was confused because I said the placard would be "directed at me" and he thinks it's impossible to direct a placard at any individual person. I think pointing at it while riding someone's ass is a good way to direct it at someone, like he basically concluded on his own.
daseva, Jul 12 2010

       good try MB :)
po, Jul 12 2010

       [Daseva], I probably should have elaborated... the placard does not say: "I will follow you home and beat your ass." It is a symbol, like the "striped ass ape" (which signifies a seriously souped-up automobile). The significance of my placard would not be apparent prima facie, but would be a slow-learned subconscious understanding that those with one will take your road-rage to a level you were hitherto unprepared.
MikeD, Jul 13 2010

       Touch my donkey and I'll kill you.
wagster, Jul 13 2010

       Oh, I get it. It's like a warning label. On your car. Warning others of your bad mornings and such. Cute. Undecided.
daseva, Jul 13 2010

       [my hair is having a bad me day]   


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