Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I've Got the Spark for Clark: A Superman Musical

Ricky Martin is Super, Man!
  (+8, -9)
(+8, -9)
  [vote for,

A movie (or Broadway) musical about the adventures and, most importantly, the loves, of pop culture's most cherished (and handsomest) fantasy superhero -- SUPERMAN. Ricky Martin plays the celebrated Man of Steel and his reporter alter ego Clark Kent, while Jennifer Lopez portrays his crush target Lois Lane, the prettiest reporter in town. As Lois, Jennifer will sing a sassy number called "I think Superman is Super, but I've Got the Spark for Clark" with the lyrics. "Most girls love one guy, I love two. What's a girl reporter to do? I want my handsome superhero to fly me to the nearest star -- but I also think I wanna sample Mr. Kent's big ol' CLARK Bar!" :) Clarkie-Boy/S-Man a la Ricky Martin will sing about LIFE AS A SUPERHERO, to the tune of his hit "Livin' La Vida Loca" If this was several decades earlier, Gordon MacRae could play Clark/Superman, with Judy Garland as Lois! Oh, well. . .
LaSparkster, Aug 15 2002


       Christopher Reeves was moderately believable as a nerd, which is very important to the plot; I really don't see Ricky Martin doing that well. Unless maybe you move the action from a newspaper to a hair salon.
DrCurry, Aug 15 2002

       DrCurry, Dean Cain's Clark Kent on LOIS AND CLARK,THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN, was anything BUT a nerd
LaSparkster, Aug 15 2002

       SUPERMAN in a STYLING PARLOR? Well, slap me sideways! OK, Dr. C., how could you do Superman in a styling parlor? (and would you be thinking of changing the hero's name from Clark to Gordon, to boot?)
LaSparkster, Aug 15 2002

       I've been to the home of the writer of the song: Livin' La Vida Loca on numerous occasions - marked difference between it and his former residence, an apartment. But still, Ricky Martin - to put it mildly, sucks - so even though J-Lo's butt (which I've also seen at an incredibly close distance under optimum conditions - less than an arms length while she walked up steps) is still kinda up there, and hasn't turned into a sagging Uni-Buttock (yet) = wait, there's always plastic surgery - much like the plastic surgery she had to make her look the way she does now - (observe pictures before she became a star) - she still can't sing. Therefore, a plate of refritos fisholés.
thumbwax, Aug 15 2002

       Ha! This sounds like an excuse for a really naff song!


He’s an evil super villain
And his evil plans are chillin’
My spine!

       He finds the danger thrillin’,
And his mind turns, ever willin’
To crime!

Always seeking power!
Every waking hour!
Dangerous and dour!
Better run away an’ cower!
Always seeking power!
Every waking hour!
Dangerous and dour!
Don’t disturb him in the shower!

Now Superman’s a rival,
It’s a battle for survival,
It’s war!

Lex ain’t intent on losing
So it's Kryptonite he’s using,
For sure!

Always seeking power!
Every waking hour!
Dangerous and dour!
Better run away an’ cower!
Always seeking power!
Every waking hour!
Dangerous and dour!
Better lock him in the tower!

And the nice reporter lady,
Though she thinks he’s kinda shady,
Is drawn!

‘Cause his criminal persona,
He cruelly hasn’t shown her,
She’s a pawn!

[Final Crescendo]
Dangerous and dour!
Always seeking power!
Every waking hour!
Run away and cower!
Always seeking power!
Dangerous and dour!!
Life could soon be turning sour!
DrBob, Aug 15 2002

       blissmiss: Is this your fish posting ideas again?
pottedstu, Aug 15 2002

       Slothrop's not too sure about this, here...
General Washington, Aug 15 2002

       With that casting, will appeal to Lois common denominator only. Croissant for the title, though.
pfperry, Aug 15 2002

       I'd rather give the croissant for the //Lois common denominator//.. but I'm forced to dole out a carp for even suggesting Ricky Martin
Mr Burns, Aug 15 2002

       >>>>> Who would have thought that after growing up with DC comics we would end up with the superguy in a beauty parlor in tights with his underwear on the outside... oops, hmm, he always used to dress that way huh? Maybe this Vida Loca thing could work for ol'e Clarkie boy after all... What do you suppose we could swap his phone booth for? >>>>>
panamaxer, Aug 16 2002

       I was going to give this a croissant simply for the title.
Then I read the idea...
NickTheGreat, Aug 16 2002

       What about a gay version, with young Jimmy as the romantic lead, singing the immortal "I'm bent..for Kent.."
pfperry, Aug 17 2002

       For pfperry's benefit: If I wrote such a movie/play, some of the "boys" in a "men's bathing parlor" would be infatuated with the superhero, and maybe I would have Jimmy be gay and have the spark for handsome Clark in the manner of a lovestruck schoolboy -- but both S-Man and The Clarkster would be hetero and in love with Lois.   

       BATHING PARLOR GUY: I desperately want to make love to a superhero! ANOTHER GUY AT BATHING PARLOR: Don't we all.   

       In another scene   

       JIMMY: Lois, I need to report a theft. LOIS: A theft? JIMMY: Yes (points to CK) That man just stole my heart!   

       SUPERMAN (Mister Martin) SINGING (to tune of La Vida Loca)   

       When I fly, all the ladies holler. They think that I'm a shining star. The gay boys at the bathing parlor. Wanna taste my big CLARK Bar! I have lived this double life for all my days and nights. I feel exilharated as I soar to highest heights. In my red cape and blue tights. Look! Up in the sky! Life as a superhero! I'm a super guy! Life as a superhero! I'm so strong and fast! So the bad guys are less than zero! I'm the Man of Steel! Life as a Superhero!   

       JIMMY (I see one of the Backstreet Boys or maybe an 'N-Sync-er) SINGING (to the tune of the SOMETHING ABOUT MARY theme)   

       I know I should stop whining. I know it doesn't pay. I know I should stop pining. He's probably not that way. I've had a lot of dates with Lionel and Silvio But there's something about Clarkie that makes me glow. Clarkie . . . . . There's just something about Clarkie.   

       LOIS (A certain Jennifer L) SINGING (to the tune of the Cowsills' I LOVE THE FLOWER GIRL)   

       I saw him land one cloudy day. He had people to help. I stood and admired as he saved people from a fire And I felt just like a kid in 9th grade (9th grade, 9th grade) Such a handsome sight. A Grecian god in tights. I like this Super Guy. Oh, I don't know just why, he simply caught my eye. I like this Super Guy. The finest man by far. Man from another star.
LaSparkster, Aug 17 2002

       Frank Supernatra > tune of: Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Are fishbones Kryptonite
Did you miss Kryptonite
Are you surprised at fish in the cart
Does Ricky Martin stray
To a white hummer gay
When I fished you
And called you Sparkster
Did the hair accessories
Seem gaudy with glare
When you gaze at your vote count
And picture 'sants there
Are you surprised if fishbones count
More than croissants amount
Tell me dear
Are fishbones Kryptonite
Are you surprised if fishbones count
More than croissants amount
Tell me dear
Are fishbones Kryptonite
thumbwax, Aug 17 2002

       I knew there was a good reason I avoided reading this idea until now.
-alx, Aug 18 2002

       Sung by Jimmy Olsen (To the tune of Cole Porter's I GET A KICK OUT OF YOU)   

       I get no kick from Miss Lane. That girl from the news. won't cure my lovesick blues like that handsome and scholarly gent. I get a kick out of Kent.   

       The stewardesses on a plane. Are lovely and tall, but they don't thrill me at all. I like guys, and one guy's heaven-sent. Yes, I get a kick out of kent.   

       I dream that he is close to me, and I'm happy as a skylark. One night divine, his heart near mine, then I can say he's MY Clark.   

       Desire drives me insane for that newspaper guy, and it makes my heart cry I'm full of love and sentiment for that tall strapping newsman, Clark Kent. Yes, I get a kick out of Kent.
LaSparkster, Aug 18 2002

       I don't see any mention of incorporating "Jimmy Olsen's Blues" by 'The Spindoctors'...   

       "I don't think I can handle this..
a cloudy day in Metropolis
I need to talk to my analyst
I ...got it so bad for this little journalist..

       ...it drives my u the wall
and through the roof
Lois and Clark in a Telephone booth..."

       Maybe if it were used, with a 'jealous as hell Jimmy Olsen sub plot, I would then vote for this idea. etc.
Jinbish, Aug 18 2002

       I am very tempted, in a kind of perverse way, to bring this to the attention of one Mr. Andrew Lloyd Webber, just to see what the resulting schmaltz would be.
I would of course have to offer myself up for Public Torture if it ever came to anything......
The_Englishman_Abroad, Aug 18 2002

       Great idea, Jinbish. What suggestions do you have for the subplot involving jimmy's jealousy, assuming he is gay and infatuated with Clark, not Lois (always can use some co-authors/contributors)
LaSparkster, Aug 18 2002

       Maybe we could put this in culture: music show ?
NickTheGreat, Aug 18 2002


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