h a l f b a k e r yStrap *this* to the back of your cat.
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Sorry for your loss. Despair can be the start of many good inventions. |
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So simple only a child can do it. Next time rent a child - Swedish if you can. |
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Actually I find Ikea assembly a very enjoyable and zen like
activity, but for some it provokes rage and destruction. The
idea is to harness that rage and channel it into a system of
calmly orchestrated movements of almost effortless
precision. Watch some aikido and see how perfect it is.
Now imagine it with furniture. |
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I can be very calm, and when I was a juvenile, I was the
leader of the flat's pack. Many of my gang friends went
with the dark side, but I preferred the grey. |
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Flat pack (although I initially typed 'flay pack' so perhaps my subconscious disagrees) assembly is fun! |
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Maybe destroying flatpacks will help me regain my six-pack. |
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The idea of a Swedish martial art has
numerous possibilities. |
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One form might involve distracting the
opponent by means of a startlingly attractive
talll slim blonde (gender selected opposite to
opponent) allowing an opportunity to sneak
up behind them and strike them with a
reindeer. |
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Another form might involve stand-up comedy,
causing the opponent to slash their own
wrists in despair. |
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A further variation could be to coax the
opponent into a location which freezing cold
and pitch dark for 23 hours a day, then
feeding them a diet of pickled fish and Akavit
until they enter a catatonic state* |
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*NB this would not work on Norwegians or
Finns; Norewgians because this is Standard
Operating Procedure, and Finns because this
treatment does not impact on the lower
spinal ganglia that provide the bulk of their
cognitive function (if any). |
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You forgot to mention Hákarl. |
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Would it be permitted to incorporate elements of (say) Llap-Goch, or Ecky-Thump ? |
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You are correct; regrettably, it is only
effective on life-forms* that have developed
matter-transmission ("Transporter")
technology. |
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* and who use the slang term "cap" in the
context of taking out an adversary to imply
"to decouple their transporter pattern
signature signal to ground using a
low-ESR capacitor". |
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Not pun, more paronomasia. |
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Perhaps the cafe in Ikea could start selling flatpack flapjacks ? |
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