Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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A coffin that doubles as a guillotine
  [vote for,

A fairly plain looking yet sturdy wooden coffin made to stand upright on it's end, for the purpose of public beheading. The lid would be hinged to the coffin at the top end, with a slot that aligns with the corpse-to-be (slash offender slash public enemy)'s neck, where a steel blade can be fitted at a right angle, so that on slamming the coffin lid shut using the force of gravity induced by a simple tug on a short pull-rope attached to one side of the lid, the beheading is neatly enacted, simultaneously enclosing the corpse in it's coffin ready for burial slash cremation slash other means of disposal.

For extra convenience (and public safety) the coffin would be fitted with wooden stocks for the neck and ankles, so that the guillotinee slash willing test subject slash martyr stays put while the reasons for the execution are read out. The neck stock would be high enough under the guillotinee's chin that it stretches their neck for the blade to make a nice 'chop!' without being hindered.

Also , the IronBladen could have a plexiglass window in it at face level, so that the corpse's expression post beheading can be satisfactorily viewed and even photographed, strictly for scientific purposes only, of course.

It might be expedient to fit two small wheels to the bottom edge of the IronBladen, so that it can be rolled away easily after the job is done.

As an added measure of neatness and convenience, the coffin could contain a double layered lining on it's inner walls; the first layer consisting of a moisture-proof material such as PVC or some other sort of plastic material, and on top of that, a layer of super-absorbent material, so that the coffin, once slammed shut, becomes a watertight capsule that leaves no mess behind it once rolled away.

The blade can be removed, re- sharpened, and used for the next execution, to slash costs slash expenses slash save government money slash slash slash slash I'm getting carried away now....eek

Edie, Apr 15 2024

stripper pen https://www.youtube...watch?v=-vjhS1DBefA
[xenzag, Apr 15 2024]


       Doctor Guillotin's original design relied heavily on the unmediated force of gravity to move the blade.   

       This device would require either a different motive principle or, (better, I think), a carefully-angled mirror.
pertinax, Apr 15 2024

       Also, we might like to bear in mind this extract from the doctor's bio in Wikipedia:   

       "Despite this proposal, Guillotin was opposed to the death penalty, and hoped that a more humane and less painful method of execution would be the first step towards total abolition. He also hoped that, as the decapitation machine would kill quickly without prolonged suffering, this would reduce the size and enthusiasm of crowds that often witnessed executions."
pertinax, Apr 15 2024

       Right, that's it. I'm so gutted by these lukewarm responses that I think I'll start building my own IronBladen today. After lunch, maybe.
Edie, Apr 15 2024

       Be careful where you lie down for your nap.
pertinax, Apr 15 2024

       Methods of executing people are not that popular as ideas on the Halfbakery. Why? - because they demand little in the way of invention, and killing people isn't really ever something to laugh at. Instead of gory ideas, don't you make an attempt at inventing a new way of toasting bread? Toasters are always a challenge, but do some research first, as chances are, whatever you come up with is here already - but maybe not?
xenzag, Apr 15 2024

       Or a bread slicer shaped like a guillotine or something. Something a little less grim.
doctorremulac3, Apr 15 2024

       Grimly fiendish. I just thought the coffin/guillo combo was quite novel. And I liked the name. But yeah, execution is not a laughing matter at all. Or shouldn't be. And besides, it's a bit gross. Almost as gross as 8th of 7's idea in the same category.
Edie, Apr 15 2024

       You might suggest instead a "guillotine pen" This would be like one of those 60s novelty pens [link] that featured the depiction of a person (always female) that gradually became undressed when the pen was inverted. In the guillotine version, a blade would descend down the shaft of the pen towards the unfortunate victim's neck.
xenzag, Apr 15 2024

       It would be a good deal more humane than current execution methods. [+] As a bonus we'll reduce the number of zombies or vampires when the zombie or vampire apocalypse comes.
Voice, Apr 15 2024

       Does the blade in the guillotine pen actually sever the victim's neck and loose it's head to drift around in the liquid inside the pen? In that case, they'd need to come in packs of twenty or more, and perhaps have customisable victim choices.
Edie, Apr 15 2024


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