Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Joke Self Smoking Cigarettes

Light it up, it "smokes itself" in a few seconds.
 
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Load a regular cig with the necessary flammable chemicals to burn from end to filter in about 3 seconds.

Imagine the impressed look on that gal's face when you choke down a butt in 3 seconds flat. Amaze your friends, be the life of the party. "Spare a smoke buddy?" "Sure can!".

DESIGN UPDATE: As 8 pointed out this could burn somebody's fingers and that would make him very sad so I've improved the design:

This is a variation of the exploding cigarette loads you can buy. It's a long sparkler style pyro stick you insert into the cigarette so it's hidden. When lit, it burns quickly enough to "smoke" the cigarette in a few seconds but stops before it gets to the target's fingers.

doctorremulac3, Dec 02 2019

Like so. https://www.youtube...watch?v=GpWlKCfSPcU
Go to 1:30 [doctorremulac3, Dec 02 2019]

[link]






       Baked.   

       The victim was Not Impressed. Everyone else thought it was hilarious.   

       The skin on his fingers grew back eventually.   

       // the necessary flammable chemicals //   

       The chosen oxidiser was a saturated solution of potassium chlorate. The solution was heated to 90 C and dripped onto the cigarette using a pipette; the cigarette itself was kept warm using a small hairdryer and allowed to dry after each drop. When crystals became visible on the outer surface, the ciggie was allowed to dry thoroughly and carefully brushed to remove the evidence before placing it in a packet.   

       Never again did the offender casually help himself to someone else's cigarettes.
8th of 7, Dec 02 2019
  

       I don't remember saying this wouldn't be dangerous, I said it would be funny.   

       Back in the day they used to have exploding cigarettes. This is slightly kinder and less funny.
doctorremulac3, Dec 02 2019
  

       Just checking to see if you can still buy those exploding cigarette loads. I was delighted to see that you still can. I was even more delighted to read this review from a satisfied customer:   

       "I thought it would be a fun way to help my husband quit smoking, let me tell you, these things explode!! As i was laughing my arse off, my husband was complaining of a flash burn to his eyes. next time i’ll tell him to wear safety glasses when i plant one in his pack. I still crack up when i think about it."
doctorremulac3, Dec 02 2019
  
      
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