Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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Kissing Face Saver

  (+6, -3)
(+6, -3)
  [vote for,

A soft padded ring which slips over and encircles your face. Use when kissing someone who has much bigger lips/mouth than yours, eliminating the risk of your face being swallowed.
Helium, Oct 06 2002

(?) Sir Walter Raleigh http://www.geocitie...9194/raleighmin.jpg
Kissed the wrong lady [thumbwax, Oct 06 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

to make perfect kisses with a horse http://www.halfbake...om/idea/mucus_20vac
[rabbit, Oct 08 2002]

(?) Aw, man! http://www.peculiar.../gurning%20face.jpg
Should have brought my kissing ring! [DrCurry, Oct 08 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

(?) It's not hippo, it's rhino http://www.national...ts/assets/rhino.jpg
Yes, those are panties [thumbwax, Oct 10 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       Presumably you'll sign up Mick Jagger for the ad campaign?
madradish, Oct 06 2002

       It's good the penile ring has been invented.
FarmerJohn, Oct 06 2002

       These were popular in Elizabethan times. Didn't save Walter Raleigh's face though, which left him when his head did.
General Washington, Oct 06 2002

       My mama taught me, if you don't want to kiss, light up a cigarette.
rabbit, Oct 06 2002

       If I pull up my trouser pockets, it looks like a pair of rabbit ears. I said nothing about a carrot.
thumbwax, Oct 06 2002

       I dunno. Has *anyone* ever actually had this problem?
DrCurry, Oct 06 2002

       Just how much bigger we looking at [Helium], and whatcha doing kissing that hippo anyway?
blissmiss, Oct 06 2002

       [bliss] Hippo lips tend to be a tad leathery - which is why I prefer the gentle, quivering lips a horse. The blowing of warm breath down the neck, the inquisitive nosing in my hair, nothing beats a full, sensual pair of horse lips. Slimey green gooblies across my shoulder really are a small price to pay.
Helium, Oct 06 2002

       I worry that this idea was inspired by a true-to-life experience.
BinaryCookies, Oct 06 2002

       you have told us nothing - as per usual - you Helium person. tell all now.
po, Oct 06 2002

       Woops...I did the old "delete it before anyone sees it but po was too quick" thing.
Helium, Oct 06 2002

       Place wheelrim on head 'clang' repeat,'clang',repeat.
skinflaps, Oct 07 2002

       {I was hoping for: a "Dune" style shield that pops into place when your too-much-perfume aunt tries to kiss you.}
waugsqueke, Oct 08 2002

       Dune style wheelrim.
skinflaps, Oct 08 2002

       po: Helium's all but said that it was/is a horse whose kiss she desires, but for the fear of being swallowed. Helium, don't worry, a horse cannot swallow you. It cannot even swallow an itty bitty bunny rabbit like me. Horses are vegetarians. However, when a horse bites, it can take out a big chunk. For that reason, I would think very carefully before engaging in mouth-to-mouth activity with a horse.
rabbit, Oct 08 2002

       [hare lips]   

       //po: Helium's all but said that it was/is a horse whose kiss she desires//   

       po is very perceptive   

       //Horses are vegetarians//   

       Tell that to the horse I had that ate BBQed sausages.
Helium, Oct 08 2002

       That is one kinky horse, is all I can say. I hope it's not the one you're dreaming of.
rabbit, Oct 08 2002

       I suppose one good thing about kissing men is that they don't snort snot all over you at random.
Helium, Oct 08 2002

       I think all you need is one of those mucus-vacs (see link) size superlarge. Apply to your sweety, prior to kissing. Or you could try me ...... >!!<
rabbit, Oct 08 2002

       I think that'd be a fewony, wittwe wabbit.
thumbwax, Oct 08 2002

       How so? Is it a felony to kiss a rabbit?
rabbit, Oct 08 2002

       (Waugsqueke) From memory, the Dune shield exhibited custard-like tendencies, in that it deflected fast moving objects but was penetrated by slow moving ones. Hence it would be ineffective against the slow eyes-closed-lips-extended advance of a perfumed aunt. If instead Helium's device can be whipped into place at the last second, it would maybe serve as an adequate defence. Croissant.
egbert, Oct 08 2002

       Ah, this explains everything!. For years women have been telling me to put a bag over my head. Now I know why.
DrBob, Oct 08 2002

       Tip: If you crinkle the bag up, it makes you look older
thumbwax, Oct 08 2002

       You know this how?
blissmiss, Oct 08 2002

       The double blind, paper bag theory of dating?
blissmiss, Oct 08 2002

       It's all the rage down our way, bliss.
DrBob, Oct 08 2002

       thats the second time today that I have looked for that little emoticon - you know the one with the grinning face and the hand over the mouth.
po, Oct 08 2002

       //Or you could try me //   

       Last time I kissed a rabbit it peed on me.
Helium, Oct 09 2002

       You're not having much luck with animals, are you?
rabbit, Oct 09 2002

       Rabbits' hairy lips make them less desirable kissers, although still more desirable than John Oates. I prefer hamsters or voles.   

       Ummm, I personally believe that a head-in-mouth, uvula-to-the-lips kiss is the best kind. And the rarest, methinks, as only a few splendid individuals are blessed with the gift of head-swallowing.   

       I am having a difficult time picturing the mechanics of this device. Would it be like a jumbo-sized Elizabethan collar type thing to stop your partner's lips from moving over your hairline?   

       Which makes me wonder if a similar device might not be employed for victims of hoof-in-mouth disease.
polartomato, Oct 09 2002

       Rabbits lips are no more hairy than those of hamsters or voles! Don't you dare slander rabbits!! Would you kiss a hamster? Bleccch. Rabbits have both personality and sweet soft mouths. Our downy fur enhances our appeal.
rabbit, Oct 09 2002

       MmmmmmMmm.. rabbit..   

       <licks lips and thinks of bunny burgers..>
yamahito, Oct 09 2002

       It's small game season here, too. <blam! blam!>
Mr Burns, Oct 09 2002

       [THUMB] Oh my god. eeewwwwwwwwwwwww
blissmiss, Oct 10 2002


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