h a l f b a k e r y
"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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Start with the biggest ostrich feather you can find. The advantage of ostrich (over, say, peacock) is that the ostrich feather curls over at the end enough to conceal one or two rubber mallet-heads from a casual glance.
To forestall catastrophic failure of the calamus, draw from your collection
the lightest and springiest of all those aerospace-grade carbon fibre fishing rods that you never use anyway, and butcher it on a worktop.
Bond the rubber mallet-head to the length of springy rod.
Bond the length of springy rod to the inner curve of that big ostrich feather, so that the fringe at the end covers the rubber.
Keep it casually to hand until someone says "Well, knock me down with a feather!", then do so.
(?) May I have that, Madame?
No, just the feather, thank you. [pertinax, Oct 02 2009]
Rod with mullet-head
[pertinax, Oct 02 2009]
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||I thought of that, but what we're after here is a pantomime prat-fall, not hospitalisation. I fully expect [8th] to customise his by embedding glass shards in the rubber, but I'm not going to give him any encouragement.
||Why a rubber mallet-head? Steel sounds more effective to me...
||Obviously it's very important to aim squarely for the chin.
||... or maybe the occipital bone. That might work.
||same thing could be applied to "...wet noodle!" as well, although it would need to be a very large noodle.
||What happened to the bloke who was with her on the mattress at the time ?