Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Knock-Down Feather

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Start with the biggest ostrich feather you can find. The advantage of ostrich (over, say, peacock) is that the ostrich feather curls over at the end enough to conceal one or two rubber mallet-heads from a casual glance.

To forestall catastrophic failure of the calamus, draw from your collection the lightest and springiest of all those aerospace-grade carbon fibre fishing rods that you never use anyway, and butcher it on a worktop.

Bond the rubber mallet-head to the length of springy rod.

Bond the length of springy rod to the inner curve of that big ostrich feather, so that the fringe at the end covers the rubber.

Keep it casually to hand until someone says "Well, knock me down with a feather!", then do so.

pertinax, Oct 02 2009

(?) May I have that, Madame? http://www.burlesqu...lamourwhitefans.jpg
No, just the feather, thank you. [pertinax, Oct 02 2009]

Rod with mullet-head http://3.bp.blogspo..._Stewart_casual.jpg
[pertinax, Oct 02 2009]

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       I thought of that, but what we're after here is a pantomime prat-fall, not hospitalisation. I fully expect [8th] to customise his by embedding glass shards in the rubber, but I'm not going to give him any encouragement.
pertinax, Oct 02 2009
  

       Why a rubber mallet-head? Steel sounds more effective to me...
vincevincevince, Oct 02 2009
  

       Obviously it's very important to aim squarely for the chin.
pertinax, Oct 02 2009
  

       ... or maybe the occipital bone. That might work.
pertinax, Oct 02 2009
  

       There's the risk that the chain of events becomes a little too short and not quite convoluted enough to be entertaining - such as a feather that breaks an infrared beam which triggers the immediate descent of a sideways-oriented lorry carrying a grand piano, flattening the person saying "feath…" within 30ms as a sizeable trickle of blood emerges. Too effective and yet strangely not particularly amusing.
Ian Tindale, Oct 02 2009
  

       same thing could be applied to "...wet noodle!" as well, although it would need to be a very large noodle.
CaptainClapper, Oct 02 2009
  

       What happened to the bloke who was with her on the mattress at the time ?
8th of 7, Oct 02 2009
  
      
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