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Koala rehab

Getting koalas off the green and reintroducing them to society.
 
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One of the things that sets humans apart from other animals aside from our intelligence is our opposable thumbs that give us our dexterity. Koalas have not one thumb but two thumbs. The advantage of having two thumbs is that it helps them hold onto branches in the trees where they live. which is just as well because their food, gum leaves, are highly toxic and they damn well need to hold on because they are so stoned most of the time that if they only had one thumb they wouldn't even be able to stay up in the trees long enough for a tourist to take a picture of them. Koalas could be highly intelligent, but since they sleep about 80% of their lives there is no way of finding out. A gum leaf substitute is in order, maybe a particular species of gum that has had its toxicity reduced but is still palatable for the picky koalas. I suggest that once Koalas are straightened out they are put to work in sweat shops, with their two thumbs they should be able to do twice as much work as humans, they would also be great at writing txt messages.
Gulherme, Apr 06 2004

More Koala "Facts" http://www.giftlog....ures/koala_fact.htm
[saker, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

[link]






       Feeding them something more nutritious will only end up turning them into giants. So unless you want a replacement for the giant panda or maybe Michael Jordan, please leave well alone.
DrCurry, Apr 06 2004
  

       koalaboratories?   

       koalabour?   

       leave 'em alone.
jonthegeologist, Apr 06 2004
  

       Hmm giant super txt messaging koalas, surely they will be the end of us all.
Gulherme, Apr 06 2004
  

       How'd this get four buns?
yabba do yabba dabba, Apr 06 2004
  

       where would they live? Koala-lampur?
eyeguy, Apr 06 2004
  

       I could have swore the title said Koala Kebab   

       It must be lunchtime already..
Mr Burns, Apr 06 2004
  

       mccheesekoala with fries mmmmm
po, Apr 06 2004
  

       Is there a gum leaf patch?
GenYus, Apr 06 2004
  

       would that make their offspring Gum Patch Kids?
eyeguy, Apr 06 2004
  

       //One of the things that sets humans apart from other animals aside from our intelligence // Is that praise or insult?
kbecker, Apr 06 2004
  

       //...and reintroducing them to society"//   

       REintroducing them? So you mean, they used to be among us, but decided to move to a greener, healthier environment instead of our polluted, overpopulated, corrupted cities to sleep 80% of their lives? I guess that's what sets them apart from us. They are way smarter
Pericles, Apr 06 2004
  

       They have been waiting, dormant, untill the day every man woman and child has a mobile phone, then they shall awake and begin their plan to take over the world via txt message, one phone at a time.
Gulherme, Apr 07 2004
  

       [Pericles] has a great point - why do we want to get them back into our society - why cant we just climb the trees and start sleeping? Great hb idea - extra thumbs for humans
miasere, Apr 07 2004
  

       According to the <link>, "Eucalyptus foliage is very fibrous and low in nutrition, and to most animals are extremely poisonous. Koalas are not drugged out on gum leaves. Koala's digestive system is especially adapted to detoxify the poisonous chemicals in the leaves."   

       So, like [jonthegeologist] said, leave 'em alone. We're already killing them and their habitat.
saker, Apr 07 2004
  

       I think i read it too fast. Thought it said "KOALA KEBAB".   

       Do Koalas taste like Eucalyptus also?
windmill, Apr 07 2004
  

       uhhhh... if they've been eating gum leaves for thousands of years, and have managed to make it this far, why do we feel the need to change that?
spacecadet, Apr 07 2004
  

       last time I was in Aussie, my pals said that those "adorable" little Koalas all stunk like hell, (as a result of their diet). Furthermore, if scared, their nice little claws can harm a person. blueswag
blueswag, Jul 21 2004
  

       Sort of koala de-tox centre eh?
tasman, Jul 21 2004
  
      
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