Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Lamprey-Tissue Organ Enhancement

Enlarge penis and give it a (tiny) mind of its own
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With breast enlargements back on the Recent list (6/15/01), some of us guys may feel a little left out. After all, why should women have these hot technologies for body alteration whilst men slouch about with rolled-up socks stuffed in the front of their slacks? News flash: lamprey brains have been used to create primitive cyborgs, and lampreys themselves are about as penile in shape as you can get. Perfect! Now not only can you be hung like some sort of wild anadromous studmuffin, the organ will be able to wriggle about and swim upstream under its own power. (And talk about lubricious!) But remember, the creator of this idea will not be held responsible when you are overcome by the desire to clutch a live salmon to your crotch at mealtimes.

[This is the worst idea I have ever posted. I am so proud.]

Dog Ed, Jun 15 2001

Naked lamprey http://www.glfc.org/slft/lamprey.gif
Full-body pic. Woo-woo! [Dog Ed, Jun 15 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Mealtime http://www.glfc.org/slft/rainbow.gif
This big guy prefers trout. [Dog Ed, Jun 15 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]

(?) Turn your Winky into a Blinky. http://www.penis-en...nt.com/phallo2.html
Warning. Closeups of male naughty bits. With morphing movies. [StarChaser, Jun 15 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       Rods Tiger: Well, maybe a guy's gotta choose between length and feeling. (How sensitive are those silicon breast implants, eh?)   

       Mephista: Heigh-ho, she's in Seattle for the weekend and I'm not.
Dog Ed, Jun 16 2001

       I admit to not knowing how a penis works, in the sense that I don't know what the biological difference is between normal tissue and erectile tissue. However, my principle for breast enlargements holds here: the principle of using tissue from one place and shoving it somewhere else you'd rather have it. Why not take fat from round your waist and 'move' it to your penis. That would make life more interesting for all of us. wibni.
lewisgirl, Jun 16 2001

       Penis weenis. Everyone would want this installed for better absorption and fewer spills. Waste not, want not.
reensure, Jun 16 2001

       lewisgirl: Yes, I'm afraid this is thoroughly satirical, whilst Breast Enlargement is quite serious. (Isn't there an escape clause on the 'about' page allowing satire?) And I fudged with the bit about no technology for fellows; there are all sorts of high-tech implants for this purpose. Personally, just reading them makes me cringe. As long as I've my tweezers and magnifying glass I'll stick with what I've got.
Dog Ed, Jun 16 2001

       Lewisgirl, actually that's been done. Problem is that the fat gets reabsorbed. <net.rummage> Here we go. See the link...<grins at thumbnail before/after pictures labeled 'Click to enlarge'>
StarChaser, Jun 17 2001

       all this talk of enhancement, and increased libido. pills tools, supplements, etc. When will we address the Real problem, finding a willing place to put it. Can't they dump something in the water supply to increase female libido? The equipment most of us have works just fine (I can't be a minority here could I?)
marymalibu, Feb 05 2003

       Doctor Frankenstein and I got kind of worried about where this thread was going when mention of implanting lamprey brains surfaced. Surely DE didn't mean giving the little lifehose of love a brain of its own... But... now that the subject is on the operating table, and since sex is kinda mental anyway, how about simply adding a lamprey brain to the neuro-genital connections, sort of as a pre-amp for the penile's neural sensorium? Oh, I guess you could probably park one out back by the belly-button if the ganglia twarn't too large: There's a confluence of veins and arteries there doing nothing special, as I recall. They threw eggs at me at the Academy. Eggs!
cloudface, Sep 01 2003

       When you unzip your fly   

       it has jaws open wide   

       that's a Moray
wombat, Sep 02 2003

       oo then the wang'd be green!
benlevi7, Sep 03 2003


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