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Lifeless Limericks

Keep excitement out of poetry
  (+51, -4)(+51, -4)(+51, -4)
(+51, -4)
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Years ago, when I was a student, I saw a band performing. I cannot remember the name (the band enjoyed little success) but their distinguishing characteristic was that, between numbers, the singer would recite a Lifeless Limerick to the audience. Here is an example:

There once was a person called Trevor
Who was neither stupid nor clever.
Of average physique,
Not too strong, nor too weak,
Quite nondescript altogether.

This sublime form deserves better than the obscurity in which it has languished for so many years. Unfortunately, the above is the only example I can quote in its entirety, although I seem to remember that another concerned `a person who lived in a place', and a third `a fellow named Piers'.

Mickey the Fish, Sep 08 2000

Limerick rules http://www.sfu.ca/~finley/discussion.html
With all the talk of pedantry on this site, I'm surprised no one has pointed out that many of you have not written true limericks. Limericks have a prescribed rhythm as well as rhyme scheme. [dana_renay, Sep 08 2000, last modified Oct 06 2004]

I sense much fear in you. Or much something. http://www.halfbake.../idea/Yoda_20Poetry
[bungston, Oct 04 2004]

Generic Limericks http://www.stevewhi...ericLiterature.html
scroll down a bit. [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]

[link]






       James lived in an average-sized city
He was not dull, yet nor was he witty
He had a brown cat
which was a bit fat
And I think his cat's name was "Kitty"
hippo, Sep 08 2000
  

       After wracking my brains, I have remebered another of the pieces:   

       A person who lived in a place
Had a body which occupied space.
He lived, it appears
For a number of years,
And belonged to the human race.
Mickey the Fish, Sep 11 2000
  

       I didn't concoct this, but:   

       There once was a man from Fort Worth
Who was born on the day of his birth.
He was married, some say,
On his wife's wedding day
And he died when he quitted the earth.
centauri, Sep 11 2000
  

       There was an old fellow named Piers,
Who lived for a great many years.
He'd eyes and a nose,
Ten fingers and toes,
A chin and a couple of ears.
Mickey the Fish, Sep 12 2000
  

       I know of a thing called the 'Net
Addictive as heck? You bet!
As you scroll down and see
A limerick or three
A glaze o'er your eyes you'll get.
PotatoStew, Sep 14 2000
  

       There was once this thing that just was
When asked Why? It replied ‘Just Because.’
Then one day it was gone
But not before long
It returned, just as things like this does
blahginger, Sep 14 2000
  

       A limericist of our time
Chose to eschew the obvious rhyme.
"If the listeners know
Where my poem will go,"
He said, "they won't think it's substantial."
  

       (This fellow was the master of ceremonies at several local poetry readings, earning him the moniker "Emcee Eschewer." He was constantly getting bent out of shape, but nobody could figure out exactly why.)
bookworm, Sep 14 2000
  

       There once was a man of a particular nation,
who rhymed with some hesitation.
Not very obscure,
nor particularly pure
- as he tried to eschew obfuscation.
  

       Thats a little less lively...
Scott_D, Sep 14 2000
  

       There's a Half Baked web site on the net
That'll have me in stitches yet
Some ideas are so bad
That I'm just very glad
That my four are all I'll ever get.
  

       (By the way Mickey The Fish, just WHEN were you a student?)
Alcin, Sep 14 2000, last modified Sep 15 2000
  

       Here's some more on this Half Baked web site
That keeps me up until late at night
Some real wacko ideas
Have me nearly in tears
While others I find are just right.
  

       *** The End *** ...I promise (he thinks he's a wit)...(he's half right).
Alcin, Sep 14 2000, last modified Sep 15 2000
  

       "Muchos Gracious, Seniorita" he said
As he sleepily went off to bed
If I don't take a nap
I will spout too much crap
And my hair will fall out of my head.
  

       (OK so I lied)
Alcin, Sep 15 2000
  

       Was the band 'Soft Machine'? They were brilliant at repetition: "We did it again!", after they repeated a sequence during 'Moon in June'. Onward, [Ahem]:
With no muscle
One cannot hustle
Nay, instead
lay in bed
On a pustule
thumbwax, Sep 17 2000
  

       Recreational linguistics, is a worthwhile hobby in its own right, being one of mine. For example I’ve got three huge volumes of “light verse” I’ve composed, which the ‘bakery will never see because it’s not, according to my short and joyful acquaintance with it, the place for verbal gymnastics. There are many other specialist sites devoted to recreational linguistics, from anagrams to univocalics, including among scores of other pattern-verse forms, the limerick, “clean or obscene”.
rayfo, Sep 18 2000
  

       I have been negligent of my duties. Henceforth, I will delete any material which is not either a LIFELESS limerick, or a comment on the subject. However, I will leave in Jutta's admin limerick, ad Alcin's response, as they are so delightful.
Mickey the Fish, Sep 18 2000
  

       How about a lifeless Haiku? (written by a friend)   

       1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 12
I skipped 11
blahginger, Sep 19 2000
  

       Yes.. they're admissable, I suppose.
Mickey the Fish, Sep 20 2000
  

       This nearly dropped off of the list
While I write I am horribly drunk
So by adding this in
While I sip on my gin
Lifeless Limericks will not be forgotten
Alcin, Oct 04 2000
  

       There is a young woman from Bewdly
Who never behaves at all lewdly.
She embodies restraint
And will bring a complaint
If you e'er try to speak to her crudely.
  

       This young girl felt in a rut.
She had little to speak of, but
when she talked she did speak
when she tired she was weak.
This much she felt in her gut.
  

       She once knew a colour called "Grey"
And when she did care to she may
have bethought it to mull
Over things which were dull
When she wished to pass out where she lay.
  

       She once went to an event
Which first did come but then 'way went
(there was no confusion
no brawl, no contusions
and all was heard as it was meant).
  

       A poem should move and should thrill
But none of the verses here will
They are quite out of fashion,
suck out vim and hot passion
like a blue whale vacuums krill.
Monkfish, Dec 09 2000, last modified Dec 11 2000
  

       More trivia: You can't argue with Quantity.   

       There is a descriptor called "Dull"
which appellates many a lull.
Not a joy or a pain,
not a loss nor a gain,
But a moment set equal to Null.
  

       The state known as Medio-crity
is a flat one and not very pretty,
but so large it contains
even Net poets' strains,
which they had thought virtually witty.
  

       I will now retire. Honestly.
Monkfish, Jan 02 2001
  

       there was a young woman from eeling, who got a perculiar feeling, she lay on her back, and opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling,   

         

       i apologise for lowering the tone and hereby swear not to do it again.   

       ps. i know that is not lifeless but yaknow...
panthaz paradise, Apr 02 2001
  

       Tho' rhymes which are base or obscene
Are oft' seen as rude, crude, or mean,
On this site here, where entries
Don't pass "moral sentries,"
A bit more schmutz won't kill the scene.
Urania, Apr 03 2001
  

       Your limm'ricks are lively, you cheat,
They're supposed to be lifeless, discrete.
When Mickey comes by
And your words he does spy
With a click of the mouse he'll delete.
PotatoStew, Apr 03 2001
  

       There once was a captain, now gone   

       Someone set up him the bomb   

       After losing his base   

       To a half-hidden face   

       We've immortalized him in a song   

       [Hey it doesn't quite rhyme, but I tried].
Wes, Apr 03 2001
  

       A couple of contributions from a newby:   

       There was an old woman from Thrace
who lived all her life in one place.
She looked at the town
but she never went down.
And those are the facts of her case.
  

       There was a pianist named Dougherty
who played on a piano-forte.
He played on and on,
made the audience yawn,
and died when he was about forty.
Dog Ed, Apr 16 2001
  

       Old Henry once told me "Young man-" "When sunned, you just might get tan." "And you might get hot." "You may like it not;" "So cool yourself off if you can."   

       There was a man who got fired. He found that he was quite tired. So he went to bed, Pillow under head. He woke up later -- Still tired! (only less so)
ZiZiDic, Aug 07 2001
  

       Though stuck
where you stand
you look
over yonder
from the muck
of quicksand
but can't wander
thumbwax, Aug 08 2001
  

       stand
over yonder
in the muck
of quicksand
you can't wander
you're stuck
thumbwax, Aug 08 2001
  

       While scrolling thru HB this night,
I found a flaw in my eye-sight!
All faded to black
As my jaw became slack
And I slumped gently o'er to the right...
  

       When waking up later, I found
As remedies go, it proved sound
My insomniac's nights
These rhymes put aright--
My sleep cycle's on the rebound!
Urania, Sep 29 2001
  

       There was a young man from Dublin,
Whose limericks didn't rhyme,
They didn't scan, either,
And they never had enough lines.....
afroman, Nov 01 2001
  

       My English prof said, 'write a poem.'
So then I figured I'd show'im.
Thought I had licked
This limerick,
But what the heck rhymes with 'poem?'
RayfordSteele, Dec 31 2001
  

       can think of a few, try millennium doem
po, Dec 31 2001
  

       I thought I'd try this too,
But avoid words like "eschew,"
Instead use simple words,
Like "tree," "spark" and "birds,"
And end with something fancy, like "canoe."
bristolz, Dec 31 2001
  

       No one around
Not a sound
No sight
No day or night
Beneath the ground
thumbwax, Jan 01 2002
  

       I came back and the first thing I saw,
you've been fighting a limerick war,
so much talent I see,
made me chortle with glee,
H.B.'s one site I just can't ignore
  

       By gad I think it's working!
Happy New Year everyone. (and ta chaps)
Alcin, Jan 01 2002
  

       Left lane ends. Divided highway.
Stop. Slow. Yield right-of-way.
Speed limit 55. Exit 85.
Do not enter. No outlet. One way.
entremanure, Jan 02 2002
  

       entremanure: I don't think she's going to like being called "Mr Jutta Admin Guy". You could have a shot at sending her email, or just read the help page.   

       To insert line-breaks, you type < br > only without spaces, the same way as you would in HTML.
Like this, see?
cp, Jan 02 2002
  

       Great! Thanks--I'll give it a try.
entremanure, Jan 02 2002
  

       Hey thanks, Pete.
I was wondering how to do that here...
RayfordSteele, Jan 07 2002
  

       Dirty limerick (not lifeless) written by my mother 40-some years ago and taught to me as a child for a vocabulary lesson:

There once was a whore from Eau Claire
Whose condition was quite rare
Tho it was proported
Her hymen, she still sported
'Twas her uvula that showed the wear.
quarterbaker, Jan 07 2002
  

       I once met someone in L.A.,
Or could it have been in Bombay?
Not sure of the place,
Can't recall his/her face,
And the name, I'll remember some day.
FarmerJohn, Feb 28 2002
  

       When you discover a loo,
This is not all that much to do.
You can sit just to think,
You can wash in the sink
Or you could do a number two.
Aristotle, Feb 28 2002
  

       There once was a woman of Crewe
whose limericks stopped at line two.
supercat, Mar 02 2002
  

       There once was a man from Verdunn.
supercat, Mar 02 2002
  

       If this limerick puts you to sleep
I would hope that it isn't too deep.
. . For where would we be
. . If the half-bakery
were a substitute for counting sheep?
supercat, Mar 02 2002
  

       A mathemetitican named Drenth
in month n would go forth on the nth.
. . His date the next month
. . was thus the n-plus-oneth.
In October he went out the tenth.
supercat, Mar 02 2002
  

       There once was an employee named Bob
Who was depressed when he lost his job.
He said 'what's the use
Of removing refuse?'
And he slowly turned into a slob.
RayfordSteele, Apr 06 2002
  

       'Twas dull
and null,
so dumb
was numb-
-skull
thumbwax, Apr 08 2002
  

       Ever since the big bang went kaboom,
There has been more and more elbow room.
Like a big rubber band,
We continue to expand,
Till we finish our days as vacuum.
FarmerJohn, Apr 08 2002
  

       There was a young lady from Loughborough,
Owned a sow which was a great truffler.
Said the girl to the pig
"You sniff, and I'll dig,
And in Winter, I must wear my muffler".
sappho, Apr 09 2002
  

       Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme Some don't
ty6, Oct 07 2002
  

       This would be line number one.
Now you'll see line two is done.
Go on to line three.
Line four's here, you see.
Line five means that this poem's done.
ton80, Oct 07 2002
  

       He didn't have the heart.
Right from the start.
So he stopped.
sufc, Mar 28 2003
  

       This limerick will take the word word
And rhyme it with that same word word.
If the very last word
Is not some other word
I am sure that you all wish it were
bungston, Mar 28 2003
  

       There was an old man of St. Bees
who was stung on the arm by a wasp
when asked "does it hurt?"
he replied "no it doesn't,
I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet!"
jpk, Mar 28 2003
  

       There once was a girl from Boclair
Whose head was surmounted with hair
Her face was quite plain
Her body the same
And her beard? Well it just wasn't there.
my face your, Mar 28 2003
  

      
Its an ugly door painted orange.
Its got rust on a door hinge.
Not a nice shade
I hoped it would fade.
But now it just makes me cringe.
sufc, Mar 28 2003
  

       (my face your)Thanks
sufc, Mar 28 2003
  

       88 + 5 - 18
- 25 - 14
- 11
+ 12 + 7
- 28 = 16
FarmerJohn, Apr 08 2003
  

       Sit there
without a care
or emotion
make no motion
anywhere
thumbwax, Apr 08 2003
  

       Who what when where which why?
These there that this then I.
Her you me,
He it we,
Sleep wake work play live die.
FarmerJohn, Apr 08 2003
  

       FarmerJohn: Cute, but the meter is faulty. Perhaps:   

       Eighty-eight plus five minus eighteen
Minus twenty-five minus fourteen
plus six and eleven
and fourteen and seven
minus fifty-eight, equals sixteen
supercat, Apr 08 2003
  

       He could never see his feet, He'd had to much to eat, He couldn't sit down, He couldn't touch the ground, Just stood and ate more meat.
iain, Apr 08 2003
  

       This is the first line of the limerick.
This is the second line of the limerick.
This is the third,
This is the fourth,
And this is the last line of the limerick.
waugsqueke, Apr 08 2003
  

       I see what you did ther, rhyming limerick with limerick, and the third with forth. Cos they rhyme really well together. Third and Forth. Limerick. Yeah.   

       no
miasere, Apr 08 2003
  

       there once was a man from the sticks
who liked to compose limericks
but he failed at the sport
'cause he wrote them too short.
  

       that's one i heard a while back. here's one i've written for the occasion.   

       a collection of limericks mundane
were compiled within this domain
all of this verse
while seeming diverse
was nonetheless equally plain
urbanmatador, Apr 09 2003
  

       In a state of coma
without aroma
there's no smell
May as well
be in Oklahoma


(Trust me, The State of Oklahoma is as lifeless as it gets)
thumbwax, Apr 09 2003
  

       This one isn't lifeless, and was written onff the cuff by an irishman in his 90s...at my cousin's wedding.   

       There was a young lady from Gloucester, Who's parents thought that they'd lost her, Til they found in the grass, The mark of her ass, And the Knees of the fellah that "flossed" her,   

       He has a head for limerick's , but he's from Cork!
NedRyarson, Apr 09 2003
  

       Well, there's the classic:   

       | There once was a woman from Crewe
| Whose limericks stopped at line two.
  

       and the follow-on two it:   

       | There once was a man from Verdun.
supercat, Apr 09 2003
  

       Sorry, just had to have a go!   

       There was a young lady from Harrow,
who while walking tripped over a sparrow,
She shouted "Oh Fuck",
as she landed in Muck,
Piled up in a large wheel-barrow.
  

       Why thankyou, your too kind.....(Bows)...(Exits Stage left)
silverstormer, Apr 09 2003
  

       I once met a man,
Japanese. A limerick,
He wrote with ease, but,
  

       When it was done, he
Did not want one, but double,
Haiku poems, these.
FarmerJohn, Apr 09 2003
  

       *One vote for FarmerJohn as the Special Halfbakery Haiku Envoy to the UN.
RayfordSteele, Apr 09 2003
  

       There once was a guy who wrote verse
So dull it would cause you to curse
After you woke
From the nap it invoked
And found yourself flat in a hearse
ato_de, Apr 10 2003
  

       There once was this fellow I knew/ His house it was white, his car blue/ Had a wife ,her name Jane/ His hair brown, his face plain/ One cat, and a dog, children, two
pablopk, May 31 2003
  

       There was a young woman from Bude   

       who went for a swim in a pond   

       A man in a punt   

       Stuck his pole in the water   

       And said, "you can't swim here, its private!".
briandamage, Jun 01 2003
  

       (re: big bang went kaboom)
Farmer John has lim'rickal brawn
and science to carry him on
but what of the yin
yang's mystical twin
like night returning to dawn
SteveDegoof-Billy Joel reference: I never knew that! perhaps It changes the song forever. Do all English speakers save 'muricans fashion themselves poets?
Zimmy, Jun 01 2003
  

       The undead hold no life of their own,
Mere puppets; sinew, rot and bone.
Souls crushed, and wills bent,
To masters enslavement.
You are now entering, The Twilight Zone.
  

       Oh, you meant lifeless.   

       There was a young bard from Japan Whose limericks never did scan When people said so He replied, 'yes, i know' It's just that i try to fit as many syllables into the last line as i possibly can.
modular, Sep 06 2003
  

       v good [modular] use < br > without the spaces for line breaks, for better effect.
po, Sep 06 2003
  

       [modular], to elaborate on [po]'s comment...
The following line typed in an annotation:
This<br>is<br>a<br>test.
  

       Renders as:
This
is
a
test.
half, Sep 06 2003
  

       [br]avo
po, Sep 06 2003
  

       Just trying to help.
Do you mean <br>avo?
half, Sep 06 2003
  

       well done, 1/2. night, night.
po, Sep 06 2003
  

       Nighty night, [po].
half, Sep 06 2003
  

       Even better [modular] is if you write an original limerick, yourself.
Sweet dreams [po].
Sleep tight [half].
FarmerJohn, Sep 06 2003
  

       There once was a real stupid thief
Whose ventures were incredibly brief
He stole make-up bags
Rearview mirrors and fags (cigarettes)
And even a gold-painted leaf
flamingcrackmonkey, Oct 14 2003
  

       I'll try a literal interpretation:   

       There once was an odorous stiff
Who walked with a naked midriff
This decadent zombie
Preferred Abercrombie
They buried him, to our relief
theircompetitor, Jan 11 2004
  

       [FarmerJohn] "Who what when where why?"   

       I guess that just about sums it up.

Elmer Phd, Jul 22 2004
  

       Likewise Mr 'Bubba 'tis true
Whatever you attempt to do
Your verses must scan
As best as they can
But that's just my personal view.
zen_tom, Jul 27 2006
  

       After picking at lint on my knee
I went to the window to see
If something outside
Could maybe provide
A sight to curtail my ennui
  

       A man on the bus I did meet
Who paid and then went to a seat
Sat and waited a while
In his place next the aisle
And got off went the bus reached his street
  

       I get paid for the job that I do
Spend the money on things and food too
Like bread, milk and ham
Tea, potatoes and jam
At the shop, where I wait in a queue
  

       Some days (and today would apply)
All efforts at thought go awry
With unfocused gaze
You slip into a daze
And slide off your chair with a sigh
  

       I just had a thought which ran so..
Or did it? It's tricky to know
I thought that, no, wait
Damn, now its too late
It's gone, I was just much too slow
squeak, Jul 27 2006
  

       rcarty, you prosaic hack
For limericks you haven't the knack
Before slandering 'Bubba
Try to rhyme and not slobber
And then we might cut you some slack
theircompetitor, Jul 27 2006
  

       I read it all here
and now I do fear
they’re stuck in my head
till I lay down to bed
which isn’t anywhere near
xandram, Jul 27 2006
  

       I had to bun this one simply because the non-thought provoking ones were really funny!
Jscotty, Jul 27 2006
  

       To have a fair fight, I'm afraid
You'd need more than one to your aid
But it's always in jest
jutta's patience we test
making lemons, and not lemonade.
theircompetitor, Jul 27 2006
  

       To have a fair fight, it is true
[rcarty] should need more than two,
yet I do not fret
it would be my bet
he's tougher than that boy named Sue.
methinksnot, Jul 27 2006
  

       Many heroes had tried but could not
Alexander did cut through the knot
Though his style did us dazzle
He did not solve the puzzle
So to call him the great? me thinks not
theircompetitor, Jul 27 2006
  

       This is the first limerick I’ve written
And I must admit I’m quite smitten
The form is quite nice
And rhyming’s my vice
The limerick bug has just bitten
  

       This is only my second limerick
I may just have gotten the trick
I better watch out
While churning them out
Or my boss may just give me the flick
  

       You bastards you’ve ruined my life
These limericks are causing much strife
They’re taking up time
To find the right rhyme
And all I can think of is Knife.
[.. and rife]
  

       My friend you have well earned your bun
I regret I can give only one
It’s a croissant you see
I bequeath it to thee
And now I really must run.
Custardguts, Jul 27 2006
  

       This Australian, pedantic, recluse
is known for getting amused
by grammar or spelling or metric
and get angry or arsey or septic
to get his fellow halfbakers confused
methinksnot, Jul 28 2006
  

       Halfbakery's the site that they went   

       With ideas both doughy and bent   

       The idea might be baked   

       The idea might be faked   

       And only a whit of money is sent.
Corona, Jul 29 2006
  

       so I'm reading thru all these great limerhacks
and here comes this fellow named thumbwax.
He refuses each time,
to use meter or rhyme.
So lets throw him out on his dumb ax.
dentworth, Jul 29 2006
  

       My banter offends [UnaBubba]. How can this be true?
Will he now beat me, defenestrate me or sue?
To you, oh poetry and lyrics Don
I would just say "bring it on"
I've been beaten by men who were weaker than you.
methinksnot, Jul 29 2006
  

       Ooh, there's gonna be a big fight
I'm quite all a quiver with fright
They'll sharpen their words
And ready their prose
God, please let no one die tonight
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 29 2006
  

       "Damn!" I say, "They're all so good.
Better lim'ricks than I ever could
Write e'en if I tried,
Until I near died.
But, if so, I don't know why I should."
  

       Oh, wait you want a lifeless one:   

       1 2 3 4 5 6 6 7
1 3 5 7 9 10 11
10 8 6 4 2
13 22
14 111
  

       Please don't delete me!   

       There once was a man, Mr Blane,
Who shouted again and again,
And again and again,
And again and again,
And again and again and again.
  

       This limerick has not one twist.
It's about something which exists.
It is there, I can tell,
By its terrible smell.
When it goes, it will not be miss't.
  

       The sky's now a nice shade of blue.
In fact, quite a singular hue.
Not a cloud in the sky,
There's a plane going by.
For the moment, it's over to you.
dbmag9, Jul 29 2006
  

       There was a lad   

       Whose father was a dad   

       He was no liar   

       Wrote no satire   

       And wasn't very bad.
Shadow Phoenix, Nov 25 2007
  

       Jaysus!   

       Dee dum deedee dum deedee dum
Dee dum deedee dum deedee dum
Dee dee diddle dee
Dee dee diddle dee
Dee dum deedee dum deedee dum
squeak, Nov 26 2007
  

       Whilst surfin' the bak'ry one day
I found several rhymsters at play
The proposal was "verse,
that's essentially terse,
and the content a beige shade or grey".
DrBob, Nov 26 2007
  

       There once was something somewhere
Most likely lonesome and bare
It went on and on
Until it was gone
And now, it's no longer there
nomocrow, Nov 26 2007
  

       limericks and poems can break my tones. but rhymes can never harm me.
pashute, Nov 27 2007
  

       Excellent, [Wes], heres my crappy contribution:   

       There once was a man from Hull
'twas as sentient as he was dull,
he buttered his bread,
till the day he was dead,
and that was his life in the full
Spacecoyote, Nov 27 2007
  

       On the writing of Limericks deadpan:
One postulates if one really can.
Call me a cheater,
But each step is the meter,
The whole journey described by the scan.
4whom, Nov 27 2007
  

       You might find this rock underground
Not square, but not really round
It won't ever freeze,
Stays about 10 degrees
And never makes any sound
TheLightsAreOnBut, Nov 27 2007
  

       There ain't a darn thing more dull
Than a poke of beans to cull
It's bean after bean
And all of them green
And once in a while a hull
nomocrow, Nov 27 2007
  

       An assignment which might be thought trivial,
From the 'Bakery is nought but convivial.
For such insipidity
Is further validity
Of half-baked pursuits that are drivial.
csea, Nov 27 2007
  

       Jesus H. Christ on a Sword,
I'm so incredibly bored!
I sit in my chair
I drool and I stare
With all the pep of cardboard
nomocrow, Nov 27 2007
  

      
My best friend used to be Stump;
The man was quite a useless lump;
He had little fun;
Could not run;
And spent his days reading Shonen Jump.
  

       (Yeah, it sounds like my polar opposite. Except for the last line. By the way, how do you keep these lines in poem form without adding spaces? I always end up with a straight line or these spaces.)
Shadow Phoenix, Nov 27 2007
  

       When you're writing a limerick, start
with the first line, and then the next part.
Two lines (like these here)
should be next to appear,
Then conclude with an ending that rhymes.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 27 2007
  

       In poetry, you might pick
To waste hours perfecting your wit
I'd rather, instead
Stay later in bed
And compose a Lifeless Limerick.
TheLightsAreOnBut, Nov 28 2007
  

       There once was a man from Nantucket
Who was woefully stung by a bee
When asked “Does it Hurt?”
He replied “No it doesn’t”
But I’m glad that it wasn’t a wasp
energy guy, Nov 28 2007
  

       This is going from bad to verse.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 28 2007
  

       In a moment or two you will see   

       Just how dull a limerick can be   

       With awkward scansion   

       And poor rhyme forced upon   

       The poor reader who I'm glad's not me.
Murdoch, Nov 28 2007
  

       There once was a lass from Pawtucket
who loved to watch paint dry, she dug it
for when she was done
she could turn to her hun
And tell him to stuff a stock up it.
blissmiss, Nov 28 2007
  

       there once was a tree in a wood
nobody cared where it stood,
and when it fell down,
it made not a sound,
but i know if it could that it would.
k_sra, Nov 28 2007
  

      
I'd like to spare a rhyme
And take a bit of time
To thank [MB]
And [Spacecoyote]
for helping me with these lines.
Shadow Phoenix, Nov 28 2007
  

       I'd never write limericks for fun - as an art-form they're much overdone. Few things are worse than this humorous verse - hands up, all those who gave this a bun.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 28 2007
  

       Roses are red; violets are blue.
Roses are red; violets are blue.
Violets are blue; roses are red.
Violets are blue; roses are red.
Roses are red; violets are blue.
notexactly, Jul 26 2016
  

       A limerick's properly lifeless
When death is perceived as a kindness
Upon reading it's words
Justice brings its rewards
'And the world becomes merciful blackness
theircompetitor, Jul 26 2016
  

       There once was a man with a task
To do what someone did ask.
His level of tedium
Was just about medium;
And he took a swig from his flask.
lurch, Jul 26 2016
  

       The Owl and the Cat went to sea
In a boat the colour of pea
They took some honey
And plenty of money
In a note from the Bank of GB.
  

       Up to the stars looked the Owl
And sang with a terrible howl:
"Oh Pussy my Love
We fit like a glove
But where the hell is my towel?"
  

       "You charming frood", said the Cat
"But why do you sing about that?
Oh, let us be married!
Too long we have tarried:
The towel, I know where it's at.
  

       They sailed for a year and a day
Found a towel on a Pig, coloured grey
In a Bong tree wood
It looked very good
So they decided to steal it away.
  

       "The towel is a shilling, " said Pig
"It's certainly fluffy and big!"
So they took it away
And were married next day
By a Turk who lives with the Stig
  

       Hand in hand, they sang a weird tune
And danced by the light of the moon
They dined on mince
And slices of quince
Which they ate with a strange looking spoon
Ling, Jul 26 2016
  

       Sorry, thought this was the "Likeness limerick" post.
Ling, Jul 26 2016
  

       Some guy, from some place, I don't know, Did something a long time ago. It remains a big mystery Buried in history But so what? Who cares? Let it go.
smendler, Jul 29 2016
  

       These are the days of our lives,
Fresh each morning we rise.
Brand new adventures,
Eventually dentures,
For life is death in disguise.
LimpNotes, Jul 31 2016
  

       There once was a lady from Guam
Who said, "now the ocean's so calm
I will swm for a lark."
She encountered a shark.
Let us now sing the 90th Psalm.
RayfordSteele, Jun 14 2019
  
      
[annotate]
  


 

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