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Liver stapling

Take two staples and call me in the morning.
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So there’s this modern procedure to help obese folks limit their food intake: They have their stomachs stapled, literally blocking them from eating too much by decreasing the volume of their stomachs. I propose a similar procedure for alcoholics, whereby the liver is stapled. Or, better, half of the liver is removed and stored (as a back-up for later transplant if needed). That way the patient is either motivated to give up the bottle in order to protect his extra-precious half-liver, and failing that, he is able to destroy his liver in a piece-meal fashion. Two opportunities for redemption here.
Arby, Jan 07 2004

Frequently Asked Questions about LVRS (Lung Volume Reduction Surgery) http://www.columbia...d_copd_lvrsfaq.html
[rogerdna]'s link. [Detly, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]

Antabuse http://home.iprolin...licity/antabuse.pdf
Same tyrannical principle [bungston, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]

Therapeutic heart attack http://www.umsl.edu.../180/heartetoh.html
A gentle pruning of the heart. [bungston, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]

[link]






       don't think you'd be able to freeze half the liver and then use it again later. Freezing would be likely to render it useless for this purpose, although still perfect for Liver and Bacon. Mmm.
jonthegeologist, Jan 07 2004
  

       The stomach is stapled to reduce the appetite, AFAIK.   

       And you might want to pickle the liver for storage.
Detly, Jan 07 2004
  

       Fear of death is often not enough to stop alcoholics boozing. I've seen quite a few people fall off the wagon and drink themselves to death -- no amount of wise counsel from doctors, family, friends and barkeeps was enough.   

       Also, if the alcoholism has reached the stage where such drastic measures as these are necessary, the liver will already be destroyed.
calum, Jan 07 2004
  

       Absurdly dangerous. Fishbone.
DrCurry, Jan 07 2004
  

       Ok, ok. Please, let me staple my own liver as penance for such a bad idea.
Arby, Jan 07 2004
  

       Liver is an organ that will regenerate, even if half or more is removed. The general idea of removing healthy tissue, or reducing the capacity of an organ to help combat a specific illness or problem has been tried for more than just stomach stapling. Some lung problems have been treated by removing healthy lobes of lung tissue, for example.
rogerdna, Jan 07 2004
  

       rogerdna, I find that last statement rather curious. do you have a link to back that up?
po, Jan 07 2004
  

       Oh, to take back one word said quickly and idly: "Healthy." Lung volume reduction surgery is primarily a procedure used to improve lung function by removing the most diseased lung tissue (quite the opposite of the medieval procedure I was advocating). Even though total air volume in the lungs is decreased, total lung function improves (sometimes). A link to better explain the procedure is at http://www.columbiasurgery.org/divisions/cardiothoracic/dd_copd_lvrsfaq.html. Sorry for my blatant error.
rogerdna, Jan 07 2004
  

       The appealing part of being drunk (if there is any) happens in the brain. The liver just has to do the filthy work. Therefor liver stapling won't work. Try nerve stapling instead.   

       I like the idea of taking out part of the liver. If freezing doesn't work it could be implanted into a human tissue tolerant, long lived pig that keeps the organ going and growing until you need it. The alcoholic keeps the pig as a pet and will be real nice to it (at least while sober).   

       You get a (+) for the take out idea, not for the stapling.
kbecker, Jan 07 2004
  

       Brain stapling?
Detly, Jan 07 2004
  

       The liver does more than just filtering alcohol:
It Stores and Mobilizes Energy
Aids Digestion
Regulates Blood Clotting
Produces Several (Non-Reproductive) Hormones
Manufactures Cholesterol
Produces Vitamins
Stores Minerals, specifically iron
Produces Essential Immune System Factors
  

       It does all this and more. Stapling the liver would drastically reduce these functions. Hence, Bad science
v0rtexx, Jan 08 2004
  

       Antabuse is a drug which alters the body's ability to metabolize alcohol, making it very unpleasant to drink. So - a drug which accomplishes this same end.
bungston, Jan 08 2004
  

       No, no, no - Antabuse involves a magnifying glass.
thumbwax, Jan 08 2004
  

       errrrrrrrrrrrm...isn't this a bit controlling?   

       One could see, say, supporting Dubya as a life-threatening disease that needs treatment, but surely it would be a bit much to propose, say, a lobotomy (or stapling such people to chairs in order to prevent them voting) as a socially good treatment.   

       [second thoughts...maybe that should have read "reversing their lobotomy"]
ivanhoe, Jan 08 2004
  

       Maybe staple 12 alcoholics to a coffee pot in sort of 24/7 AA meeting.   

       (They would have to work at the same company and sleep in the same bed. Going to the bathroom and taking a bath might be difficult.)
popbottle, Jan 14 2015
  

       Dangerous, ineffective, and not a little bit silly. [+]
Voice, Jan 14 2015
  
      
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