h a l f b a k e r y
What's a nice idea like yours doing in a place like this?
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(Title edited after [MaxwellBuchanan] correctly
pointed out that the original title- 'Llaser' - in fact
contains two vowels, and would therefore exhaust
the entire annual supply of non-consonants in a
Note that "Llyswr" is rendered into human speech
as "Llaser", pronounced
"Llllllllllllllllllay - zer" with a
Representations have been made to the Public
Relations arm of BorgCo (That's the arm holding
the directed-energy weapon by the way) that we
ought to do more to demonstrate corporate social
When we finally stopped laughing and realised
thay the supplicants were serious and not just
engaged in some form of standup comedy, we
turned the problem over to our PR consultants,
To our surprise, they suggested we could get some
good publicity at practically zero cost through a
foreign aid programme, specifically, targeting the
Quite why we would want to clock even a single
data bit to do anything for that bunch of sheep-
shagging rain-soaked xenophobic miserable dirty
subhuman leek-munching taffs was not clear, even
on the fifth repeat of the presentation, although
that might be due to the extensive buffet lunch
with unlimited free alcohol halfway through the
It eventually became clear that, by championing
technology transfer to the West side of Offa's Dyke,
we can seem to be a model of corporate probity.
The fact that the "technology" is in fact Widely
Known To Exist on the rest of the planet is
irrelevant. For example, three initiatives that have
met with a modicum of success are "How to use
caves to come in out of the rain", "Daylight- the
great facilitator", and "The joy of sticks".
However, some of the governmental and charitable
bodies from whom we have cadged enormous
amounts of tax-free money (most of which has, of
course, been absorbed by overheads, travelling
expenses, research, cultural awareness training
and paying [MaxwellBuchanan]'s sherry bill) have
become annoyingly insistent that we should
include a "high-tech" element in the overall
Fortunately we had anticipated this and the Borg in
the Back Room were already developing something
appropriate, scaleable, sustanable, but above all
incredibly cheap to provide.
And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you
the device which will literally be a shining light to
the recipients- the LLYSWR!
Yes, we know it's just a bit of wood on fire at one
end, but some of the cleverer ones can almost
understand it after a few years of training, and it
can be manufactured locally- the only bit they have
to import is the actual dry wood, all vegetation in
the Principality being permanently sodden and
waterloged. And it's more than good enough for
that bunch of ignorant whinging misanthropes.
Cheer up, wales ! The dull flickering orangey-red
heat of technology is coming your way any
century now !
One of the world's greatest politicians [4and20, Sep 07 2012]
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||I cannot help but think that any attempt to give
advanced technology to the Welsh is fraught with
||Also, they are unlikely to accept anything with more
than one vowel in the name; it would have to be
renamed the "Llyswr"
||//is that a welsh acronym for the orangey thing you
can see from the next valley over ?// Due to the
combination of hills, valleys, ground-level cloud and
coal dust, the Welsh have no words for anything
more than seven yards away.
||We stress that this is *comparatively*
"advanced technology", like the way Sea
Otters use stones to break open abalone
shells. Of course, we're not proposing
anything so radical and dangerous as giving
them stones. They have been shown a pebble
as a "technology demonstrator" but a lot of
time was wasted when they fell to the floor
and worshipped it as a God. They are
||We will make sure that Llasers are only used
for peaceful purposes.
||We fear you are correct about the spelling
||Personally I've always admired the Welsh their ability to get place names, that translate as "the hill where John, that's his place down the road there, fell and broke his leg last year, bloody idiot if you ask me he drinks too much" and the like, immortalized on global maps, smug in the knowledge that "well, we know where it is already, don't we", leaving foreigners standing in the crossroads with a badly unfolded map trying to mouth the 47 syllables in the rain.
||Just as well British Airways don't allow the natives to maintain any of their £200m aircraft like G-CIVX, really, can't have lovespoons being used instead of three-eighths Gripleys.
||"I now pronounce you Man and first Welsh Cousin."
||Great idea. How about monkey cages for all the niggers to live in as well?
||Cages are unnecessary. After 18 hours of
labour in the cotton fields without food or
water, they're in no
condition to run away. Besides, all the really
good monkey cages are already full of
politicians arguing about just how lavish the
expenses they pay themselves need to be to
ensure the survival of
||der Narzißmus der kleinen Differenzen, for reals.
||The Welsh word for LASER is "Disgleirio llachar, ond
nid ydym yn gwybod sut; brifo defaid, er."
||...not as short as it's wavelength in the Trebuchet MS 10pt.
||<Special voice for speaking slowly and carefully to small, not very bright child>
||DOOOO .... YOOUUU ... SPEEEEAKKK .... EEENNN- GLEESHHH ?
||The Welsh word for though is "er". Incoherent makes sense.
||Beth ydy Stoopid idea yn Gymraeg?
||We don't know and we don't care, but in English it's pronounced "Sennybridge".
||I'm still trying to work out how xenophobia equates to superiority.
||You've clearly never met any Germans, or members of the British Royal Family (same thing, actually).
||//how xenophobia equates to superiority.//
||In this case it's pure coincidence.
||Are you sure this isn't 'llawyer or lloser?'
||Must be the smaller you make the island, the more
divided and insistently superior the locals believe
themselves to be over the rest of the islanders.
All very quaint. Like the social stratification that
occurs in section 8 housing, street gangs,
shoppers of Walmart vs. Target, Yoopers vs.
Southern Michiganers, etc. Why, you can drive
from Norwich to Haverfordwest in 6 hours, and
Wales equates to about 6 counties in Michigan in
||Run along now and try to play nice with your
<strikethrough>flatmates</st> island neighbors.
||// drive from Norwich to Haverfordwest in 6 hours //
||The bit about driving away from Norwich, we understand.
||The part where you keep driving, ending up in wales, is baffling. Once safely west of Northampton, there are some quite civilized places to end the journey. Proceeding too far beyond Hereford is highly inadvisable.