Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Incoherent light
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(Title edited after [MaxwellBuchanan] correctly pointed out that the original title- 'Llaser' - in fact contains two vowels, and would therefore exhaust the entire annual supply of non-consonants in a single word.)

Note that "Llyswr" is rendered into human speech as "Llaser", pronounced "Llllllllllllllllllay - zer" with a silent "-".

Representations have been made to the Public Relations arm of BorgCo (That's the arm holding the directed-energy weapon by the way) that we ought to do more to demonstrate corporate social responsibility.

When we finally stopped laughing and realised thay the supplicants were serious and not just engaged in some form of standup comedy, we turned the problem over to our PR consultants, Slater-Nazi.

To our surprise, they suggested we could get some good publicity at practically zero cost through a foreign aid programme, specifically, targeting the welsh.

Quite why we would want to clock even a single data bit to do anything for that bunch of sheep- shagging rain-soaked xenophobic miserable dirty subhuman leek-munching taffs was not clear, even on the fifth repeat of the presentation, although that might be due to the extensive buffet lunch with unlimited free alcohol halfway through the first presentation.

It eventually became clear that, by championing technology transfer to the West side of Offa's Dyke, we can seem to be a model of corporate probity. The fact that the "technology" is in fact Widely Known To Exist on the rest of the planet is irrelevant. For example, three initiatives that have met with a modicum of success are "How to use caves to come in out of the rain", "Daylight- the great facilitator", and "The joy of sticks".

However, some of the governmental and charitable bodies from whom we have cadged enormous amounts of tax-free money (most of which has, of course, been absorbed by overheads, travelling expenses, research, cultural awareness training and paying [MaxwellBuchanan]'s sherry bill) have become annoyingly insistent that we should include a "high-tech" element in the overall programme.

Fortunately we had anticipated this and the Borg in the Back Room were already developing something appropriate, scaleable, sustanable, but above all incredibly cheap to provide.

And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you the device which will literally be a shining light to the recipients- the LLYSWR!

Yes, we know it's just a bit of wood on fire at one end, but some of the cleverer ones can almost understand it after a few years of training, and it can be manufactured locally- the only bit they have to import is the actual dry wood, all vegetation in the Principality being permanently sodden and waterloged. And it's more than good enough for that bunch of ignorant whinging misanthropes.

Cheer up, wales ! The dull flickering orangey-red heat of technology is coming your way any century now !

8th of 7, Sep 06 2012

Hywel Dda http://www.pawsonline.info/hywel_dda.htm
One of the world's greatest politicians [4and20, Sep 07 2012]


       I cannot help but think that any attempt to give advanced technology to the Welsh is fraught with risky dangerousness.   

       Also, they are unlikely to accept anything with more than one vowel in the name; it would have to be renamed the "Llyswr"
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 06 2012

       //is that a welsh acronym for the orangey thing you can see from the next valley over ?// Due to the combination of hills, valleys, ground-level cloud and coal dust, the Welsh have no words for anything more than seven yards away.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 06 2012

       We stress that this is *comparatively* "advanced technology", like the way Sea Otters use stones to break open abalone shells. Of course, we're not proposing anything so radical and dangerous as giving them stones. They have been shown a pebble as a "technology demonstrator" but a lot of time was wasted when they fell to the floor and worshipped it as a God. They are amazingly superstitious.   

       We will make sure that Llasers are only used for peaceful purposes.   

       We fear you are correct about the spelling …
8th of 7, Sep 06 2012

       Personally I've always admired the Welsh their ability to get place names, that translate as "the hill where John, that's his place down the road there, fell and broke his leg last year, bloody idiot if you ask me he drinks too much" and the like, immortalized on global maps, smug in the knowledge that "well, we know where it is already, don't we", leaving foreigners standing in the crossroads with a badly unfolded map trying to mouth the 47 syllables in the rain.
FlyingToaster, Sep 06 2012

       Just as well British Airways don't allow the natives to maintain any of their £200m aircraft like G-CIVX, really, can't have lovespoons being used instead of three-eighths Gripleys.
Phrontistery, Sep 07 2012

       "I now pronounce you Man and first Welsh Cousin."
Lesser Spotted Kiwi, Sep 07 2012

       Great idea. How about monkey cages for all the niggers to live in as well?
pocmloc, Sep 07 2012

       Cages are unnecessary. After 18 hours of labour in the cotton fields without food or water, they're in no condition to run away. Besides, all the really good monkey cages are already full of politicians arguing about just how lavish the expenses they pay themselves need to be to ensure the survival of "democracy" …
8th of 7, Sep 07 2012

       der Narzißmus der kleinen Differenzen, for reals.
calum, Sep 07 2012

       The Welsh word for LASER is "Disgleirio llachar, ond nid ydym yn gwybod sut; brifo defaid, er."
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 07 2012

       ...not as short as it's wavelength in the Trebuchet MS 10pt.
gnomethang, Sep 07 2012

       <Special voice for speaking slowly and carefully to small, not very bright child>   


8th of 7, Sep 07 2012

       // brifo defaid, er." //   

       The Welsh word for though is "er". Incoherent makes sense.
4and20, Sep 08 2012

       Welsh bad, English good.
sqeaketh the wheel, Sep 08 2012

       Beth ydy Stoopid idea yn Gymraeg?
po, Sep 08 2012

       We don't know and we don't care, but in English it's pronounced "Sennybridge".
8th of 7, Sep 08 2012

       I'm still trying to work out how xenophobia equates to superiority.
Phrontistery, Sep 08 2012

       You've clearly never met any Germans, or members of the British Royal Family (same thing, actually).
8th of 7, Sep 08 2012

       //how xenophobia equates to superiority.//   

       In this case it's pure coincidence.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 08 2012

       Are you sure this isn't 'llawyer or lloser?'   

       Must be the smaller you make the island, the more divided and insistently superior the locals believe themselves to be over the rest of the islanders. All very quaint. Like the social stratification that occurs in section 8 housing, street gangs, shoppers of Walmart vs. Target, Yoopers vs. Southern Michiganers, etc. Why, you can drive from Norwich to Haverfordwest in 6 hours, and Wales equates to about 6 counties in Michigan in size.   

       Run along now and try to play nice with your <strikethrough>flatmates</st> island neighbors.
RayfordSteele, Sep 10 2012

       // drive from Norwich to Haverfordwest in 6 hours //   

       The bit about driving away from Norwich, we understand.   

       The part where you keep driving, ending up in wales, is baffling. Once safely west of Northampton, there are some quite civilized places to end the journey. Proceeding too far beyond Hereford is highly inadvisable.
8th of 7, Sep 22 2016


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