h a l f b a k e r y
Where life irritates science.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
John Smith was a boring guy. Had a boring job, boring
wife, boring children and no prospects for the future. See,
John was a fudge packer and on one fateful day, he was
asked to 'man the large vat of fudge'. Being that John was
a bit of a pushover, he agreed to do so, just until that fat
fellow came back from the lavatory. As fate was
conspiring against him on that day, something bad had to
OMFG A METEOR STORM ABOUT 80 MILES AWAY FROM
THE FACTORY VICIOUSLY SHOOK THE BUILDING. John
shook from side to side, eventually falling over the very
low safety rail and landing in the vat of smouldering fudge
Of course, no one even knew John had disappeared
because everyone was too interested in the meteor that
had just landed on Earth's beautiful soil. A few days later,
the factory got their sh*t together and decided to do the
fire register. John's name eventually came up, but there
was no answer. So they rang up home, and the boring wife
Guy from factory: 'Hi, your husband doesn't seem to have
come into work today, just wondering if he's at home with
you after the meteor thingy'
Wife: 'Oh. No, he didn't come home.'
Guy from factory: 'Cool story, bro'
THEN FUDGE MAN BROKE OUT INTO SONG AND DID A
DANCE. THE END
I'll do more later on, but really, my brain just stuck it's two
middle fingers up at me
(?) Two fishbones? You call that hate?
[mouseposture, Sep 03 2011]
lol [jaksplat, Sep 03 2011]
||Well, I expect you feel better for getting that out of
||I'm not done yet
I ran out of creative juices after the title
||I'll be on top of my game tomorrow, you'll be giving
me a bun by the end of it.
||You had me right up until "Lord".
||//factory got their sh*t together// Hey, you had me thinking it was a *fudge* factory!
||3 years on and you still hate me ;)
||Someone really should get rid of all the superhero ideas except the ones other than this idea.
||Is Fudge Man really Boring John who eventually turns into Lord Megafudge through genetic fudge mutation; or is Fudge Man the guy that keeps all the other Fudge Packers happy with campy Drag Queen songs (and is therefore an annoyingly useless bit player in this story) while other workers dredge the vats; or is Lord Megafudge a giant mutant that extracts Boring John from the large fudge vat, pokes a stick up his arse, and keeps him in a walk-in freezer for future consumption as a Boring Fudgecicle; or does Boring John crawl out of the fudge vat in a matter of hours after consuming all of it but has serious lower intestinal cramping and so can't leave the third stall in the restroom due to loss of bowel control leaving Lord Megafudge thinking that, with Boring John out of the way, he can make a play for Boring Wife but is prevented from carrying out his Fiendish Plan by Fudge Man who has finally, mercifully STOPPED SINGING, and who has made it is life's work to rescue Boring Wife from Lord Megafudge's Evil Clutches?
||Oh, wait; nevermind. ( [rcarty]=genius )