Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Make Fire with Your Own Fat

No matches?
  (+19, -5)(+19, -5)
(+19, -5)
  [vote for,

I have pondered the inability of the contestants on Survivor to make fire. I gather using friction to make fire is quite difficult. Flint and steel might work if you have flint: in short supply on desert islands. I wonder if a fire might be started using spontaneous combusion: actually ex vivo spontanoeus human combustion.

Oily rags can spontaneously combust if stored in an area where oxygen can get to them, oxidizing and heating the rags, but in a tight space so that the heat can accumulate, reaching ignition temperature of the rags. In principle, any oil or grease should work for this.

As with most Internet users, I have a generous pendulous pannus of fat which I keep in case of famine. Anyone who has watched a surgery knows that much of this fat is right under the skin. It should be accessible with not much bleeding using a swiss army knife.

I propose a fire making technique in which cotton briefs are saturated with warm human grease obtained as above, then stuffed into a shoe. A hole is bored in the tip of the shoe and air is sucked in by the firestarter, like vigorous smoking a pipe. The flow of air down through the greasy rags in the confines of the shoe should oxidize the grease, and the small area of the shoe capture the heat, allowing for spontaneous combustion and the creation of fire. Fast moving might even allow the fire to be removed from the shoe before it is burned up.

[World], if you test this out and post video I will replace your burnt underwear with a new pair of your choosing. Even that gold lamee pair you have been craving! You can use lard if the fat harvest thing makes you squeamish. You can use a vacuum cleaner to suck the shoe, or your robotic bongsmoker if it is still working.

bungston, Dec 09 2004


       I'll try ear wax first.
FarmerJohn, Dec 09 2004

       I'll try anyone else's anything first.
gnomethang, Dec 09 2004

       [bung] Are you calling me fat?
Worldgineer, Dec 09 2004

       OK. First of all... This won't work.   

       Does that really matter in this case? I don't think so. I'm voting for it.
zigness, Dec 09 2004

       Vigorous still uses holey shoes as pipes to smoke? I thought he'd quit that.
Machiavelli, Dec 09 2004

       dude, take a hit off this obese bitch bacon fat... wuh.
changokun, Dec 10 2004

       That would take some serious friction.
Lacus Trasumenus, Dec 10 2004

       bore a hole in my shoes? never!
benfrost, Dec 10 2004

       Misread this as Make Fire with Your Own Fart, which might be a practical solution.
FarmerJohn, Dec 10 2004

       Thumbwax? on a personal note I'd prefer the use of sandpaper rather than the blade.
skinflaps, Dec 10 2004

       <files in desert island survival manual under "last resorts">
stupop, Dec 10 2004

       "Well, we got a fire started thanks to the amazing property of spontaneous human combustion! Now, what to cook?" <eyes M&M shaped buddy who nurses an oozing cut near the fire>
reensure, Dec 10 2004

       [+] technically, with assistance, you could keep wearing said items.
sophocles, Dec 10 2004

       House-heating bills hurting your budget? Worrying about your weight? Well, bungston's got the solution for YOU.
sophocles, Dec 10 2004

       /technically, with assistance, you could keep wearing said items/ - are you proposing using briefs, shoe and fat to make fire while still wearing these items? What sort of assistance would this be?
bungston, Dec 10 2004

       I was wondering why I was laughing so hard at this, but then I remembered I’d been drinking.
pluterday, Dec 10 2004

       I was laughing so hard I thought I saw pluterday, but then I remembered I been drinking non-stop since Monday, and can see no reason to stop.
blissmiss, Dec 10 2004

       Re: /technically, with assistance, you could keep wearing said items/ ... I originally anno'd that, but deleted it, as the method would be considered, say a bit vulgar. Minus the shoe, and add a tube of some sort.
sophocles, Dec 10 2004

       This is what I call creative thinking. [+]
Pericles, Dec 11 2004

       Ow, swiss army knifes hurt when the only thing you have on it is the corkscrew!
croissantz, Dec 12 2004

       bungston, yours is the best third paragraph ever.
calum, Dec 12 2004


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