Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Management Information Club

An essential commercial tool
  [vote for,

The Management Information Club resembles a slightly oversized baseball bat, made of a dense wood such as Lignum Vitae, and highly polished. It comes in an attractive carrying box, which includes cleaining and maintainance equipment, such as a tin of polish, and disposable wet wipes for removing the blood, hair, and bone fragments.

The Management Information Club can be used to definitively inform Board Members and Vice Presidents of the answers to important questions they may ask, such as:

"If we do what you say, will you please stop hitting me ?"

"How am I meant to walk with a broken knee ?"

"You're having a laugh with us, aren't you ? There's no way you'fre going to use that."

"Do you expect him to call an ambulance himself now you've smashed all his fingers ?"

"Will someone please fetch me the first aid kit ?"

and most importantly:

"Will you tell us how you're going to keep the project on time and under budget after we reassign a third of your staff to something less important ?"

8th of 7, Jul 04 2011

(?) 5 stages of a project. http://wiki.answers...stages_of_a_project
Only too true. [8th of 7, Jul 04 2011]

Rolling along with the tumbling tumbleweeds Tumbleweed_20Dispenser
[normzone, Jul 05 2011]


       Lignum vitae is far too useful and valuable. Ash or hickory would be easily fit for purpose. Otherwise, fine (+).
spidermother, Jul 04 2011

       BorgCo are considering such items as a "low-end" offering, under the name of "Sales Training Club". Optionally, a lead core can be inserted at time of manufacture to compensate for the lower density of the wood.   

       But for walloping the bejasus out of anyone at Board level, you have to have the proper kit - hence the use of Lignum Vitae. We contend that there is actually no more useful or valuable employment for this material than the one specified.
8th of 7, Jul 04 2011

       Fair enough. Its low friction properties may also be employed in illustrating precisely where your project report may be filed.
spidermother, Jul 04 2011

       The question may be important to the person asking it.
8th of 7, Jul 04 2011

       // These don't seem like questions senior managers would ask //   

       Well obviously, because they display a clear grasp of the current situation.   

       // a 3rd party is supplying the justice //   

       No, the Third party is there to carry the box containing the Information Club, and hold the First party's coat while they administer "justice" to the Second party (The First Party being the Party of the First Part).   

       And before you ask, no, there ain't no Sanity Clause.   

       // outside the control of the plaintiff //   

       This is Stage 4 of the well known "5 stages of a project", "Punishment of the Innocent".   

8th of 7, Jul 04 2011

       Sounds like "Natural Selection" to me... what could possibly go wrong? [+]
Grogster, Jul 04 2011

       [21Q], that aspect of prior art is relevant for that exact reason. It is acknowledged that blunt instruments made of Lignum Vitae are Baked, but that is not the core of the idea as presented.   

       By your measure, an idea which discussed a vehicle employing steel in its structure would lack originality since vehicles with steel structures are widely known to exist. It is the use and design which are innovative.   

       [biglseep], we appreciate your concerns; however, this idea is not intended for humble managers, but those at board level. Psychopathic board members would actually be welcome, as psychopaths often display very high intelligence and an acute grasp of situational and environmental factors, despite their lack of moral sense. The Information Club is intended for the education of the "idiots", those who espouse the "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" approach to resource allocation.
8th of 7, Jul 05 2011

       Perhaps they should be similies or metaphors, rather that analogies ?   

       Was that a rhetorical question, or not ?
8th of 7, Jul 05 2011

       <bemused monotone>   

       These aren't the words we're looking for.   

       </bemused monotone>
8th of 7, Jul 05 2011

       <bemused monotone>   

       Move along ... move along ...   

       </bemused monotone>
8th of 7, Jul 05 2011

       a tumbleweed is the above-ground part of a plant that, once mature and dry, disengages from the root and tumbles away in the wind. usually, the tumbleweed is the entire plant apart from the roots, but in a few species it is a flower cluster.   

       the tumbleweed habit is most common in steppe and desert climates. The tumbleweed is a diaspore, aiding in dispersal of propagules (seeds or spores). It does this by scattering the propagules either as it tumbles, or after it has come to rest in a wet location. in the latter case, the tumbleweed opens mechanically as it absorbs water; apart from its propagules, the tumbleweed is dead.
po, Jul 05 2011

       Ah yes, the tumbleweed dispenser (link).
normzone, Jul 05 2011

       Sorry, we missed that ... it must be the low whistling of the wind, and the "ting .... ting" of the bell in the abandoned adobe church.   

       So which are you, [po] - the Good, the Bad, or the Ugly ?
8th of 7, Jul 05 2011

       - The manegement Club consists, actually, of an entirely un-descibbale material : Fumes, notions, hunts, wishes, desire, and loom, ,, :-)   

       'lesser folks of in-descibt nature or substance, like a snail, or an ant, a midget sqiurrel, even a fish, qualifies, these days, as members of the Powers that Reign.   

       'Stuffing them, heating in Microwave ovens, or sending them X-ray equipment print out's, all part of their nature,...   


sirau, Jul 06 2011


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