Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Meat Cavitator

Mutton To Lamb
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Another mechanism to increase the intake of slippery old meat into the digestive system; is a meat cavitator.

This thing just sits on your bench, it's got this sort of cylinder you drop the meat into, maybe some salty water, and then cap off with a kind of lid that clamps a bit. Doesn't really need to be too tight.

The bottom of the cylinder is a piston and you got a hydraulic system under the bench that has a very high ratio. Pushing a button near your in-sink-er-ator, the piston begins to drop.

It's really faster the more water you add; so there is less stretching of the air and more cavitation of the meat.

Where you gonna get your vapors from? Mostly the old meat. Doesn't matter too much; you get bubbles forming and just like a nicely cracked finger. POW! a shockwave shatters the myofascial bonds, numbifies remaining bacterias, and limpifies the fasicles.

Who needs a water bath? You're done. The cylinder returns to home, and you chuck the meaty mass on the BBQ for a quick sear, and it is ready for a juicy battle with your tongue and teeth, ending in, of course, in chyme.

mylodon, Nov 07 2017

Not unrelated Explosive_20decompr...20meat_20tenderizer
[MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 07 2017]

How to Clean Velvet Upholstery http://www.howtocle...-velvet-upholstery/
Put this to your maid. [Voice, Nov 08 2017]


       [MaxwellBuchanan] - Yeah I had a suspicion that something similar was out there. I was just desperate to come up with a product based around cavitation, excess of meat softening devices be damned. Such desperation should not be rewarded [-]
mylodon, Nov 07 2017

       I wouldn't go so far as to say mine was out there. Early sales were impressive, but they tapered off sharply after the first eight or nine lawsuits. Some people just have no sense of adventure. Or insurance.   

       A vacuum-driven alternative might be less dangerous, or will at least spread the debris less widely.   

       Incidentally, if anyone knows how to get an okapi stain out of velvet, can they let me know?
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 07 2017

       Oh no ... has the Intercalary been doing It again ? He promised he wouldn't.   

       You're going to have to be stern with him and drain the hydraulic oil out, or he'll carry on. It'll be upsetting, what with the anniversary coming up and everything, but .... well, cruel to be kind, see ?   

       Well, cruel anyway. Nothing wrong with that.
8th of 7, Nov 08 2017

       Am I my brother's keeper? Well, OK, according to the conditions of his bail, yes, but that's beside the point.   

       Anyway, he's solved the okapi problem. It turns out that if you use explosive decompression *in a liquid*, you can precisely control the amount of expansion.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 08 2017

       You could also just keep the okapis out of the house.
mylodon, Nov 09 2017


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