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Microwaveable elephants

For those in a hurry.
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We understand from previous HB postings that there is some sort of problem with poaching of elephants.

This is hardly surprising; even a moderately sized elephant is going to need a very large pan of simmering water, and will probably take days to cook sufficiently.

So, to alleviate the problem, BorgCo Labs have developed a line of cook-chill microwaveable elephants for those in need of a large ready meal.

Refrigerated storage container, stacker truck and 5MW microwave oven not included. Product may contain large bones. Ensure product is piping hot before serving.

8th of 7, Oct 24 2014

Here you go, fits handily http://www.magicleap.com/#/home
[theircompetitor, Oct 25 2014]

[link]






       //Ensure product is piping   

       Don't they more normally trumpet?   

       Hmmm...gives me an idea...
not_morrison_rm, Oct 24 2014
  

       [8/7], secret bagpipe afficionado. Who knew?
pocmloc, Oct 24 2014
  

       A more efficient way would be to feed the elephant about 200-400g of 2,4-dinitrophenol. This would uncouple its mitochondria, causing it to cook itself.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 24 2014
  

       ^^^I'd have to recommend any mitochondrial solution^^^   

       The good thing about dinitrophenol of course is that with a few hours soaking, you can wash it out of the meat, preventing your own uncoupling issue.
bs0u0155, Oct 24 2014
  

       No, the good thing about dinitrophenol is that it can undergo further nitration to become trinitrophenol, a much more interesting, delightful and amusing compound.   

       Even DNPH has its moments, but it's not the Real Deal.   

       And of course the metallic salts of picric acid can provided milliseconds of stability and microseconds of shock-mediated detonatory fun.
8th of 7, Oct 24 2014
  

       //you can wash it out of the meat, preventing your own uncoupling issue//   

       Ah, but then you lose half the benefit. Not only is DNP-cooked elephant meat tasty, it's also a weight- loss aid.   

       Given the relative* safety of DNP, I think there's a market for DNP-laced foods that have a net negative calorific effect.   

       (*as in - I'd give it to my relatives)
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 24 2014
  

       I doubt the Elephants are going to endorse this.
popbottle, Oct 25 2014
  

       P.E.T.A. is gonna get cha. Big time.
blissmiss, Oct 25 2014
  

       "Poached Elephant Trade Association" …?
8th of 7, Oct 25 2014
  

       Trade? Tasters, shirley.
pocmloc, Oct 25 2014
  

       "Waiter, there's some wire in my pachyderm soup!"
  

       "Not to worry, Sir. That's just hair."
Ling, Oct 26 2014
  

       ^ Ermmm...?
not_morrison_rm, Oct 26 2014
  

       Last week I read a great statistic:   

       In a lifetime, the average human being will eat the weight of 6 elephants.   

       I presume whoever calculated this thought you'd be swallowing the bones too.
mitxela, Oct 26 2014
  

       Presumably the bones can be boiled up to make soup ?   

       Or glue ?   

       Actually, depending on the cook, it's often hard to tell the difference …
8th of 7, Oct 26 2014
  

       //depending on the cook, it's often hard to tell the difference   

       Ah, like any meal in Egypt (that isn't felafel, or baba ganough, or koshari*) or traditional Hungarian soup which ls like watery grit...or maybe I was just unlucky with that one.   

       Anyway, isn't anyone going to do the 1870 Paris Siege zoo menu?   

       * but that usually includes eating it quickly, before the cockroaches can make off with it.
not_morrison_rm, Oct 26 2014
  

       // maybe I was just unlucky //   

       Quite the reverse; you were remarkabl fortunate. It's usually much worse than that …
8th of 7, Oct 26 2014
  

       (tries really, really hard to say something nice about Budapest) err, you can go to Tesco's and buy a still...that's about it...
not_morrison_rm, Oct 26 2014
  

       // say something nice about Budapest //   

       "From a distance, it can look quite nice at night, when it's snowed, if you're just passing through and have no sense of smell"
8th of 7, Oct 26 2014
  
      
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