h a l f b a k e r y
No, not that kind of baked.
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Mineral butter takes its cue from the makers of Olestra, an indigestible fat added to low-fat food prodects. Mineral butter is mineral oil, but with more unsaturated bonds such that its texture is similar to butter, schmaltz, vegemite or other popular spreads. Added to dry bread, this provides that
juicy consistency people crave - but with no added calories, harmful cholesterol, etc. This product would be for impacted and irregular sandwich eaters, as it retains all the properties of its mineral oil ancestor.
My inspiration [bungston, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
For Cambridge Dave
Seals sing rude and childish song about anal seepage. [wagster, Oct 15 2005]
Made by the company 'Olean' [Cedar Park, Oct 16 2005]
||A hot croissant, slathered with rich creamery mineral butter, for you. +
||A certain fast food chain looked into this. They used an optical isomer of the fat in meats that gives the juicyness. For those of you who dont know, an optical isomer of a chemical is chemically exactly the same as its isomers but its shape if mirrored. If ou shine plain polarised light through a beaker full of one type of optical isomer ie the left or right version of the chemical the light will defract left or right accordingly. One other interesting thing about them is that because they are physically a diferent shape, organic catalysts ie enzymes designed for one optical isomer of a chemical will not work on the other isomer. They cannot therefore be digested. However, because they are chemically the same they both taste the same. Result, juicy flavoursome fat that cant be digested and is so effectively calorie free. Unfortunately there were various problems.
Most notably a phenomenon known as "anal leakage".
||Because, like butter, this stuff mealts at anything around 20-25°C, it comes
out of your 40°C body in an un-digested liquid stated. The effects are
nastly... you can't stop it comming out. But it does what it
says on the tin, tastes great and doesn't have any calories.
||Guess it didn't sell too great then.