h a l f b a k e r y
"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
Or any-other-sort-of-snowbound-downhill-descent-bumpers really
You're flying down the snowy mountain
record time. You're wiggling your little
sticks in the air and your limbs are
as you imagine it anyway, in a graceful,
flowing, almost poetic style. The Blue
Danube plays in your head. You're
Eddie the Eagle Edwards' time for
slope. You've even managed to avoid that
nasty tree that keeps jumping out at you
at the last moment.
And then... disaster. An unexpected
in the course. Your left leg goes out.
right leg goes in. You're in danger of
becoming a fast-moving crumpled heap.
You're definitely veering off course and
But just at the last moment, you bounce
into the (possibly custard-filled, you tell
me) Mogul-Bumper at the edge of the
slope. Although slightly painful to your
arm, the Bumper stops you going over
completely, and definitely stops your legs
snapping into bits. You're lucky. You
manage to stay upright, with the help of
the Bumper, and although you didn't beat
your personal best this time, you still
across the line as the closing Danube
play and kick up an almighty cloud of
snow in the face of the fondue party
applauding you at the bottom.
||I'm confused. What exactly is the Mogul-Bumper, anyway? A custard-filled sandbag?
||Presumably some softish air-filled tube, as may be found in the gutters at kid-friendly bowling alleys?
||Reading the title, I thought this was going to be a full-contact competitive sport, a cross between downhill and bumper cars. Imagine my surprise to find it to be just another excuse to use custard!
||Okay, I thought this was going to be something for your car that would push titans of industry out of the way...
But I like it! There are many cases each year of broken limbs that could be avoided, and some deaths as well. A Maine state legistlator recently crashed into a tree and died, and she was an experienced skier. Perhaps something like this might have saved her.
||I wouldn't be playing the game properly if I
didn't attempt a custard-related move in
my first three goes.
||The high- versus low-impact properties of custard would seem to be exactly opposite of what you'd want here. From the famous 'Custard-Filled Speed Bumps' idea:
||//Thus, a benign, rather flaccid bump encountered at low speeds becomes an unforgiving, hardened lump when hit at speed.//
||Better than falling off a cliff admittedly, but a bit more than 'slightly painful'. I'd go with air-filled bumpers if I were you.
||Also, just wondering, what temperature does custard freeze at?