Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Moral Golf

Golf as it should be played
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(+7, -2)
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How often do you take that almighty swing only to top the ball and see it trickle forward 3 feet into the really deep rough? All that effort, completely wasted. Of course, where the ball should have gone is about 220 yards just past that bunker.

That's the game. Instead of playing the ball where it lies, you play the ball from where it should be if only the ball was playing fair. Gets the game over a hell of a lot faster.

PeterSilly, Sep 13 2002

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       Tremendous! +
calum, Sep 20 2002
  

       Golf - the perfect way to spoil a good walk!
Sunshine, Sep 20 2002
  

       18 holes over in 20 minutes....I should *always* get a hole in one. Brilliant!
Marassa, Sep 20 2002
  

       Um, I don't think even Tiger would claim to be able to knock a ball more than about 350 yards. You have to play fair too.   

       4 - how on earth did you manage to hit a ball behind you?
PeterSilly, Sep 20 2002
  

       Golf is a stupid game. It would be much more fun if you fired the golf balls from small cannons.
8th of 7, Sep 20 2002
  

       [Sunshine] Some do say that golf is a good walk spoiled; I, on the other hand, believe a good walk is spoiled when you step on a land mine.   

       [eighth] Yes, yes it would (and I like golf) Could they be proper napoleonic cannons; muzzle loaders etc. That would be great....   

       oooo! post it, post it, I'll croissant!
Zircon, Sep 20 2002
  

       // how on earth did you manage to hit a ball behind you?

I used to in a house whose garden backed on to a golf course. We regularly used to get golf balls landing in the garden, even though the tee the golfers were playing off faced the opposite direction. The golfers it seemed were regularly (though not I believe deliberately) toeing the ball onto the tee markers with considerable force, so it would loop over their heads and into our garden. Its pretty alarming to see it happen, especially as I also saw a golfer knocked out in this way, when the ball didn't quite go over his head.
namaste, Sep 20 2002
  

       Those are not golfers - those are duffers

A horse and a chicken are playing near a water hazard on a golf course. Suddenly, the horse falls into a mud hole caused by overflowing water from the water hazard and starts to sink. The horse yells at the chicken to go and get the Club Pro to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the clubhouse but the Club Pro can't be found. Wasting no time, the chicken gets into the Club Pro's Mercedes and drives it as fast as possible back to the mud hole. Upon her return, the chicken ties a rope around the bumper, and then tosses the other end of the rope to the horse. As the horse hangs on for dear life, the chicken drives the car forward, and saves the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing by the water hazard again. This time, the chicken falls into the mud hole. The chicken yells to the horse to hurry and get the Club Pro, or the Mercedes. The horse says, "Wait, I think I can stand over the mud hole!" So, he stretches over the width of the hole and says to the chicken, "Reach up and grab my "thingy" and pull yourself up!!!" And the chicken did so, and pulled herself up to safety.

The Moral of the Story:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
thumbwax, Sep 20 2002
  

       // I also saw a golfer knocked out in this way, when the ball didn't quite go over his head.//   

       You mean it hit him on the backside, where his brains (if any) are ?
8th of 7, Sep 20 2002
  

       Fornicator: I watched a co-worker tee off and hit himself in the back. How? I don't know, but it happened. I have since taken up disc golf, as it's much more entertaining, much less frustrating, and well there's that thc factor too..
Mr Burns, Sep 20 2002
  

       [Trying to imagine immoral golf.]
DrCurry, Sep 20 2002
  

       DrCurry, go up to the golf course after dark and check out the activity in the bunkers.
DrBob, Sep 20 2002
  

       Gotta stick yer butt out a wee bit - gives you the pivot point so along with the other things to do while <senses tangent>addressing</senses tangent> the ball you *can* hit the ball with your eyes closed.
thumbwax, Sep 20 2002
  

       How to hit the ball backward.   

       I've studied this, and used to be able to reproduce it at will. This works only at the range where they have those rubber tees that are held in place by the turf mat that you drive stand on to drive. Get a very high-numbered club, sand wedge is best. Take a mighty swing and....   

       Miss the ball completely. Hit under the ball, without touching it. This is why a wedge works best (hold it as open-faced as you can).   

       What happens is that the club head pulls the rubber tee forward, stretching it. The ball begins dropping straight down, but by the time it drops an inch or so, the tee springs back, smacking the ball exactly 180 degrees from the direction of your swing, with surprising velocity. When doing it for show, it is even more impressive with lightweight plastic golf balls.
whojgalt, Sep 30 2002
  
      
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