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Multi-species face masks

Vitally important (and it you believe that, you'll believe anything).
(+1, -1)
  [vote for,

It's been scientifically proven that chiroptera (bats) and mustelids (ferrets, weasels etc.) can contract and carry strains of coronavirus. An example link is below.

Cats can too; they carry it in secret minature nuclear-powered invisible atomizer sprays concealed in their fur, so that they can spread their evil far and wide as part of their conspiracy to dominate your planet. They're responsible for the whole sorry business, you know.

Since face masks are known (by the media) to be absolutely 110% effective is stopping the spread of the virus completely, and indeed just putting a mask on can definitely completely cure a case in a matter of minutes*, the next logical step is to provide a pack of custom-fitted disposable face masks to every warm-blooded creature on the planet.

This will be a hugely expensive programme, but do not despair; BorgCo are ready to step up to the challenge. We'll even do it on credit; we can discuss the exact terms later. Just sign here.

We have facemasks in every size, from those designed for shrews to very specialised ones suitable for elephants, and even dolphins.

Act quickly, before everyone dies !

* The most expensive masks not only cure the virus, but get rid of unwanted facial hair, increase sexual attractiveness, build bulging biceps, and clean and polish even under the rim.

8th of 7, Jul 29 2020

Mink https://www.bbc.co....rld-europe-53439263
Bugs ! Bugs ! Bugs everywhere ! You're all ging to die ! (eventually) [8th of 7, Jul 29 2020]

Gormless, er Ghomert says ... https://www.usatoda...ng-mask/5536431002/
... "I can't help but wonder if by keeping a mask on and keeping it in place, I might have put some germ ... some virus ... onto the mask and breathed it in ... [kdf, Jul 29 2020]

Stella Immanuel https://www.bbc.com...rld-africa-53579773
One of Trump's faves... [kdf, Jul 29 2020]

All of the above makes more sense than THIS blather... https://www.ncbi.nl...rticles/PMC3306645/
[kdf, Jul 29 2020]

Disease spread through farts? https://www.snopes....gate-covid19-masks/
[kdf, Jul 30 2020]

Bats https://bbc.in/2X3R5C0
Somewhat behind the curve ... [8th of 7, Jul 31 2020]


       No, silly - the new received wisdom from a US Republican politician is that wearing a mask CAUSES you to get Covid19 (link). He's in The Party of Trump so it must be true!
kdf, Jul 29 2020

       And oh, alien DNA and evil spirits are involved too (link). I knew you were a big influencer.
kdf, Jul 29 2020

       That's the cats, and the Lizard People.   

       We've been trying to warn you for years, and have you listened ? No, you haven't.   

       Serve you right for not buying some of our Special Magical Stones With Holes In Them. Don't blame us if the Dragon of Unhappiness flies up your bottom.
8th of 7, Jul 29 2020

       But wait! Your critter-wear will also have to include pants - or diapers - for any critter with an anus (link). A lot of species have assholes, not just humans.
kdf, Jul 30 2020

       //Act quickly, before everyone dies !//   


       sp. mustelids
pertinax, Jul 31 2020

       [kdf], what exactly is your objection to the efforts of Lai, Poon and Cheung? At least they rescued two manikins from a short and violent life testing airbags. Do you think the authors are asking the wrong questions, or in the wrong way, or what?
pertinax, Jul 31 2020

Objection? Scientists are undercutting the entertainment of watching idiots (Trumpists and other varieties of deniers) cheer each other on as they stumble to their own deaths. Believers in demon sex and alien DNA in vaccines are a lot funnier.

       Actually, I have a lot of confidence in NCBI item I cited - and others in the same vein. I’ve yet to see any quality research indicating masks and distancing are *ineffective* for slowing the spread of communicable respiratory diseases.
kdf, Jul 31 2020

       They're not "ineffective" but the benefit is only statistically significant - not practically significant. Absolutely correct use on every occasion is essential.   

       And the key phrase is "respiratory" disease. When the pathogen can infect via any exposed mucous membrane, the value of masks is reduced even more.   

       // Believers in demon sex and alien DNA in vaccines are a lot funnier.//   

       Oh, we're with you on that. Did you enjoy our "5G telecoms trigger Coronavirus" fake news ?
8th of 7, Jul 31 2020

       "Absolutely correct use on every occasion is essential"
-8th of 7, Jul 31 2020

       Nah. Half a loaf is better than none. And the practical benefit to a population increases along with the number of people taking precautions. It adds (or multiplies) up.   

       "When the pathogen can infect via any exposed mucous membrane, the value of masks is reduced even more."

       An interesting suggestion. It's a numbers game - in direct proportion to how Covid-19 (or any respiratory disease) infects someone - by inhalation versus contact with other mucus membranes. Got any numbers? And I don't mean from the same pocket from which you sell fake gold-pressed latinum Rolexes. Any peer-reviewed research, or even pre- publication from respectable sources?   

       "Did you enjoy our '5G telecoms trigger Coronavirus' fake news ?"

       Frankly, I thought it lacked imagination. Technological bogey men are over-used these days and not nearly as funny as witch doctors. A few hundred years ago it would have been the other way around.
kdf, Jul 31 2020

       There's a lot of competition at the moment. Besides, reality is making satire very difficult ...   

       // Got any numbers? //   

       Yes, but at this time they're still "Commercial - in confidence". When they can be published, we will.   

       // And I don't mean from the same pocket from which you sell fake gold-pressed latinum Rolexes. //   

       Look, if you pay USD $6 for a Rolex (including shipping) and the despatch address is Shenzen, you need to moderate your expectations. The terms and conditions on our eBay shop are quite clear. No beed to be bitter - it ticks, doesn't it ?   

       // Any peer-reviewed research, or even pre- publication from respectable sources? //   

       It's a bit soon. Several formal studies with decent sample sizes are in progress but will take months to deliver results. At the moment, most of the stuff is being inferred from previous work with other viruses.   

       The problem that's been raised is that pathogens with the same behaviour profile either haven't been studied much (because they're not dangerous, so only of academic interest) or so dangerous (VHF, E. zaire) that they can't be studied in a live population, because it quickly becomes a dead population.   

       The BW people definitely know more than they're telling but getting info out of them is like trying to get malt and hops out if beer.
8th of 7, Jul 31 2020

       "It ticks, doesn't it?"

       A lot of your stuff ticks. That usually means it needs to be transported as far out of the local gravity-well as possible, post-haste.   

       Your comment about BW folks is a good one though. As much fun as conspiracy theories are, I don't think they built this bug. But it's a no-brainer that they're looking at how it works in vivo and how it spreads. The rapid and massive spread in NYC compared to other areas is fascinating, isn't it?
kdf, Jul 31 2020

       Well ... it's interesting, but the city's so unrepresentative that any data gathered can't really be applied to other urban environments. Since quite a big chunk of it's actually two islands (for the sake of the discussion, Manhattan and Long Island can be considered as a single unit), it has a huge tidal population, and the water barriers present significant impediments to terrestrial non-human vectors (apart from the subway lines), it's not going to behave like a simple, "flat" city. Add in the proximity to the sea, the unique microclimate, and the distorted demographics, and it's too one-of-a-kind.   

       It was, however, extensively studied using simulants in the 1950's and 60's so quite a lot is known about dispersion.   

       // I don't think they built this bug. //   

       No, they're better than that. More the sort of thing that a teenage biohacker might concoct in his parent's garage. These viruses have been around pretty much as long as life has existed. They're absolutely everywhere. One strain has mutated slightly, that's all.   

       It is indeed a suitable candidate for a BW simulant, in a nonlethal strain. It's been in bats for a long time <link>.   

       // But it's a no-brainer that they're looking at how it works in vivo and how it spreads. //   

       It's not quite the "Christmas is here early, chaps !" that hit PD when they got their sticky mitts on Pauline Cafferkey, but there's certainly an acknowledgement that the Easter Bunny has been quite generous this year. Along with some smug satisfaction, of course, of the "We told you, but you didn't listen, did you ?" sort.   

       // A lot of your stuff ticks. //   

       It's fine as long as it's ticking. When the ticking stops, that's usually not so fine. Try not to confuse the wires; the one you need to cut is a sort of a reddy-blue, and the one NOT to cut is more a kind of bluey-red ...
8th of 7, Jul 31 2020


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