Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Museum of Dubious Lyrical Apparatus

A museum that houses a series of strange devices based on song lyrics
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Many song lyrics contain suggestions or notions that conjure images of strange apparatus. Some of these make sense, but others are of an entirely impractical nature.

At The Museum of Dubious, and Sometimes Diabolically Stupid, Lyrical Apparatus (to give it its full title) a growing collection of these devices finds a home.

Better known instruments, such as the guitar built to illustrate the Beetles White Album track: "While my guitar gently weeps", hold pride of place. In this example, beads of water run continuously down the strings like a tacky water feature.

"The piano has been drinking" by Tom Waits depicts an instrument being perpetually fed bottles of beer by a mechanical arm, as it wobbles and drunkenly plink plonks.

Beyond the instruments there is the Hall of Mysterious and Magical Anomalies. Here it is possible to have a quick snack as a freshly cooked egg tumbles out on request from an automated hen, based on the lyrics made famous by Burl Ives in the wonderful Big Rock Candy Mountain Song - "And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs".

Numerous other examples follow, but I won't list them here. You can discover them yourself when you visit The Museum of Dubious, and Sometimes Diabolically Stupid, Lyrical Apparatus.

xenzag, May 01 2007

The Big Rock Candy Mountain Song http://www.marysvale.org/brcm/song.htm
need its own section [xenzag, May 01 2007]

The Straight Dope: Warm Smell of Colitas http://www.straight...lassics/a5_001.html
"Little Buds". [jutta, May 01 2007]

Brian Eno Theme Park Brian_20Eno_20Theme_20Park
Keep your musuem entry ticket for a discount at the Brian Eno Theme Park next door [hippo, May 04 2007]

like an empress/lepress/Mt Everest/Memphis/a lymphus/the leopards/a lettuce http://www.amiright...d/artist/toto.shtml
there are many wrongs and only one right [BunsenHoneydew, Jul 07 2007]


       With (a scale model of) Kilimanjaro rising like (a scale model of) Olympus above (a scale model of) the Serengeti.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, May 01 2007

       My daughter did a (very good) drawing of the Big Rock Candy Mountain, which included all the things mentioned in the song.
hippo, May 01 2007

       "Visit the Steely Dan room!"
calum, May 01 2007

       + I've always wanted to climb the *Stairway to Heaven*.
xandram, May 01 2007

       Get on up, stay on the scene ...
marklar, May 01 2007

       //With (a scale model of) Kilimanjaro rising like (a scale model of) Olympus above (a scale model of) the Serengeti.//   

       You would have to put Olympus in front, or it would look like Kilimanjaro rising like Kilimanjaro above the Serengeti.
nomocrow, May 01 2007

       "Sometimes a heart is just like a wheel" - I just may illustrate this one for bicycle application - multi-valve version.   

       "I see a red door and I want it painted black" - endless conveyor belt of red doors , being painted black, then circulating into another room where they are quickly sprayed white, because it is the "white room with black curtains". (Rolling Stones/ Cream)
xenzag, May 01 2007

       Warm smell of colitis?
coprocephalous, May 01 2007

       "Colitas" is apparently a type of really strong, pine-scented marijuana.   

       The song went through several drafts, and the lyric originally was "Warm smell of some good shit," but the produces felt that the term "shit" might be taken as a scatological reference. So "colitas" was used instead.   

       This ironically had the opposite effect. The original liner notes did not have printed lyrics, so many people assumed that the line was about the effects of "colitis", an inflammation of the large intestine.   

       It's true, I swear.
nomocrow, May 01 2007

       I always assumed it was an abbreviation of chicolitas.
marklar, May 02 2007

       ...and a pair of Desmond Dekker's flaming ears?
hippo, May 02 2007

       And a ceiling to dance on.
skinflaps, May 02 2007

       ... and a 40% complete skeleton of Australopithecus afarensis strung up to the ceiling with diamonds?
froglet, May 02 2007

       [froglet], I thought you'd disconnected from the interweb?
AbsintheWithoutLeave, May 02 2007

       Basic human needs are not forgotten, however, as there's a bathroom on the right.
egbert, May 02 2007

       Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds was made for this museum.
marklar, May 02 2007

       Psst, [marklar], [froglet] already covered that one, up there ^^^.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, May 02 2007

       The interior of the museum will be painted a whiter shade of pale.
hippo, May 02 2007

       Wow, is that what he was refering to? It was the diamonds in his post that made me think of it.
marklar, May 02 2007

       And if you see a man with carrying a plan round there, don't take any money off him - it's fake.
goff, May 02 2007

       Some dry ice pumped over a scale model of a lake. Perhaps have a model casino on the edge.
Jinbish, May 02 2007

       How about a man lying over a river of turbulent water, now that's Art.
marklar, May 02 2007

       List alert.
phundug, May 02 2007

       //[froglet], I thought you'd disconnected from the interweb?//   

       Saying that I am is one thing, doing is another. My family made a huge collected effort to pressure me to keep my computer downstairs with the internet, and my mum refused to allow me to bring it upstairs to my room, so I have to make do with disconnecting it when I'm working or when I should be working.   

       Unfortunately staying away from temptation is becoming hugely difficult.
froglet, May 02 2007

       I'd expect a suitably sizable, starkly lit and disturbing room; one would enter, seek arboreal shade in a corner only to discover the (wait for it) Fake Plastic Trees. (radiohead)
Sludden, May 03 2007

       Or you could buy one of those old soviet-bloc cars that had an attachment for stealing legumes as you drive by a pea-field (that is, if you like pea-nicker Ladas)
gtoal, May 03 2007

       A single building wouldn't suffice to hold the odd artifacts showing up in songs of one of my favorite bands. There'd be a small supermarket specializing in fresh, bagged vegetables (1), a marina for amphibian vehicles (2) (it replaced a demolished parking structure (3) that offered fur detailing (4)); fortunately, the very, very large piece of sleepwear (5) on display can double as a tent and cover the throwing apparatus for the bejewelled projectiles (6) and writing implements (7). (How do they light all that with just a glowing pet bird? (8)) Don brightly colored hairpieces (9) and cranial extensions (10), take off your boots (11) and watch your step - you don't want to fall into the tunnel to the other side of the world (12) or crush the skeleton piece behind you on the floor (13) as you proceed to the popular rotating sculpture (14) doubling as an upwards escalator (15).
jutta, May 03 2007

       "A coffee colored cadilac"
James Newton, May 03 2007

       <Buns [gtoal]'s anno.>
imaginality, May 03 2007

       cool man I like It   

       I would pay well to go to this place.
dev45, May 04 2007

       "Visitors to the museum are asked to refrain from stepping on the Blue Suede Shoes exhibit"
(Is anyone else struggling with this? I have no idea what [goff], [Jinbish], [Sludden], [gtoal], [jutta], [James Newton] or [Ian] are talking about)
hippo, May 04 2007

       It's very cryptic - [gtoal] was kind enough to write out his clue in full, referrning of course to Rupert Holmes' "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"   

       From [Ian]'s last one, I've got as far as skateski (or rollerskates-key) but I have no idea where that one's going.   

       The thing is, I'm not very musically literate - or perhaps I just tend to listed to stuff that nobody else has ever heard of.   

       [edit] Ahh Ian, thanks - what was the wheeled shoe bit about?
zen_tom, May 04 2007

       Perhaps outside there could be a green field, with a cold steel rail for comparison.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, May 04 2007

       Ahh, [Absinthe] - now you're talking my language. Perhaps next to that field/rail combination, we could erect a polished crystalline arrangement of carbon, with pencils sticking out of its nostrils and a pair of underpants on it's head.   

       And Ian, I know that one now! I would have been quicker to get it - if I'd remembered that it was sung to the tune of what might be represented by a really big piece of farm machinery, that had just been delivered from the shop.
zen_tom, May 04 2007

       And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding But she’ll bring out the best and the worst you can be Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me (BILLY JOEL "She's always a woman to me") I can see a vary cool room out of this
dev45, May 04 2007

       Perhaps, for the convenience of museum visitors, there should be a bike with a basket and bells on to make it look good, which they can ride, if they like to the nearby beach with a dead Arab on it.
hippo, May 04 2007

       Yes, that would be nice, and a female member of the monastical order, relaxing on a really well padded sofa. [danger, tenuous]   

       [edit - weeks later [090707], it took me a while to figure out what I was going on about with this one - it's still rubbish, but I was able to retrieve the answer]   

       [another edit - now [260110] - years later now, and whatever it was, I haven't got a clue]   

       Or do misheard lyrics not count?
zen_tom, May 04 2007

       //Or do misheard lyrics not count? //
Don't be ridiculous - they would be in the Museum of Mondegreens
AbsintheWithoutLeave, May 04 2007

       Man, and there I was, trying to remember whether that The Cure song involves a bicycle on the beach.
jutta, May 04 2007

       Na, Na, Nah.
marklar, May 06 2007

       Ian, that's either shameless self-promotion or a nice segue...   

       Is there a special wing for songs like Elton John's Solar Prestige A Gammon and Bill Cosby's Hikky- Burr? Rubber Biscuit?
Canuck, May 06 2007

       I don't much care about these lyrics.   

       We're definitely going to need a main boulevard, where it is possible to walk the streets behind a green sheet of glass.. a million miles below their feet...   

       Oh, and someone's got to do a display of a giant dildo crushing the sun. That should probably remain in a dusty corner somewhere though.   

       Well, I think I'm going to step away from this idea for now.
ye_river_xiv, May 06 2007

       'Is that a caricature of Mitch Miller being restrained?' 'Indeed it is' 'Will he be released soon?' 'I think it unlikely' 'You will not let him go?' 'Almost definately not' 'Please let him go' 'I refuse. We will not be unrestraining him in the near future, definately not, most certainly not' 'Oh, then I'll move along to the Abba exhibit....'
Mister Sketchly, May 09 2007

       Speaking of mondegreens, I am pretty sure Kilimanjaro rises like "an empress", not like "Olympus". One of us is wrong
BunsenHoneydew, Jul 07 2007

       ... and it turns out (according to teh intarnetz) that it's me. [link]
BunsenHoneydew, Jul 07 2007

       "SIlver magic ships you carry, Jumpers, coke and sweet mary jane....Sugarman, met a false friend." I'd like to see that exhibit!
S-note, Jul 09 2007

       I can't wait to see the heathen frog exhibit, with the big hands, gnomes, and buttered fries.
RayfordSteele, Jul 09 2007

       // I am pretty sure Kilimanjaro rises like "an empress", // Actually, for a long time, I heard it as a female victim of Hansen's Disease.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jul 10 2007

       the building's sprinkler system could contain dyed-purple water.
CaptainClapper, Jul 10 2007

       To get to the museum you'd have to cross a bridge - over troubled waters (Hmm - not very subtle that one. Must try harder).
hippo, Jul 10 2007

       Actually, it would be a person laying across troubled waters in a bridgelike fashion.
marklar, Jul 11 2007

       [hippo], [marklar] already did that one.
He even managed to cunningly work in the vocalist's name.
Bun to [marklar]
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jul 11 2007

       //the building's sprinkler system could contain dyed-purple water//
And you would, of course, enter through the exit portal, but only if wearing soft-fruit coloured soft headgear - the sort of thing you might find in a charity shop.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jul 11 2007

       Oh yeah, so I did, I forgot about that one.
marklar, Jul 11 2007

       kudos to [marklar] for cleverness; unkudos to [marklar] for forgetfulness
hippo, Jul 11 2007

       I never was very good at cryptic crosswords
TheLightsAreOnBut, Jul 11 2007

       Best avoid the "Lovin Spoonful" cafe
simonj, May 04 2010

hippo, May 05 2010

       I'd forgotten about this one. [hippo]: 3 years ago, yesterday, I was talking about "Smoke on the water" by Deep Purple. No pun - just a literal diorama.
Jinbish, May 05 2010

       I just hope I don't run into the man going 'round taking names.
Jim Bob of Merriam Park, May 06 2010

       Thank you, an easy [+].
awesomest, May 06 2010

       If you look really hard around the museum you may find a model of the human organ responsible for blood circulation, fashioned from a lustrous yellow precious metal.
hippo, Oct 11 2010

       ......but you have to keep searching
xenzag, Oct 11 2010

       There is also an area where you can pardon yourself whilst smooching with clouds.
xenzag, Oct 11 2010

       I always thought the lyric was "Excuse me while I kiss this guy". Well he did say he was acting funny.
marklar, Oct 11 2010

       I just want to see the knights in white satin.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 11 2010

       A Scandinavian house with waxworks of a Middle-Eastern deity and an American president.
DrBob, Oct 13 2010

       walking on the sun...
Voice, Oct 13 2010

       //Get on up, stay on the scene ...//
More Steely Dan?
coprocephalous, Oct 18 2010

       If you'll excuse me, I'll be in the cephalopodal horticultural exhibit, avoiding the sun.
BunsenHoneydew, Oct 24 2010

       [the answer to my previous anno, before I forget, is Swede Home Allah 'bama].
DrBob, Oct 25 2010


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