Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Never Never Retirement Home

...where it's always 1989
  [vote for,

My dear old 85-year-old grandmother shouldn't have to worry about politics and other current events. Moving to a nursing home shouldn't merely mean retirement from work; it should mean retirement from all of society.

At Never Never Retirement Home, your nearly-departed will relax in the cozy comfort of clean rooms with newspapers, magazines, and television stuck in the year they entered our facility. The central office of the Never Never Retirement franchise has a crack staff that gathers back issues of local newspapers and popular magazines and maintains a full catalog of Alf, Full House, and The Golden Girls reruns, as well as numerous commercials of the period.

Your loved-one's failing memory will ensure that each annual viewing of the fall of the Berlin wall is fresh and new. And after the fourth or fifth viewing, the Tiananmen Square massacre and the San Francisco earthquake will hardly faze him or her (okay, 89 was a bad example).

You say your grandpa just retired? No problem. We're collecting new material all the time and have the capability to deliver it to each guest according to the year he or she entered. So Grandpa's Matlock episodes will be ready and waiting.

And we're sensitive to the body clock shift in seniors as they age. We even time-shift our programming so that Johnny Carson takes his digs at Dan Quayle at 7:30 in the evening!

And we don't stop at news and entertainment. Our caretakers are schooled in the fashion, hairstyles, and slang of the era of the wing they work in. And we strictly forbid new technology from passing thru our doors. Don't you want to give your gray-haired granny the rest she deserves?

ConsultingDetective, Feb 15 2004


       At any rate,i cannot agree you with the viewpoint of 89 Tiananmen affair .i do not think it can be described as a massacre,to some extent,you distort the history,but i don't believe it's your original intention,cuz it's easy to be understood there's nobody familiar with all the history of different countries:)
viking2004, Feb 16 2004

       Dude, 2600 unarmed civilians were killed by their own government for protesting its policies. That's a massacre.
ConsultingDetective, Feb 16 2004

       [Toadinnov] Wow. You leap from "let little old ladies never be without their Full House reruns" to Auschwitz and apartheid? You win. That's funnier than mine.
ConsultingDetective, Feb 16 2004

       ~Accidentally deleted this from [q2cannonfodder]~
You'd have to check them for anything sharp or anything that they could hang themselves with, but after that I'm sure this idea could work. Oh no wait you'd have to pad all the rooms as well come to think of it. That tv would have to have a flexiglass screen too, what else, well you get the idea....Word to the wise btw, I wouldn't ever piss your kids off if i was you.
~Accidentally deleted this from [q2cannonfodder]~
ConsultingDetective, Feb 16 2004

       You could end up with a lot of people living together with each one stuck in a different year and no-one having anything in common.Leads to a lot of lonely people.
python, Feb 17 2004

       Took the words out of my mouth!!
irinel, Feb 18 2004


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