Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Newspapers you can read to your baby

"In other news, the big bad man with the funny hat did some naughty things to the country next door."
  (+49, -4)(+49, -4)(+49, -4)
(+49, -4)
  [vote for,

My two year old loves being read to and I love reading. Problem is, I already know what happens at the end of the Cat in the Hat so it gets a little old after reading it fifty times.

Reading my morning news to her is obviously out of the question because I don't want her to know the world sucks. Let them enjoy the blissful ignorance of youth, right?

Bottom line, a newspaper or website that encodes news so it can be read to children who you don't want to scare to death, but in such a way that adults will still get the point.

"A natural phenomenon called an earthquake, where the ground shakes because of natural movement of the Earth's crust, leaves 12,998,051 people unhurt and alive out of a population of 13,000,000 in the Pacific. Many good people fly there to help. Barney unhurt in incident."

doctorremulac3, Aug 14 2005

(?) a tv programme for older kids http://www.cjetech....atched_it/jcnr.html
[po, Aug 14 2005]

The modern Newsround http://news.bbc.co....bbcnews/default.stm
as shown by [po] [dbmag9, Aug 14 2005]

A related product... Audiobooks_20for_20...ts_20and_20Toddlers
(...and a blatant self promotion) [krelnik, Aug 15 2005]

First News http://www.firstnews.co.uk/
A bit older. [nineteenthly, May 28 2010]


       PS: "However, numerous Muppet casualties have been reported."
doctorremulac3, Aug 14 2005

       I love it! I think the op-ed page in most newspapers is already childish enough though, so don't change that. I'd also suggest that the advice column be limited to answering questions about different ways of cleaning up spilt milk, making Power Rangers helmets out of papier mâché, and other similarly innocent dilemmas. I have a hunch that stories about men stealing their wives' paychecks to buy jewelry for their mistresses will just make kids cry.
The Flying Mystery, Aug 14 2005

reensure, Aug 14 2005

       Sue Nommi visits tie land. (+)   

       Funny...until I remembered that children *want* to be scared.
ldischler, Aug 14 2005

       Anternately, children want to bust out laughing.
reensure, Aug 15 2005

       You could just read them a tabloid, but this is better [+].
DocBrown, Aug 15 2005

       And then, [doctorremulac3] lived happily ever after, eating all the croissants people had given him.
neilp, Aug 15 2005

       And they could put the funnies on the front page, and the crazy politicians in the Humor section.
elhigh, Aug 15 2005

       Actually why dont newspapers print serialised kids stories in the funnies section that you can read to your kids every night. Instead of reading the same crap over and over again.
etherman, Aug 15 2005

       I think that if one full page of the newspaper had a 1st grade level synopsis of the news, with pictures, it would be good for this and also for folks learning english as a second language.
bungston, Aug 15 2005

       //I think that if one full page of the newspaper had a 1st grade level synopsis of the news, with pictures// I've seen this at airports - called "USA Today", I think.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Aug 15 2005

       There is simply no shortage of dumbed-down news.   

       And, if you really have a shortage of interesting things to read to your toddler, just pickup anything that you enjoy, and read it to them. It's all about the tone of voice, and the energy you have to share more than the actual content.
sophocles, Aug 15 2005

       what garbage.
po, Aug 15 2005

       sorry. the previous anno!
po, Aug 15 2005

       "Po finds lack of Garbage!"
"Experts are at a loss as to the dissapearance of most of the world's trash supply. Investigations are being followed."
DesertFox, Aug 15 2005

       DesertFox acts satirically.
World awaits po and the other tellytubbies' response.
hidden truths, Aug 16 2005

       As for "garbage", well, have you tried? My 18 month toddler loves "stories", and seems enthralled when I read any of the following to him:   

       1. Street signs
2. Newspaper headlines
3. Dilbert cartoons
4. Magazines

       Just read the headline, and ask him to point to letters "Where's the B? Good! Where's the K? No, there it is....". In between, you can read the fine print as much as you want to keep yourself interested.   

       But this idea dumbs down real news, which is something that already happens and I find disgusting in democracies. Fishbone/croissant here is pretty subjective, and I'm allowed to differ, and have you think I'm a fool. I don't mind.
sophocles, Aug 16 2005

       I voted for this, but I think [sophocles] makes a good point. To our peril, we forget that the human larval stage should be challenged and thus advanced, as well as cherished and protected.

I still love this for *really* young tots, but once they start to attend school, older, crueller kids are just going to tear down all your carefully hung Drapes of Delight and expose the rotten view through the Bay Windows of Reality anyway, so you may as well get there first and break it to them gently. "We'll start with this fat, jolly chap here. Yes 'Father Christmas'..."
DocBrown, Aug 16 2005

       ah, soph. now that made better sense. it was the thought that you were in some way fooling the children that I objected to but yes, I agree - children can be entertained by enthusiasm whatever it is you are enthusing about.
po, Aug 16 2005

       <mumbling from behind a newspaper in a very deep chair> I thought the Grimm brothers baked this a couple of years ago?
Susan, Aug 16 2005

       [etherman]'s idea is fully baked in our own local rag; there's a serialized story running there. I have no idea what it is lately, but there's been a story running in (I think) twice-weekly installments for at least the last five years.
elhigh, Aug 16 2005

       You would have to write articles that pre-empt all the "why's":   

       A big wave drownded many people on the underneath bit of the globe today. Because there was a big bang under the sea that pushed up the water. Because two bits of the earth were pushing past each other in opposite directions and had an accident. Because we live on these floaty bits of ground that move about on top of the planets melty middle. Because we live on a lump of cooling down rock left over from the explosion that made the universe. We don't know.
wagster, Aug 17 2005

       //we don't know// "why, daddy?"
po, Aug 17 2005

       Because the entire set of human knowledge is bounded by what we can deduce or infer using our limited five senses. Parts of our existence will therefore be forever unknowable. It's time for bed now, no more questions.
wagster, Aug 17 2005

       Oh, waggy. I'll print that out and keep on a card in my wallet for emergencies.
squeak, Aug 17 2005

       //It's time for bed now, no more questions.//   

       Whoa, creepy. Thats my favourite chat up line.
etherman, Aug 17 2005

       How about that for a HB kiss of death? Paedophilia references kill the Halfbakery stone dead.   

       Right, this churning is for a reason. There's a newspaper called First News which sort of bakes this. My daughter and the rest of us home ed people have been in it.
nineteenthly, May 28 2010

       Really like First News. Was set up about five years ago by Piers Morgan. Which redeems him somewhat.
wagster, Jun 05 2010

       This is a very cute idea. Would that I had more than this meagre fishbone to give. [-]
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 05 2010

       Another ray of sunshine from MaxwellPukecannon.   

       (Just kidding Max, all in good fun. Love ya babe.)
doctorremulac3, Jun 06 2010

       the 'kids pages' have been in US newspapers for many decades already. There are headline stories children can digest without the gore and violence.
dentworth, Jun 06 2010

       This idea is for an adult news source written so it can be enjoyed by babies that are too young to read while their parents get their daily news.   

       "...a newspaper or website that encodes news ... in such a way that adults will still get the point."   

       Reading the kid's news to a two year old would be kind of silly and let's get real, who wants to read the news without the gore and violence? Just give it a fairy tale overcoat that's all.   

       Might be interesting to view the world from a different perspective too. After all, that dictator MAY just be some guy upset about how short he taking it out on his people. You might catch some insights that regular news copy might miss. "Kim Jong-il, the 5' 3" dictator of North Korea declared himself the biggest man in the country today when he..." etc.
doctorremulac3, Jun 06 2010

       oh well since you've clarified your idea, definitely not liking it. sorry
dentworth, Jun 06 2010

       One fish,two fish
Dead fish, goo splish
Manatees and things with gills
All laid waste as oil spills

swimswim, Jun 06 2010

this idea is so fun
so, here for you, a little bun [+]
swimswim, Jun 06 2010

       [+] swimswim also
FlyingToaster, Jun 06 2010

       //oh well since you've clarified your idea, definitely not liking it//   

       I like it, though as with jokes, it's better without an explanation.
ldischler, Jun 08 2010

       good lord 45 buns!!! are you people crazy? no, no its ok,   

       however I like [swimswim']s rhyme. very ... oh great now I have to look up spelling of... poignant.
dentworth, Jun 10 2010


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