Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Nice swing,
no follow-through.

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Please log in.
Before you can vote, you need to register. Please log in or create an account.

Nitrogen breasts

Looks great, less weight.
  [vote for,

This idea at first seemed so trite to me that I was sure I would turn up something about it. But no - so here goes. Inflatable breast implants are nothing new - saline "expanders" are used to stretch soft tissue to allow placement of a permanent breast implant. But why does the implant need to be filled with water, silicone or other heavy stuff? Many women would be just as happy to have lightweight front sides - less backaches and bouncing for sure. But they still want to look good.

My proposition: conventional breast implants are instead filled with nitrogen. The result: very lightweight breasts, with near normal contour.

bungston, Jun 11 2003

(?) Air embolism http://anestit.unipa.it/gta/vae.html
[bungston, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]


       // But why does the implant need to be filled with water, silicone or other heavy stuff? //   

       I would presume the choice of material is determined based on how closely it will behave to normal body tissue.   

       Seems these would be prone to more bouncing, not less.
waugsqueke, Jun 11 2003

       Bouncing is from inertia, waugs. Run along carrying a full 2L pop bottle in one hand and an empty one in the other, both at arms length. See which bounces more. As regards normal body tissue, the capsule is the interface here - and this plan uses the same capsule already designed for compatibility. I should have added that the Nitrogen Breasts would be less prone to rupture, as gas is compressible and silicone/saline is not..
bungston, Jun 11 2003

       Worth a try to those willing as it would increase knowledge in this concern for the improvement of our (subjective) aesthetics.
Great Satan, Jun 11 2003

       bung, the problem with your experiment is that women, as a rule, do not carry their breasts in each hand, at arm's length.   

       Attach the bottles to your chest. The empty one will flop all over the place.
waugsqueke, Jun 11 2003

       I think a better example would be ballons, which one bounces more, the one with the water in it, or the one with the air in it? the water ballon would have more "bounce". I'm not sure that breasts filled with nitrogen would be quite as fun to squeeze as those with traditional implants.
ecolonsmak, Jun 11 2003

       Ok then, fill with foam rubber. That's mostly air, or nitrogen if you prefer.
pluterday, Jun 11 2003

       I see where this is going. We are sticking with nitrogen, dang it.
bungston, Jun 11 2003

       fill them with helium! let the ones with the biggest cahungas (yes that's my own word) fly away!
igirl, Jun 11 2003

       Could they double as life preservers? Being in front they would even keep the face turned up.   

       The logical improvement on this would be helium filled ears to give the head extra flotation. Imagine, not just these flopping sheets of pink flesh, but well rounded spheres of pleasure on each side of your head. You don't even need a pillow any more to sleep.   

       Someone will now ask why I didn't suggest to fill the head with Helium, but that's already baked.
kbecker, Jun 12 2003

       Fill them with hydrogen and they can be connected to a personnal gas jet defense system.
PiledHigherandDeeper, Jun 12 2003

       But remember what happened to the Hindennburg.   

       Yes, that is how I spell it.
-lines-, Jun 12 2003

       You'd need an expanding bra for low pressure or high temperature environments.
egbert, Jun 12 2003

       You'd need expanding and contracting skin as well. I do hear tell that in the early days of boob enlargement Helium was indeed used. Unfortunately this had rather explosive consequences for the air hostesses who underwent the operation.   

       <Would you like anything from the drinks trolley Sir...BANG!...I do beg your pardon Sir> mops scraps of breast tissue from the passengers face.
squeak, Jun 12 2003

       <obligatory> use custard </obligatory>
po, Jun 12 2003

       OK now someone needs to work on a bass box.   

       I can't believe I said that. <Checks Yellow Pages for Mind Wipes>
egbert, Jun 12 2003

       I immediately thought "Helium" too - but [po]'s idea has some merit. Shirley all we'd need to do is implant some custard powder and let nature do the rest. Left is vanilla, right is chocolate.
PeterSilly, Jun 12 2003

       Implanted Guiness gas widgets... for when you need a boost.
waugsqueke, Jun 12 2003

       I'm beginning to think that no-one on this list has touched a human female breast...
dbsousa, Jun 12 2003

       Think what you like, sunshine.
egbert, Jun 12 2003

       [bliss] Udderly baffeling.   

       The comment //Could they double as life preservers? // brings up a good issue. Say goodbye to swimming laps after surgery. Don't even think of SCUBA diving (although you'd have some emergency extra tanks).   

       Then again, the engineer in my loves this. Minimize weight wherever possible, I say.
Worldgineer, Jun 12 2003

       Air in blood vessels is bad - but not super bad; the air will wind up in the lung and eventually be absorbed. Silicone emboli, on the other hand, lodge in the lung and stay there forever - as bad as a blood clot. Saline is undoubtedly the safest in this contest.   

       I did not think of the barometric pressure thing. Scuba would be OK - these folks would just need extra weights. Skydiving - maybe not.
bungston, Jun 12 2003

       So is custard a problem or not?
PeterSilly, Jun 13 2003

       / the air will wind up in the lung and eventually be absorbed/   

       As long as it doesn't try to go through the heart first. An airlock there would, I think, classify as super-bad. Not sure how custard would fare haha. I'm no biologist but I'm not sure the heart's action could cope with a non-newtonian fluid.
egbert, Jun 13 2003

       I found a link on the air embolism question. It looks like small ones happen fairly often. As regards custard - that was what I saw coming when the foam rubber idea was proposed. What can you do. I am not sure custard would be a great improvement over silicone: both "thixotropic" (sp?).
bungston, Jun 13 2003

       <<Finding it odd that [dbsousa] felt the need to specify "human" female breast. Odd, very odd. As opposed to hmmm...inhuman?--blissmiss, Jun 12 2003 >>   

       I allowed for the fact that farmerjohn may be a dairy farmer. I mentioned this because all previous inquiries dealt exclusively with the look of the finished project. No-one mentioned the fact that it would feel like a four square ball. Not comfortable for the owner or her partner.
dbsousa, Jun 13 2003

       [dbsousa] - not clear to me how the four square ball feel would be less comfortable than a conventional implant. Gas filled means more compressible - for close contact, sleeping on belly etc. For non-contact everyday situations they are lighter. And I still maintain there would be less bounce (for horseback riding etc). As regards the whole bounce question, I was hoping from some input from some physics/engineers types, since waugs and I seem to be at an impasse on this.
bungston, Jun 13 2003

       What's wrong with a little bounce anyway? Can I post a nitrogen booty?
jediprincess_3, Jun 13 2003

       If you have enough stamps you can.   

       //Gas filled means more compressible - for close contact, sleeping on belly etc. // more compressible = less like a breast and more like a playground ball.   

       Take an under inflated balloon and hold it tightly in your hand so that it constricts the air between two makeshift chambers.   

       at one end of your clenched fist is the part of the balloon with all the air, and at the other end is uninflated balloon. Apply pressure to the end filled with air, and the empty side fills up.   

       Now imagine this happening in your chest cavity.
dbsousa, Jun 14 2003

       There you go, interconnect the boob balloons. As one side gets compressed, the excess pressure pumps up the other.
FarmerJohn, Jun 14 2003

       Okay everybody, let's take a short break then resume with this same discussion using male parts...
Tiger Lily, Jun 14 2003

       I dunno, tiger. I’ve been bombarded with spam over the past couple of weeks from women (well, they say they’re women) telling me that I could lengthen my thing by 2 to 5 inches. And it’s an herbal pill that they’re selling, no nasty custard filled bladder implants. No painful and dangerous surgery.

Of course men want this – it’s an elementary school dream, after all. But they don’t talk about it. Ever. And women want it too, but would never admit to it to men. So, I don’t think your idea for a discussion is going to take off. Unfortunately.
ldischler, Jun 14 2003

       [ldischler], I didn't get my hopes up at all. I expected only to hear the sounds from having tossed a monkey wrench into the machinery.
Tiger Lily, Jun 14 2003

       Had to comment on [dbsousa]'s false balloon arguement. How is this different than a water filled balloon?
Worldgineer, Jun 16 2003

       Looks like somebody already thought of the "Helium Boob" - http://www.heliumboob.com
hboob, Oct 21 2003

       //Don't even think of SCUBA diving (although you'd have some emergency extra tanks).\\   

       Actually, you can compensate with extra weights. The only problem is, as you go down, the N2 gas will compress, shrinking the bazooms. (that's not really MY word but I wish I'd come up with it.) That would be kind of odd, and you wouldn't fit in the wetsuit anymore. Wetsuits that don't fit right won't keep you warm and that's not very fun.
Madcat, Oct 21 2003

       //compensate with extra weights// It wasn't the person floating I was worried about. It's more the strong upward force... perhaps this is a call for the invention of the upside-down underwater bra?
Worldgineer, Oct 21 2003

       // The only problem is, as you go down, the N2 gas will compress, shrinking the bazooms.//   

       By the same token, no naturalist ski vacations, no hot- tubbing, no tanning beds. Do not stand in front of microwave relay stations...   

       Pluterday saw that her friend, Charlene, did not look quite herself. She tried a cheery approach on her.   

       "Hey, Charlene, aren't you about to sleep past Bacall soon?"   

       "Oh pluter, stop. It's not even what you think," groaned Charlene as her eyes jutted skyward.   

       "Stop it Charlene!" pluterday barked. “You know that WILL make your brain leak?"   

       Even more than that, pluterday hated the thought of one day having to crawl around on the floor looking for her friend's wayward eyeball.   

       Refocusing on the moment, pluterday probed her friend again, for insights, "What is it then, Charlene, are you having a third PMS this month?"   

       "Oh, for heavens sa..." Charlene’s voice trailed as she lowered her eyeballs. "Well, no, not exactly, pluter. I don't think this time it's my PMS."   

       Squaring her eyes with pluterday’s, Charlene spoke earnestly.   

       "Pluterday, I think this time it’s my PSI”.   

       “Oh gaawd, Look at you!” Pluterday gasped. “You have pressure on just one side.”   

       “That’s only the half of it,” Charlene spoke figuratively. “Every time I look in the mirror, it’s always the other side…”
Tiger Lily, Oct 22 2003

Tiger Lily, Oct 22 2003

       [TL] You've been here long enough now (longer than me). I think you're ready for the secret. < br > (remove spaces) gets you a single line break - it would work well in your story.   

       Oh, and quite risque writing a Charlene story. Does plute know about this?
Worldgineer, Oct 22 2003

       No problem for short lines but in my browser, when a longer line ends near the right edge of the letterbox, an extra space gets forced inside the left arrow of the < br > code, completely ruining the effect of certain text.   

       I just hope [pluter] has a good laugh. (I actually wrote that for her.)
Tiger Lily, Oct 22 2003


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle