h a l f b a k e r y
The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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I have a microwave. I didn't buy it, I don't think I ever
have bought one, they just come with apartments as
standard, as with the variety pack of used hangers and
Anyhow, my microwave is a noisy beast. Let's start with
opening the door: "Ker-chank!" hear that? there's
needlessly robust plastic hooks and a complex internal
mechanism and even worse, it goes "Ker-chonk-slam"
you close it. The internal springs don't really allow for a
gentle closing, it's all or nothing. Clearly, microwaves
so dangerous that there must be multiple safety
mechanisms between me and a mild heating effect. We
can retain these, if we must, using a quiet magnetic
closure and a reed-switch relay arrangement for the
safety. Done, nice and quiet.
Next, the big glass turntable: I have thin walls in my
apartment, and I can hear someone put a mug in their
10ft away through the walls. Glass is all lovely and
but it's noisy and easily broken. Time to replace it with
hard plastic coated with that lovely heat-resistant
they have now. Possibly with some flecks of metal in to
help with the microwave scattering.
Next, the beep. Not so much of that thanks. A beep for
every button press then very long beeps to signal the end
of non-uniform food heating. No. Scientists predict that
2023, machines may be capable of producing noises
than loud beeps. Let's keep an eye on that research and
use a nice soothing "bong" sound instead, as soon as it's
Next, the fan. They seem to have fitted a fan to
microwaves. I believe the purpose is to help suck crumbs
around the back of the obnoxious beast.... possibly a
misguided attempt at vacuum cleaner/microwave
who knows. Anyhow, if it must exist, there are nice
ones you find in computers and such. Let's use that, or
just a bigger heatsink.
There, that should help. This is a bit of a rant, but it's
just my microwave, all the microwaves I've ever come
across have the ability to wake the dead with sheer
Partial Prior Art
[bs0u0155, Feb 20 2014]
||[+] rant. You forgot the bit where after it's done it continues to beep every 20 seconds until the end of time, the door that opens to sweep off the counter everything in its path, and the inside light which dimly illuminates food you can't actually see because of the screen in the door.
||//it continues to beep every 20 seconds until the end of
||Mine doesn't do that. I'll sell it to you for $1000
||With my microwave, I've found that if I hold the "open door" button in as I close the door, then release it while holding the door shut, it can be closed quietly. A lot of microwaves don't work that way so you'll need to play with them at the store. I'm sure you can't find my 15-year-old model in stores anymore.
||// I have thin walls // I guess your problem though is not just selecting your microwave to be quiet, but eliminating all noisy ones from the marketplace so your neighbor can't buy a noisy one.
||//eliminating ...your neighbor
||This is an excellent idea which needs to be baked in the
real world as soon as possible. (Or at least heated up).
||//all noisy ones from the marketplace so your
neighbor can't buy a noisy one//
||I have a flatmate, who uses a microwave in the
morning. It doesn't help that she get's up at a
horrendous hour... sometimes as early as 8am.
||// I disagree that it is necessarily easily broken.// I
believe that a soapy microwave turntable can leave a
similarly soapy hand... in the direction of a concrete
floor, at slightly above the speed of sound and that
fragments will still be turned up with the frequency
of German bombs in london construction sites.
||//soapy microwave turntable can leave a similarly soapy hand
||I avoid that by just not washing them..
||ah... my flatmate uses the same method
||Microwave ovens in the 80s had two controls - a
physical dial to control temperature (duty cycle), and
another to control time - both of which could be
adjusted on-the-fly without interrupting the cooking
process. When the timer ran down, they went 'ding!'
just once. It's all been down-hill since then.
||I used to have a Motorola phone that beeped when the battery was low. And periodically it did, and did, so long as it could.
||I one day accidentally dropped the phone in trash...
||Motorola probably wonder why they're being
dropped by google and slowly sold out of existence. I
had a Motorola smart phone, it's response to low
battery was a flashing light and repeated vibration.
YOU'RE MAKING THE PROBLEM WORSE YOU IDIOTIC
||Oh It's gone now. The new one is set to: Never ever
flash, beep, vibrate or anything at all. I'll come to you
if I need anything. Combined with the fact that
telephone calls are a thing of the past, I happily co-
||I may have missed a dentist appointment due to my hard-line policy on telephone calls.