Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Impose a compass rose
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England has an incomplete -hampton theme. We have Northampton, Southampton, Littlehampton, Minchinhampton and a few others. We could do so much better with a little planning and reorganisation of local government, and provide thirty-three new local authorities which would be much neater than the current arrangement.

Draw a conceptual circle on a map of England whose circumference passes through Northampton and Southampton. Divide this into thirty-two sectors forty and one-half nautical miles long and almost eight nautical miles wide, thereby creating a regular thirty-two sided polygon. Define an area of the same shape in the centre of the polygon such that it has the same area as one of the sectors. This gets you thirty-two thin tapering quadrilaterals and one thirty-two sided regular polygon with identical areas.

Name (i know, but this isn't all to the idea) each sector by compass points, so there's Northampton, North-by-Northwesthampton, North- Easthampton and so on, the centre polygon being called Middlehampton. Cede the whole area from England proper with a roughly circular border, interrupted here and there by the coastline and call it Roseland. Middlehampton is the capital and each sector along with the central district a rather narrow local authority.

Advantages of this arrangement:

It makes geography simpler - people know roughly where somewhere is from its name and can navigate to something like the right area by using a compass, with the slight problem that magnetic north is not geographic north.

An area somewhere in Buckinghamshire (i think) becomes the capital, thereby shifting the apparatus of government from a congested big wen and freeing up that big wen for other purposes such as tourism and other industries.

Many local authorities become mixed rural and urban areas, encouraging them to balance the needs of both communities and also providing a balance of left- and right-wing councils.

Everyone (except in Middlehampton) is under four nautical miles from another local authority, meaning they will sometimes be able to vote with their feet if they don't like what's going on.

A radial transport system can be built along great circles, which is more efficient than the current arrangement and could be more easily automated.

Meanwhile, Lancaster and York adopt the same systems with thirty- three smaller areas centred on the cities concerned with the areas again becoming separate countries referred to as Redroseland and Whiteroseland respectively, the radius being defined as the halfway point between the two cities. These are also separate nations, and the advantages are the same. There would of course be some controversy in the respective eastern and western parts of Redroseland and Whiteroseland.

The remaining territories in the former England can do their own thing. Maybe the bits left in the North can become part of Scotland, the bits in the West Wales and Cornwall becomes independent.

The rest of the world will then find it easier to learn our geography and local government in one easy lesson, just as the duodecimal system would ease arithmetic and spelling reform would help with literacy.

nineteenthly, Mar 29 2012

http://jewishbacon.wordpress.com/ http://jewishbacon.wordpress.com/
If it's possible to have kosher bacon, then similarly approved ham may only be a matter of time. [zen_tom, Mar 29 2012]

//The more circles are punched out of England the better// http://www.pdfdocsp...n---slow-birds.html
[mouseposture, Mar 29 2012]

Outline of the new nations http://img838.image...80/compassrosev.png
Didn't do the sectors [nineteenthly, Mar 31 2012]


       What location becomes Pinkroseland? - i.e. equidistant between Lancaster and York?
hippo, Mar 29 2012

       and Wolverhampton...not to mention Southgate in north London
not_morrison_rm, Mar 29 2012

       The thing to do is settle on a naming scheme. Wolverhampton is outside all the circles mentioned, so it could be part of a secondary wildlife-based circle including the likes of Wolverhampton, Fogzerhampton, Badgerhampton, Bearhampton and Wildboarhampton. Not so methodical unless arranged according to taxonomical criteria, so maybe Wolverhampton is next to Dogherhampton and Fogzerhampton.   

       Pinkroseland is a useful buffer state between Redroseland and Whiteroseland, so that makes perfect sense, but its precise location is currently unclear. It would mean reducing the size of the other two. The more circles are punched out of England the better, methinks.   

       Concerning Southgate, London no longer exists in this scheme as a political entity, so my suggestion there would be to find out where it is in the new territorial regime and proceed to name all the corresponding parts of the wedges appropriately. This would of course mean renaming Southgate something like Eastsoutheastgate, but people could live with that. In fact, all locations within the circle with names referring to compass points should be identified and reallocated appropriately according to their population.
nineteenthly, Mar 29 2012

       The X-hamptons can f*ck off - how come we're skimming over all the more fundamental Hams? I'd much prefer an even more arbitrary system of geographic organisation tied to enforcment of alternate nonsense along basic -ham based lines. e.g. Oldham - strictly populated by people of retirement age, and exclusively fed ham
Wrexham - administrative capital of the salvage industry, the workers of which are all exclusively fed ham
Altham - industrial capital for the manufacture of different types of "Alt" keyboard keys - branching out into "Ctrl", "Windows" and other propriatary keyboard furniture.
Ambersham - storage depot for the country's amber, resin and other tree-sap based commodities. Everyone is fed on ham.
Birmingham - renamed to the City of Birming. Ham use is outlawed in this central location.
Dogham - nuff said etc.

       And let's not get started on the -wiches.
zen_tom, Mar 29 2012

       There wouldn't be many veggies, Muslims or Orthodox Jews in your ham-based utopia, [z_t], which makes me think we could have it both ways. Three competing sets of jurisdiction according to preference each vying for the rates and taxes of the populace, one hammy, another hamptony and a third officially wiccan state, coordinated from an international body based in Hampton Wick, whose name would need to be tweaked slightly.
nineteenthly, Mar 29 2012

       A tripartate Wiccan/Zionist/Muslim Caliphate might just do the trick, why has nobody considered this before?
zen_tom, Mar 29 2012

       Well yes, it's just so obvious really isn't it?
nineteenthly, Mar 29 2012

       //reorganisation of local government//

Having experienced a few of these I have to politely observe that there isn't a fishbone that's big enough or smelly enough to properly convey my complete & utter contempt for this idea! ;o)
DrBob, Mar 29 2012

       Presumably the first PM installed post-reconstruction will be Nelson Mandala.   

       Croissant (primarily for //The more circles are punched out of England the better, methinks//).
calum, Mar 29 2012

       \\circles punched out of England\\ <link>
mouseposture, Mar 29 2012

       Now wondering if the Roselands should be Tudor rose shaped though, rather than just circular.   

       Thanks for the link, [mouseposture], that probably influenced me subconsciously.
nineteenthly, Mar 29 2012


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