Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Nudist Laundry de Luxe

Get it done right
  [vote for,

This establishment is not easily identifiable from the street. There is no signage save the address marker. The brownstone building front looks mostly like a well-to-do apartment building or small hotel; when passersby get a peek inside the normally-closed front door, they can see only a small lobby, carpeted in red and paneled in dark wood with a few brass fixtures, containing a small reception desk. Knowledge of the establishment travels only by word of mouth.

Proceed through the front door into the modest but rich lobby, carrying your bag of dirty laundry. Upon entry you barely notice the familiar whirring above you that is indicative of the business upstairs. On a cord around your neck is your photo membership card, which you show to the desk clerk; the clerk welcomes you and verifies your membership status. On the way past, stop at the magnetic-stripe reader in the corner and swipe your card, to make sure you have enough money in your house debit account for today's work. Then if you wish you may pick up a brass cart for your laundry, which you wheel into the small mirrored elevator, and you proceed upstairs.

As the elevator doors open, you emerge into a large room, with hardwood floors and painted walls, which is dominated by the standard rows of washers and dryers. All the washers, dryers, and vending machines are card-operated, so nobody has to deal with coins. Between the rows of machines are soft chairs and couches, which may be fitted with clean linens available in nearby cabinets. You may read a book, converse, play cards, or simply relax and enjoy the idea that all your clothes will be clean when you've finished. On one end of the room is a fireplace, used in the colder months. At the back there is a smaller room with shower stalls in it, so you can meet your clean clothes feeling refreshed yourself. Towels and bathrobes are supplied; soap and shampoo, if you haven't brought your own, are available for a small fee taken from your card. (If the management finds it necessary to cover expenses, the showers themselves may be card-operated and timed).

According to custom, you may wash the clothes you are wearing, keeping shoes and any valuables in the appropriate lockers to one side, which are locked and unlocked using your card. Though there are no particular requirements, the policy is clothing-actively-discouraged to promote an equitable atmosphere and to prevent people from joining out of voyeurism.

Identifiable personnel maintain a constant presence to replenish linens and to maintain security. In case of fire, the facility has a private exit to a walled and canopied courtyard behind the building. Under the seats are insulated robes wrapped in plastic, in case the weather is inhospitable in such an emergency.

Etymon, Dec 30 2004

Not like this then? http://www.nickkame...ery1/laundrette.jpg
[gnomethang, Dec 31 2004]


       I think a place like this needs clothes lines so it can all hang out.   

       Particularly popular are those with washboard abs.
FarmerJohn, Dec 30 2004

       Definitely my 'social activity without clothes' idea of the week.
wagster, Dec 30 2004

       this must be the most expensive laundramat in the world. Are nudist generally wealthy?
dentworth, Dec 30 2004

       //Are nudist generally wealthy// I doubt it - well, they can't have very deep pockets, can they?
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Dec 30 2004

       hee hee
dentworth, Dec 30 2004

       How would the attendants be identifiable? Orange socks?
shapu, Dec 30 2004

       [+] Oh this is SO much better than what I was expecting. I thought this was going to be some terrible conceptual pun about nudists taking showers to "clean their clothes."
contracts, Dec 30 2004

       Sounds like life in the frat house to me, ... except for the wait persons in orange sox. Perhaps you could add a gymn room and a whirlpool and sauna.   

       Tell me. Would this be a gentleman's club laundry mat or a mixed company Roman bath style laundry mat? If the latter, why not design the laundry machine layout as along the walls around an olympic sized 4' deep wading pool with underwater seating around some of the edges? That way people wouldn't have to parade around naked while waiting for their laundry to get done.
Bull Winkus, Dec 30 2004

       [Bull Winkus]...there's a Seinfeld episode that will answer your question. I'd stay out, thanks.
shapu, Dec 30 2004

       Now this is getting refined into something really workable. Washers and dryers around the outside, a pool in the centre. In the centre of the pool, an oval bar serving coffee and pastries until about six, then beer, cocktails and hookahs full of strong Egyptian tobacco until late. Mixed company of course. Steam baths and Turkish massage available for a small extra fee.
wagster, Dec 30 2004

       Is there no adjoining room with a very deep plush carpet that naked persons can sink into, face down so that other naked persons can run their rubber wheeled carts repeatedly over them?
mensmaximus, Dec 31 2004

       Whatever floats your boat, [mensmaximus]
gnomethang, Dec 31 2004

       It passes the Kramer test:
"You don't know what you're missing - I'm loving this Jerry! I am never putting on another piece of clothing unless it's straight out of the dryer!"
so it gets my pastry.
friendlyfire, Jan 02 2005

       To answer a few questions:   

       I have no claim to a workable business model. I envisioned the cost of laundry being a tiny bit more, augmented by annual membership fees, but I don't know. It also crossed my mind to staff the place in a co-op-style arrangement where members had to work one or two nights a week...   

       I consciously glossed over the "identifiable" personnel--I envisioned them uniformed, which for a few reasons seems to make sense. If they should have to go outside, for example. Orange socks are intriguing.   

       Pool by popular demand. [mensmaximus] can have a room to him/herself.
Etymon, Jan 05 2005

       Staff uniform, then, is orange socks, three for the males and two and an orange merkin for the females.
calum, Jan 05 2005

       [Etymon], Don't you know that secretly, deep down inside that every robot want's to be someone's romat, especially if the someone is a laundress without a dress.
mensmaximus, Jan 05 2005

       Why do nudists need to wash clothes?
mastero, Jan 06 2005

       [m], To keep their parents happy, no duh!   

       A lovely walk through an ordinary task, +.
blissmiss, Jan 06 2005

       [shapu]...Are you referring to the one where Jerry and his girlfriend stayed nude around the apartment, but he was put off by some contortions viewed during normal household chores? That was funny!   

       Sooner or later some new member's bound to ask, "Hey, ... what are all the washing machines for?"
Bull Winkus, Jan 06 2005

       Can someone please provide a map to this place.... esp. Wagster's version of it!
xandram, Mar 21 2006


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