Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Office Of Making Everybody Feel Bad About Everything

Because it hurts so good.
  [vote for,

I've come to realize we're all motivated by chemicals. Dopamine is a big fave and you can get it all sorts of ways. It's so addictive that some people even get their fix through negative, even self destructive activity. Some resort to cutting themselves or getting into sadomasochism. I myself watch CNN occasionally.

So how can the government make money off of this? The OOMEFBAE would release daily reports on activities, products, traditions, foods and anything else that made people happy and give long winded scientific reports from registered scienticians about how they need to knock it off and most importantly, tell other people to knock it off.

I've lived around humans long enough to know that, far from them telling this agency to fuck off, many would embrace it.

For one thing, they could have a new thing to virtue signal about ever day. "I see you're still petting puppies. Did you know this is a symbol of speciesist superiority? You're telling that little dog you are better than it is. Why? Because your species has nuclear weapons and poisons the Earth?"

See? Tell me this wouldn't be a wildly popular government agency over night.

Actually petting puppies might be "orderist" superiority signaling? I get those confused.

doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018


       Ray, has anybody EVER got anything deleted from this site?   

       The idea is to have an office of making everybody feel bad, the little twist at the end was a joke, the Democrat party isn't just about making people feel bad, it does lots of other horrible stuff too. It also promises utopia and heaven on Earth if you just give them that next election landslide and tax increase.   

       This would be an agency that does nothing but research things that make people happy and release information about why it must stop. That's all it would do.   

       It wouldn't profess to be making the world a better place, just to making people miserable.   

       And it would be wildly popular, believe me.
doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018

       Yes, things have been deleted.
RayfordSteele, Mar 13 2018

       Well, that's what bones are for my friend. Feel free.
doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018

       Tomorrow is pi day. Pi should really be only half-tau, you know...
RayfordSteele, Mar 13 2018

       I'll take your criticism stoically. The joke at the end does take away from the idea.   

       Ok, I agree. It's gone, not because I crave buns, but you're probably right.   

       There. Now good day to you sir. (Affixes monocle, tips hat.)
doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018

       Punctuation: "poisons the Earth".
pertinax, Mar 13 2018

       So an agency to go to when Ecstasy is just that tab too much.
wjt, Mar 14 2018

       LL "Tab too much". Very good.
doctorremulac3, Mar 14 2018

       //Dopamine is a big fave and you can get it all sorts of ways. It's so addictive that some people even get their fix through negative, even self destructive activity.//   

       Guilt is a phenomenal way of making dopamine. Which probably explains Europe's fantastic cathedral output when the Catholic church was doing daily guilt ceremonies. I can't help but think that slow-release speed would be easier to fine tune though.
bs0u0155, Mar 14 2018

       Did you ever stop to think how much of the church with its guilt, original sin and other nonsense is mirrored in the socialist dogma being sold today? Original sin has been replaced with "racial privilege" but the message is the same. "Salvation and forgiveness is available here. Ask about our affordable monthly payment plans."   

       Stupid people have been getting taken advantage of by evil people since the sun first rose on civilization. I don't see that dance ending any time soon. It'll have a new coat of paint and cleaned up image every few generations but the formula will be the same. "You're a horrible person, give me your money."
doctorremulac3, Mar 17 2018

       The church is a side-show of the social contract, so it’s not surprising to me that they sho some similarities.
RayfordSteele, Mar 17 2018

       Logically, there are three ways of looking at guilt.   

       1. "There is nothing really wrong with the human world. If you think there is, then you should learn to stop caring about it."
2. "There are things wrong with the human world, but they are all someone else's fault." (Socialists, Capitalists, Jews, religious people, inadequate people, whoever - but definitely not you, me or any of our friends)
3. Original Sin

       Original Sin looks better when you compare it to the alternatives.
pertinax, Mar 18 2018

       //The church is a side-show of the social contract.//   

       It is, and some churches appear to be evolving with the times in a good way. I went to my cousin's wedding yesterday and was struck by the philosophical, not religious nature of the ceremony. The church was in a very posh upper class area where I don't think drinking poison and dancing with snakes would go over very well, but still, it appeared to me that, at least at this place, the sermon was all about practicality and logic. I agreed with everything the preacher said and, interestingly, not one mention of god.   

       The contrast I saw was that politics supply only negativity these days. At least at this church, it was all about "be kind and supportive of each other, your family and community, understand nobody is perfect but take the challenge of working with them for the betterment of all involved." etc.   

       Almost felt like taking the family there on a regular basis. If I could afford it. Plus when football starts that sort of takes up my Sundays.
doctorremulac3, Mar 18 2018


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